Thursday, July 9, 2009

Madrid and its gay pride overload.

WOW?! I did not know what I was getting into with this Madrid "pride" thing. It really should not be considered a "pride festival" because it is NOTHING like any other crappy Pridefest YOU and C.C PENNISTON have ever been to! Its honestly MILLIONS of people, ACTUAL MILLIONS, celebrating GAYNESS. Usually nothing makes me feel LESS NORMAL then a gay pride event, I feel like I relate to nobody and feel more alone then ever even though Im surrounded by a ton of people who are supposed to be "like me" but I have to say this experience was very different. Im not sure if its just because Im older and im less insecure or I could just generally care less and was there to have a good time all by myself....Who knows but I was happy and I wasnt gonna question it... Getting out of the taxi I was greeted by some maybe tweaker / maybe homeless person who was actually very sweet and kept calling me "GUAPO! GUAPO!" So I was fine with it and thought "If this is how its gonna be Madrid is FIERCE!". He helped me find my hotel which was in the heart of the Chueca which is the gay neighborhood and it was only 25 euros a night?!?! Granted it wasnt glamourous but I didnt care because the cheapness of the accommodations just made the trip all the sweeter actually. Remember I hadnt planned this trip, I bought the ticket I few days before I left at my friend Graham from the Uks suggestion because he wasnt going to take the room he already booked because he was staying at a friends so I was just happy to be there. Thats the main drag that the parade happens on which is impressive but not really the thing you go for. Like other gay pride parades its VERY slow moving and there isnt much to see but its just TOTALLY BIZARRE to see a million straight people, or more, ACTUALLY CELEBRATING gay pride. Like they are seriously OFF THEIR FEET jumping up and down and SCREAMING for it?! We were up on a balcony luckily because if your on the street you run the risk of having buckets of water dumped on you, which I guess could be fun because then you have an excuse to walk around like a BIMBO with a WET T-SHIRT on...and I do have to say its mildly sadistic but dumping buckets of water on people is sorta fun when your on a balcony drinking champagne with a bunch of drunk gays running around in their underwear...

which brings me to my next thing...
Ok, So Im not into the drugs, in fact ive never even done them really, but I anticipated that I was gonna end up trying them because Europa likes her "candy" and I thought "when in rome" so i thought I'd at least try them to see what all the hype was about. Well it was just that, HYPE... OMG is THAT what a million episodes of Miami Vice were about EVEN THE ONES WITH SHEENA EASTON AND SHEILA E.?!, what Julie the cruise director from the Loveboat was ADDICTED to, what Stevie had to have blown up her BUTTHOLE because her nostrils ran thin?! What a bunch of bullshit?! I cant believe I was so scared of it all my life and thought if I tried it I would be an ADDICT RAGING PASS AROUND PARTY BOTTOM?! I dunno if this is a bad sign like Im actually a crazy caffeine addict or something but that shit is SO NOT WORTH IT!!?! I swear people who take it are just ACTING like their high and getting off on the head trip of it because I tried it THREE TIMES because everyone just kept saying " oh well you must have not done enough" or "Well it must have been bad coke", so I tried it two times in my nose and ONCE IN MY BUTTHOLE, administered by a HOT ARAB, who suggested it which I always thought it sounded hot so WHY NOT, but all I can say is either Im a BIG NUMB COW or that stuff just doesnt do it for me, all I felt was like a had a SLUG IN MY NOSTRIL. I get WAYYYYYYYY more "high" from just the caffeine pill I take before the gym which may be a bad sign because maybe that stuff is stronger then I realized, it is called METHYLDRINE after all.? Anyways I tried MDMA too...NOTHING... Im a sooo not into drugs and Im SOOOOO happy about it!!! I dont ever need to do them again?! Hurray! I thought I was missing something, nope, I'll stick to red bulls and vodka thanks!!! I was perfectly happy having those and running around smiling and making out with hairy hotties. Whats funny is I got offered drugs probably 10 times a day, mostly by BRITISH GUYS who were SOOOOOOOOOOO into the DRUGEROONIES?! ( I know youre gonna say its because theyre from an uptight culture , just like the arab, but whatever), It seemed as though they simply werent having as much fun. I kinda felt bad, its like they didnt get the connection. I would say "No thanks" and without fail every time theyd say " Oh I know its so stupid I dont know why I even do them....SNORT!" I dunno but maybe TRY SMILING and youd be surprised how much fun you have. One of these poor British queens was so messed up he fell down the stairs to the pool, which I'll go on about later, and didnt realize he had put a big BLEEDING PURPLE GOOP GASH on his foot, and walked to his towel and and I had to ask my friend that I made there "Do we tell him hes bleeding or not because once he knows its gonna HURT?!" but my friend did and once he told him the guy was like "OW OW OW OW!?" and was totally embarrassed and got all sad and said "Im killing myself on this?!" I was like...um yeah gurl, stick with the watermelon and sangria! It brings me zen-like joy....
Anways the parties are GIGANTIC, like the main one I didnt even go to because I was too overwhelmed and it had something like 18,000 gays, I went to the other ones and had a great time though I will say the first night I was a little self conscious as Madrid has been EATING THEIR HORMONES which I totally didnt expect as the rest of Europa walks for face only. I was not prepared for the level of ROIDATION either. Madrid almost has an L.A vibe to it without the cuntage. In fact everyone was VERY NICE, no cunting what-so-ever. They are INTO WORKING OUT, they had this protein shop that was RAD it looked more like an UPSCALE YOGURT SHOP all glossy white with a big CHANDELIER and a Chromy motorcycle in the window. It wasnt like a gnc here, they strictly had bodybuilding products and they KNEW THEIR MARKET! It was rad, someone should open one here. They do need a better gym though Francy and I busted it out there but the gym is about as big as a PINKBERRY. BTW walking around the crowded streets with Francy is like being the INVISIBLE MAN WALKING YOUR PET UNICORN!!! He is FAMOUS, its bizarre. I saw TWO people with his head thing. One guy just had it drawn on but he had a ton of other tattoos so Im assuming he was getting it done and the other guy had an official exact copy of it actually tatooed on. I guess it was only a matter of time that other people realized its kind of a good look if you have a bald head and want a "look"

