Monday, September 28, 2009

Score one for having a meat head!!!!

If youve ever seen me, or read this blog, youve heard me talk about what my friends describe as my "korean moon head". I have a big bovine meat face which usually I think sucks because some days I look in the mirror and there is a CATCHERS MITT staring back at me... BUT... today I am soooooooo happy to be blessed with PLEISTOCENE MEGA-FAUNA POLLOCK GENETICS... Why???
Well I am still in Paris, having a great time btw, I will talk more about it later with photos. Im working out at "GYM" louvre which is like half "gym" and half sex club. Its BARELY a gym and if were going to consider it a gym it is the worst gym I've ever been to. Its soooooooo small that its actually dangerous, ANNE FRANK had a bigger home gym! There is NO room for anything, I had to move in the middle of an exercise three times because the space is so limited if some starts working out next to you, you cant because there simply isnt the arm space and suddenly someones elbow is inches away from your face. The equipment is from 1984 at best and designed in the worst way possible, like some of it is actually BAD FOR YOU the way its engineered, its very cold war era.
Anyways, like any WHOREHOUSE WORTH ITS SALT, on the ceiling they have MIRRORS with little white lights which is actually REALLY BAD because its so distracting when youre trying to focus with 200 lbs over your face and all you can see is this star filter effect with your face swirling around in it, its VERY Aaron Cobbett, which is fierce for a GLAMOUR SHOT but NOT when youre struggling with mass poundage of metal OVER YOUR FACE. SO Im trying to do the incline bench press, luckily its only a warm up so there is no weight, just the bar, and I THINK Ive put the bar back in the rack because the STROBE LIGHTS going off in my eyes made it a TAD difficult to tell but I THOUGHT I did so I LET GO with my hand and WHAM! OUCH?! I just dropped the 45lbs bar ON MY FACE?! LUCKILY it simply BOUNCED OFF MY MEAT HEAD then hit me in the nose and then the ground, SHOCKINGLY it didnt leave a mark?! In fact it didnt even hurt?! I dunno how, maybe I have BRAIN DAMAGE, but at least my face isnt fucked up?! THE FRENCHMAN sitting across from me, remember its like 6 INCHES AWAY, was just staring at me cock eyed like "You just dropped a BARBELL ON YOUR FACE..... are you sure youre ok?" It hurt for like 1 second and then it was perfectly fine, score one for being a meat face!!! I had a slight goose egg on my nose for a second so I kinda looked like the CUNTY BLONDE DUDE from the Karate Kid, but its gone now!!! HURRAY! My front teeth are sorta numb for some reason but I would have DIED if I broke my nose 2 days before shooting with exterface THOUGH I MUST SAY the black eyes you get when that happens sometimes could have been kinda hot...
I will write more later, Im actually staying on a boat at Place de Concord, its incredible. It looks out at the Eiffel Tower one way and Notre D,ame the other way. Its a VERY Goldie Hawn in the BEGINNING of OVERBOARD moment. ( thank you GOD) I soooooooo wish I brought my american flag slingshot thong because I SOOOO would be serving it to them, you know they love it. Dont let them fool you.The American Flag thong we sell on Slick It Up is almost EXCLUSIVELY purchased by the French, I think for them its SECRETLY FETISHISTIC, to wear the american flag as a thong, but I dont know if its more about submission or domination of the U.S ... Im thinking secret submission, the answer is almost ALWAYS secret submission when it comes to that question of what people want.


Anonymous said...

u only bench 200lbs?is that how you stay so petite, lady?

Anonymous said...

Thank god for your meat head!

I am so jealous that you are staying on a bateau sur la Seine a Place de la Concorde! I have been there and eaten at a restaurant at the corner! The view is truly magnificent. Sigh. All I can say is egad!

NSFW said...

VERY glad you didn't get your teeth knocked-out !!

sounds like one of those euro-gyms that open 10am till 8pm, and are closed Sundays.

Aaron said...


Aaron said...


Jay said...

Why didn't you have Straight Phil spot you?

That a hilarious story, just glad you're not dead.

youreviltwin said...

i have the exact same thing. when i was in foster care, one of my foster brothers snuck up behind me and hit me on the side of the head with an aluminum baseball bat, and it DID split my ear in half and cut my head open a bit, but i still got up and beat the shit out of him until he looked like the elephant man/i was dragged to the hospital. Another time, i was waiting for the school bus and this kid punched me in the face and broke his hand and his wrist, and i didn't even do anything back, and he started crying. it's the closest thing i've ever gotten to superhuman abilities in this lifetime. VIVA LA MEATHEAD!

post script: also, in a fight, your best friend is almost ALWAYS the headbutt (speaking of broken noses).

gavin said...

