Monday, August 10, 2009

I love how this is supposed to be a FEMME QUEEN catagory?!

You could not come up with a VIOLENT, JARRING, AGGRESSIVE dance if you tried. I cant actually figure out what qualifies as "femme" about it being that I just saw a person almost get KICKED IN THE FACE and then BOUNCE UP OFF THE FLOOR?! I think if I were to get all ARTSY and WHITE about about a culture I couldnt possibly know anything about Id say its a therapeutic expression that harkens of influence from DOMESTIC ABUSE, VOODOO, STRIPPING and SELF DEFENSE/GANG INITIATION all of which might be more common to you growing up if youre a black queen from the ghetto. As a POLISH COW from the ADIRONDACKS who cant even touch his toes I must admit I TOTALLY WISH I could do this stuff! Imagine if some came for you and instead of fighting you THREW YOURSELF ON THE GROUND WITH A NINJA HIGH KICK?!? Theyd GAG! Id NEVER touch anyone who could do that because if youre willing to throw YOURSELF to the ground and seem to not only be fine doing it but EXCELL AT IT who knows what the fuck they could do to YOU?!?!? I mean this is someone who is clearly not afraid to take a hit?! If biological women actually could do this stuff I would like them a lot more..... but probably still not want most of them around me.


Martha Stewart said...

Dear David,

Boy does this take me back.

I believe it was Bette Midler's "Hulaween" a few years ago.(When you're a rich, white person, that's the only time you're allowed to appear in costume, unless you count those secret Illuminati gatherings.)

Anyway, I was sitting at my table surveying the room with my patented pleasant-but-disapproving scowl when this whirling dervish of a Tasmanian devil comes at me. Before you could say "It's a good thing," I had a butter knife in one hand and a demi-tasse spoon in the other. Prison teaches you to be both resourceful and how to cut a bitch.

I had never really been in a fight before, unless you count my brief stint with the WWE, but I took that crazy down and out. And let me tell you, Kathy Lee Gifford has not bothered me since.

Martha Stewart

brando said...

Oh my god, I don't think I've ever told you how much my best friend and I LOVE LEYOMI!!!!! I LIVE!!

All of this started off pretty femme, but just like girls- it got catty off stage and with the added testosterone, it got more and more aggressive as we got into the Aughts.

So now these categories are no longer about being femme, it's about embarrassing the hell out of your oppenent and the crowds love a good catfight.

Speaking of, The Latex Ball is this Saturday queen and we're going. Would you like to come and see this in person?!?!

Is so, I'll buy you a ticket gurl! haha!

David Mason said...

ooooh, maybe i should go?!?! That could be fun!! What do i wear?

Anonymous said...

Yes, I was going to tell you about the Latex. It is this Saturday. FOr the first time this year they are charging admission: $10 before, $20 at the door.
I think the only place to get the tix tho' are at GMHC.

It is a kiki function and as all these balls gets going way later than the stated time but because the Roseland chops them at 4AM SHARP! they do TRY to get started on time. Usually around 10 ish for the grand march of the House of Latex, then the announcing of the judges calling out of Legends, etc. Usually categories are starting around 11-12. Unfortunately they don't get to all the categories listed but they do try to get to the big performance ones like Femme New Way and such.

This is a BIG event so do try to get there earlyish otherwise its lines around the block! (unless of course you've pre-bought your ticket) and be rested because it do drag - timewise that is... but try to stay to the end you will see fierce shit and LOOKS, there will be LOOKS - head to toe!


LUCIEN said...

Dave _ I am stunned - YOU said you can't dance Come on gurlfrien ! I bet you can shake that money maker on the dance floor like you are a YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE finalist!
Tell us for real that you are good on the dance floor

brando said...

What do you wear?!?! I'm more than positive you have something that will gag the children!!

Black queens love a white queen that knows how to bring it. I would suggest that old racing suit that you wore on the Slick It Up website with the shades to match (red stripe down the side) BUT with heels if you can manage it (add a disapproving scowl to complete the look).

Or that old look of yours with the SIU tshirt that you wore as a mask and the gym pants (you wore it to a fashion party that I was at and DIDN'T know it was you!!! Small damn world!!!). That look will get the homo thugs going.

So it depends on what you're going for. If you want action at the end of the night, the SIU t-shirt look. If you want to gag, the racing suit with heels- you've gotta go all the way if you want to impress these cunty whores! The crowd is mainly going to be regulars dressed nicely with a nice amount of queens decked out.

I'm off today and I'm going to buy my outfit- hopefully my beard will have grown in more by Saturday, I'm rocking the bald head with beard look. I may do an old rocabilly vibe (from 99X NYC) and come at those hoes from a whole different direction.

Anonymous said...

ok this gotta be the best blog you posted ... very honest and to the point WHITEBOY ! :)