I wont really go into the parties, you can imagine, HUGE, ROIDED OUT, the dancers can go naked and there were BODYBUILDERS with FACE and BIG DONGS.. it was OTT...They go on till like 10 a.m as Madrid starts late and is the most sleep deprived city in Europe apparently...
During the day everyone is at this public pool. Its FIERCE you sit there and EAT WATERMELON and drink these huge BIG GULP sangrias and SERVE IT in your SPEEDO. There are HUNDREDS of gays, all very friendly and chatty and Ive never seen anything like it. Being that its a public pool there are some small children running around and the parents could seriously care less about your GLOSSY BLACK SNAKESKIN BIKINI SPEEDO, they dont even blink. Its rad, I felt NORMAL for once in my life.
A REALLY NICE thing I forgot to mention is how there were almost NO New yorkers there, I saw two I knew. One we call CUNTALA who is only nice when shes HIGH ( and she isnt exactly charming then) and the other one I dont even think even has a nickname, so it was GREAT not knowing anyone because I was totally available to be nice instead of having to be like the usual cunty ny self because I didnt have to stand there and FAKE SMILE when youre introduced to someone that you already know is SHADEY or a secret PARTY BOTTOM TO TROLLS AT THE WESTSIDE CLUB. The fact that Americans in general barely seem to know about it is bizarre but fantastic. Once this catches on its going to be all any American gay does. Its affordable, the guys are hot and in record numbers, AND theyre nice. Its gonna be huge with the U.S gays I guarantee it!




I feel like Ive written too much so Im gonna quit but I really cant recommend it enough, it was a lot of fun and I met some really nice guys. Including one especially handsome hunk named Uhain but pronounced WINE so I call him "FINE WINE" who really made the trip special as he showed me around and took me out to eat and was just hunky and sweet. We went to a gallery in some fancy neighborhood, and he bought this drawing which I actually had seen before of Francy which I thought was a sensible purchase and a great representation of "09".
All and all it was a great time and I cant say enough nice things about it. I will try and upload a video of the scene outside my hotel window of the crazy scene going on and these two small children who were loving dumping LARGE buckets of water on innocent drunken heterosexuals, which I thought was AWESOME ( I particularly like how in the video clip, after they throw the water the doors close and the screen comes down as if they didnt just do it- they repeated it like five times). Just know that that was not a main street just this little street outside my hotel window, but thats not even how crowded it gets, its like if you combined New Years in Times Square plus Mardis Gras plus Christmas at the Mall of America except its 3 a.m and the straight people are there for GAY PRIDE?! You actually see straight guys with RAINBOWS painted on their stomach like theyre at a football game and girls wrapped in rainbow flags...its so weird but im not complaining, its sorta all I ever wanted I dont even care if they dont care and just want a reason to party. The fact that some FULL QUEEN can walk down the street in a WHITE LEATHER HARNESS and a LAVENDER ASYMETRICAL THIONG with NOBODY batting an eyelash is FIERCE and NO that queen was NOT ME?! ......but I did go to the underwear shop and buy that ASSYMETRICAL THONG, I HAD TO! and YES I will be offering it on Slick It Up


video video

18 comments:

Oliver M said...