Oh, you should totally make a fetish out of WILLIAM ZABKA!

But I must confess, my favorite '80s movie high school bully will always be Steve Antin, a hot HOT actor who eventually came out as gay in his private life!

AMERICAN PIE's Stifler owes his whole existence to Steve Antin and William Zabka ...

gavin said...

Oh my god ... speaking of Steve Antin, how's this movie trailer for a blast from the past?

"THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN ... See it, or BE it!"

Anonymous said...

Naturally, I was delighted to read your post... but
" the CUNTY BLONDE DUDE from the Karate Kid " made me squeal!
Glad you're okay, and love that you're having a grand time in Paris... stop by the LV store on the Champs and take a gander at the ceiling in the main luggage room. Last time I was there they served me Champagne in there while I waited for them to find the key to a cabinet... tres chic! And there's a groovy little book store upstairs too... in Louis Vuitton... who knew?!
Air Kisses

Erik said...

I agree... you´d look really really sexy with a stubble and a black eye (as long as you didn´t make a habit out of it!) Bruised boxers would make for a very hot Slick shoot!

atthehouseofvader said...

No bruised boxers!!!! Please!!! No image is more gaytired than that!!!

LUCIEN said...

Mon Dieu Dave cher ! - Be careful with that money making glamorous puss of yours . We all love it.

I was born & lived in Paris for sometime . There is something magical about the place in all its glory and its grand destiny . Maybe some special French angels were looking down and taking care of a special & handsome & dear American in Paris :-)

Jennifer Juniper Stratford said...

"oooh thank you god!!!!!"
Your life is really rockin' these days..Paris and no bruises from barbells.
Why wont you mention that Amanda Lear is playing in Paris soon? The only thing out of sync..but maybe you will

faginlove said...

If u go by the hotel bristol beween the 1st and 8th, have a look at the International Designer Showcase of the National Jewelry Institute.. I'm the one from HK, and a huge fan of yours!

Martha Stewart said...

Dear David,

Just a reminder to all your HOV readers that tomorrow is October 1.

Start sharpening your black crayons.

Halloween is just around the corner.

Martha Stewart

FLS said...

Dave, handsome! Staying fit and attractive is important, I know that and specially considering your products, but training at these crappy outdated gyms is not smart. Please be careful.

We all love you, but we love you alive for God's sake!

Mathieu said...

OMG I went to that "gym" too because I thought it might be cheaper to work out there than the other tiny and expensive gay Club Med Gym which is nearby, and I had the same trouble with the equipment, but what shocked me most was that there is a bar in the same room with people SMOKING while you work out. Gross!

I left other the other (immodestly - disappointed) patrons without enjoying any of them downstairs.

Benoît Prévot said...

Hey Matthiew
I 've never been in this gym, but there's a long time ago that it is not permtted,to smoke in public spaces,a least 3 years ago you could in smoking spaces, how long have you been there!
I am so tired of showing the french as huge smokers, because Italiens, Spanish, english, Now chinese are smoking a lot more than the frenchs, .
This is the american that trademark this wonderful way of life with liberty in the blonds cigarettes and there is not a long time ago, in Americans movies they where smoking in each scenes in bed taxis hospital, etcetc. North americans seem to have forgotton this period ! Not so far away!
A Parisian citizen!
I a m fed up as showing the frenchs with accordeons baguettes cigarettes etcetc .
(Even if I eat baguette and play accordeon...)

Mathieu said...

Sorry to offend - first of all I love Paris, and the non smoking rule I really appreciate (especially after spending the last few months in Greece / Eastern Europe / Barcelona).

I was just there in June this year when this happened (and I'm flying to Paris tomorrow night in fact - I'm in Barcelona now) and I knew it was exceptional which is why I noted it. But I assure you there WAS a guy smoking!

And anyway for the record I'm Australian :)

See you in Paris!!

Maddy McMan said...

LMAO @ the beginning of your post. I,too, have have a Korean moonface(also called moon pie or a flapjack)and I'm a black man from GA. You were just singing my with them words.

The only other benefit to having moon face is that noone can tell your age.