Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Star Twease


Ok I just saw the new Star Trek movie. Its good and entertaining. There are a couple cool monsters and they battle the Romulans BUT I think the real battle going on here was the EYEBROW TWEASING COMPETITION going on between the main characters. I really couldnt decide whos brows were tweased the most, Spok, Uhura or KIRK?! Was anyone else TOTALLY DISTRACTED by MAN TRANNY KIRKS brows?! Dudes on LONG ISLAND have a more natural eyebrow then that?! When you combine his eyebrows with that FUH_UH_AKE nose and lips that are about as real as SPOKS EARS the dude is FULL BLOW TRANNY REALNESS/REALMESS. I mean hed be fine if they didnt have him as the cavalier skirt chaser, but sorry you cant do that while looking like CARROT TOP?! I know dudes out there liked him and he was fine, but I wasnt buying him as a DUDE for a SECOND. Im a BIG GAY and I dont even have facial surgery?! That dude does FOR SURE and sorry as soon as you get multiple facial surgeries your sorta disqualified from the "top daddy" title in my mind!
Ok wait a second.. I havent finished the brow talk..I mean arent Spoks brows just supposed to grow like that as a Vulcan? I dunno, but you can TOTALLY see eyebrow stubble where they shaved them in the movie....
Also Why are there no GAYS in the future?! I mean gay would be a NON ISSUE if you had ALIENS and MONSTERS running around. Shouldnt at least ONE OF THEM be a GAY and Im not talking GEORGE TAKA, Who is FIERCE, or GROSS Tyler Perry ( which we all went "EEEWWW" as soon as he came on screen) who is so clearly in this movie to acquire a ICKY christian/ african american/ pious anti-gay audience, but Im saying the character as a gay not a gay playing SPOK like it is now.

8 comments:

At The House of Vader said...

Star Trek was never a genuine attempt to style and imagine the future. Star Trek is about spoofing contemporary notions of the future. This guides every aspect of the film: gender roles, art direction, notions of good and evil, and yes, notions of homosexuality.

That's what this franchise is.

As evidence: the "red matter" represents uranium and the nuclear bomb (dating the franchise to the cold war); Ohura can be seen as a secretary, and she has to argue with Spok to get onto the ship ("I aced that test, white boy!"); the Federation council is mostly (all?) male; the magic of the engineering is punching secret equations into magic machines; the ship itself is based on structural engineering techniques that date to the Titanic (the engine room is all pipes and ladders and valves--nothing futuristic about that).

Star Trek is sci fi at it's most basic allegorical state, with as little creativity and imagination as possible. That's the beauty of it. And that's what makes it so kitschy and so fun.

Also, it's a huge movie with relatively unknown actors, and one of the leads is openly gay. That can't be not cool.

whitney said...

i actually thought mantranny kirk pulled off the skirt-chaser vibe despite his sliced-n-diced lady face.

and while i would have loved to have seen some gay as well, the movie was pretty devoid of sex outside of uhura/spock and kirk. how do we know that chekov isn't a pass-around fisting bottom, or that sulu and bones aren't cuddle buddies?

also, i know you were hot for the romulan warlord nara, because he was TOTALLY puertorican.i think you were just disappointed by his torture scenes.

and you're so right about that fat queen tyler perry. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

David Mason said...

I didnt say it wasnt cool?!
I just said the lead is a man tranny.
I also forgot to mention the question of why did every interior look like it was shot at a brewery?!
the villain was kinda sexy but when he first opened his mouth and said " Hello!" I just said " Gurl!" out loud. We all were like , " did he deliver that "hello" in a TOTALLY GAY way or what?!

whitney said...

YES!

that hello was the
LADYEST.

David Mason said...

LOLOL Im soooo glad someone else thought that!!

Ben said...

My heart starting beating faster when the villain said hello, but it wasn't cuz he seemed gay. I figured out why about halfway through the movie when I remembered who was under all that makeup: Aussie superhunk Eric Bana. Damn, he be fine. Even under 18 lbs. of prosthetics, he can still give me a stiffy. Now, THAT'S talent! ;-)

gavin said...

STAR TREK's writers/ creators have always been homophobic.

I suspect it's because the producers and fans of STAR TREK are big NERDS who've been bullied all their lives and accused of being fags.

They're so terrified of homosexuality and insecure about their own manhood that they won't associate with the subject matter.

gavin said...

"At the House of Vader" is so full of shit I can't contain myself.

"Star Trek is about spoofing contemporary notions of the future"

STAR TREK has never been a spoof of anything. It's in the genre of action and drama; always has been. That doesn't mean it can't include humorous moments now and then.

"Star Trek was never a genuine attempt to style and imagine the future."

Tell that to Gene Roddenberry, dumbass. Of course it was. Just because TREK broaches themes and controversies that pertain to our times occasionally, doesn't mean it's not futuristic. And half the time the subjects and themes are about the potential moral problems of technologies that can only come about in the future.

"That's what this franchise is."

Who died and made you Gene Roddenberry?

Prove it. Show us your deed and title to the franchise. Unless you are the studio, writer or director who actually own the material, you have no right to make such declarations.

Your "evidence" is a highly subjective interpretation and personal analogies that are in no way endorsed, intended by or explicit in the film.

Uhura can be seen as a lingual and scientific expert the crew desperately needs, with skills that no one else has; especially a secretary.

She can also be seen with her name spelled properly, not "Ohura," dumbass! That does for "Spok," too!

How much money do you want to bet that the future, even 200 years from now, won't have "pipes, ladders and valves?"

"Pipes, ladders and valves" have been around for at least 7,000 years. It's not "techniques that date to the Titanic."

"Star Trek is ... as little creativity and imagination as possible."

Oh sure. It's just a documentary. Anyone with a camera could just walk out in the world today and find those monsters, those spaceships, transporter stations and alien life forms.

How common!