Can't believe I missed you there David!!! Anyway you should come back to Madrid when its not gay pride for a taste of the real thing. Spain - and especially Madrid and Barcelona - is fantastic. The people are nice, genuine, not to mention sexy as hell, and once you get into their life style rhythm (eating at 10 or 11pm, hitting the bars at 1am, clubs at 2-3am, sleeping in till 11am) a holiday in Spain rocks.

I'm glad you had an awesome time - I live in London and absolutely love coming to Spain :-)
PS Did you go to the fetish party on the Sunday and what did you wear?

Anonymous said...

Great review of your trip!

Your comments about drugs in the gay community were interesting. I have never done them either and no matter what I am doing I have a blast! And I am nice to people too! Maybe it is a self-esteem issue or maybe more gay guys need to say "I don't give a fuck what others think?" Hopefully your comments will be a wake up call for some people or save a life.

Welcome home stud.

-G

witomski said...

Dave...Amazing!...Now that you've whet out appetits...looking forward to more of your great naratives...Joe

David Mason said...

I didnt make it to the fetish party, I was so overwhelmed...

David Mason said...

Thanks for the comments guys :)

Muscled Dad said...

A couple of thoughts for what it's worth. First, you were "fresh meat", meaning that you weren't what everyone else was (kinda like ur comment about not seeing other NYer's there)...plus Euro gay guys LOVE Americans...not sure why but they do. And Pride is ALL ABOUT feeling normal (not the parades, parties or whatever else), that's when it's truly perfect...regardless of what "normal" is in your own head. So great that you felt good there, just as yourself. And also good that drugs didn't "do it for you"...alot of druggies, esp. at parties, are chasing the memory of that last great time/high. It's a curse, and yeah, I used to be part of it. Oh and I LOVED dancing totally naked at mega parties, surrounded by other big, face guys. THAT was liberating for me, personally. Lastly, EuroPride is not new...just new to you. But that's all that really matters, rt?

David Mason said...

Did I say Euro Pride is new??? and this wasnt EURO PRIDE anyways, it was Madrid pride if youre gonna get all huffy about being techincal.

Muscled Dad said...

Ah. Well. Jeez. Certainly no offense intended. Still glad that you had a good time (although I don't know you other than to follow your personal ramblings here and, in reality, could care less)...but maybe my sentiment got lost in translation. Or ur just thin-skinned.

gavin said...

Wow, it sounds like fun and confirms everything I've heard about Spanish people's attitudes toward gays.

Being gay is a cause celebré instead of an abomination.

Lucky you. All I get to do is observe the typical American hillbilly's hatred toward gays through BRUNO and Xbox Live!

Nick Moretti said...

Thanks for sharing your Madrid Pride experience. Hope I get there some day. Oh... and I'm glad the drugs don't do it for you and you got that out of your system. Red bull and Vodka rocks! (Although, tequilla rocks more.)

Sue said...

I am so glad that you liked Madrid and that Pride was so wonderful! I had no idea that heteros attended the parade in such numbers! I found people to be very friendly there too. Glad you hooked up with Sagat as well. Isn't the Chueca cool? That is where I bought my stylin' fedora. What a dream to live there... with all those hot menz... You didn't take enough photos! You are forgiven. ;)

Race said...

Wow, sounds like you had a great trip. And good company, too. Glad to have you back. Will you go again next year?

David Mason said...

Yes for sure, hopefully with a bunch of friends :)

Anonymous said...

On the drug tip, I'm with you in that I had never done drugs before a trip and after dropping I was like "this is it?" I mean people act all crazy and fucked up and I just felt like I'd had two drinks and that was it. Talk about a let down. I have zero urge to do them again.

Jay said...

I had the exact same reaction to coke. I was thinking "what in hell is the big deal?" It's not even sleazy-glamorous. It's useless. I get more relaxation and social lubrication out of a pint of Guiness.

Anonymous said...

btw whoever mentioned xbox live above, buddy me: cabanarama

(pardon the interruption)

Erik said...

Glad you had a good time but even gladder that you´re back - the blog world just isn´t the same when you´re away!

John Michael said...

walking around the crowded streets with Francy is like being the INVISIBLE MAN WALKING YOUR PET UNICORN!

That may be the most perfectly descriptive metaphor I've read in ages... but don't you have to be a virgin to capture a unicorn?