Sunday, July 12, 2009

Every Day is HALLOWEEN!!!! Thank you David Barton




The new David Barton haunted house gym opened up...... and I give you a preemptive "Stop acting like youre over it!" because I think its FIERCE!
Yes its OTT, but I think its RAD. Its all I could ever want, its very large, has great equipment, and is decorated like a HAUNTED MANSION!?! Which is SURE to scare the girls away! HURRAY! ( Did I ever tell you I think most women are horrible and useless?!) EXCEPT FOR YOU SUE AND JENNIFER! ;)
The interior design I think is fierce of course ( though I will admit sometimes things look a little bit cheap) but Im actually REALLY SHOCKED they did it. Its so specific and I cant imagine that Adams Family versus Jack Lalane is a theme many people will be into but I AM! It actually makes perfect sense with the standard clientele of David Barton being Amanda Lepore, Thierry Mugler and Joey Arias and every other TRANNY WEIGHT LIFTER like me so they already have the MUNSTERS?!.
The mens locker room has a DUNGEON CAGE entry, the main lobby has SKELETON CHAIRS and there are black rococo with PURPLE VELVET divans in the halls, oh and the Yoga studio is lit with a wall of FAKE CANDLES. Go ahead and say its lame I DONT CARE, I think its very much a SUPER VILLAINS GYM and I FIT RIGHT IN?!! I can wear my ELVIRA t shirt and use my disney haunted mansion ring tones there and I'll be INVISIBLE! My friend Walt was resistant to join but as soon as I took him to see it he joined immediately. I think its going to be the new Groovy Goulie hang out. Im totally excited to workout there, not to mention I saw this butter pecan rican personal trainer whos asshole I wanted to suck on like a creme filled doughnut!?! oh and speaking of they even gave out CUPCAKES today?!!!
ps... if you cant tell thats me in the skeleton suit, shame on you. It was 2004 and I admit I was a PLUS SIZE SKELETON but who else do you know that would have chartreuse and magenta sequin bones under their skin?!

10 comments:

youreviltwin said...

are you some sort of WIZARD or something, manifesting SPOOKY HAUNTED GYMS, CUPCAKES, and ETHNIC BUTTHOLES, or did you just make a pact with satan or WHAT? i mean, that's a pretty specific wish to have granted. it's like it exists ONLY FOR YOU.

David Mason said...

I know, its pretty fucking shocking?! I need to be thankful!

Sue said...

Sometimes I dislike being female too. :(

+om said...

I can't believe this actually exists; It almost seems TOO RIGHT.
Although it would be even better (IMO) if they pumped old belgian newbeat & acid house throughout the place, or had monitors installed to play videos like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v82Z-LwL888
Or do they do that already?

David Mason said...

Its VERY that video.

Race said...

What do the guys wear? Any different from a normal gym? Could you workout in any SIU?

mascdudewriter said...

LMAO, a Bigod 20 gym?? Sign me up!

LUCIEN said...

Dave's magic exilir of events - makes me prouder to be gay every new day

LUCIEN said...

But SUE - we LOVE you so much now the way you are baby lady !

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