Wednesday, November 11, 2009

The New Clash of the Titans trailer

Ok, these are my thoughts: Im 90% sure I will go see it just because I love the first one which is probably a BAD REASON to go see it because im setting myself up for disappointment BUT, I will say Im a sucker for good big monsters and this clearly has them so Im hoping that it will be entertaining as Legendary Pictures is doing it and I actually liked the other movies theyve done BUT, and its a medium sized BUT- (think underwear model not quite baseball player butt) Im disappointed by the casting... One of the reasons that the first one was cool was that Olympus was populated by Maggie Smith, Ursula Andress, and Lawrence Olivier not to mention the FIERCE Burgess Meredith though not on the guest list for Olympus he was still around on Earth so things were good from the start with or without the JUST AS FIERCE and JUST AS LIMBER Ray Harryhausen clay monsters which I WISH they would do again in a movie because at this point computer graphics arent impressive necessarily and I would be more impressed by seeing the actual hands on work someone did in a movie then by how real a computer can make something look. I mean I'm not a movie person but I have to say it wasnt until I looked at the casting list with the little photos on IMDB that I realized Liam Neeson and Ralph Finnes were different people. I think if you showed me a picture of either of them I would have said either of their names. Now Im not just gonna sit here and say I dont like the casting without suggesting what I would like so in my FANTASY WORLD I would like:
Perseus: Francois Sagat ( Bitch would serve you assymetrical toga DOWN, along with a gold thong which would only be revealed when he sat on pegasus and bounced up and down))
Zeus: Karl Lagerfeld - Im comfortable with the idea of Zeus having a german accent AND a pout!
Venus: Jerry Hall OR Amanda Lear- Having it played by an old pro who is well versed in the art of attraction/deception is sorta mandatory. A young beauty doesnt do much for me.
Poseidon: Tim Curry - REALLY queening it up! and because theyre in Olympus where earth rules dont apply he could wear a live octopus on his shoulder like a parrot and it would morph its color and texture to suit his ensemble.. and hold his glass AND hand mirror! AND be cunty about it so when Venus ( played by Jerry Hall) said something about being young and gorgeous it would twist the mirror to her face after Tim made some cunty "Youre 12000 years old if your a DAY" comment... Werk.. I so want a cunting pet octopus!
Athena: Cher
Medusa: Grace Jones - Just think of how great she would look in the shadows swathed in purples and gold maybe with weird fierce "glasses" type things to shield her eyes and simultaneously serve ancient 80s sunglass realness THEN imagine how she could do THE BEST SNAKE REVEAL by pulling down the purple cowl that of course shes wearing, and has been wearing, and probably is wearing RIGHT NOW from the 1982 Issey Miyake collection.


Anonymous said...

I think the lame "This is AWESOME!!!!" rock music sucks a lot of the fun out of the trailer. But I guess that's expected in something trying to get the attention of some 18 year old who's never heard of the original. I'm on the fence...why would you try to remake 'Clash of the Titans' as some bland '300'-esque wannabe? The original had a metal owl that was ripping off on R2-D2.

Your idea is EXACTLY how this thing should've been remade...cunty shoulder octopuss, a past her prime pro as Venus, freakin' Grace Jones doing some rad snake hair reveal. probably just ruined the real remake for me...but that's ok.

Queer Me Now said...

OMG! I LOVE the original movie! I watched it like a hundred times (I thought that Pegasus was so cool) and definitely go see this movie.

brianZ said...

Ha!!! Start pitching that shit, I want to see it happen ALREADY.

Also, HOW WAS YOUR HALLOWEEN WITH YOUR BUTTER RICAN COP? I've been waiting to hear about your Clydesdale pussy session and NOT A PEEP.

p.s. how about that Jersey Manatee?

Rescued from Jersey and taken to FISH JAIL at the Seaquarium

David Mason said...

I posted about halloween, look below, Its was just sorta exhausting... to be honest I just got crabby and tired. My costume was a nightmare.

youreviltwin said...

i think that they should remake return to the valley of the dolls and let you be in charge of that.

gavin said...

LOL! Wonderful re-envisioning of the gods. I want to watch your version!

"Legendary Pictures is doing it and I actually liked the other movies theyve done"

I like almost everything they've done, although 10,000 B.C. and LADY IN THE WATER sucked HARD.

I would agree that they seem to pick directors who have shown brilliance at least somewhere in their careers.

But CLASH OF THE TITAN's Louis Letterier is probably the least experienced, least talented director they've ever hired. DANNY THE DOG and TRANSPORTER 2 were mediocre; his INCREDIBLE HULK looked good but was an awful, convoluted story with lame characters. INCREDIBLE HULK clearly shows that Leterrier doesn't know how to direct a good CGI fight scene, as Hulk and the monster he showdowned with were both too indestructible. They were so unharmed by each others' attacks that their fight was boring, NUMBING, predictable and free of suspense or danger. At some point, you have to do more than just smash stuff to be exciting.

CLASH OF THE TITANS (2010) is obviously trying to copycat Zak Snyder's Spartan movie 300 with the visuals and the March release date. Those oversized, turban-headed bad guys and the hardcore rock soundtrack are SO 300. Leterrier's Graeae witches also look derivative of Guillermo Del Toro's work (PAN'S LABYRINTH, HELLBOY).

All this copycatting makes me nervous. Each movie should stand on its own, preferably with originality.

I really want CLASH OF THE TITANS to succeed and I really love the Greek myths.

But I really wanted TRANSFORMERS to succeed, too!

"Ray Harryhausen clay monsters which I WISH they would do again in a movie"

Ray Harryhausen was consulted in designing the the new TITANS, according to wikipedia.

But it's probably just for CGI. You're right that a wonderful clay art form is waning. (Go see the WALLACE AND GROMIT movies. Or FANTASTIC MR. FOX or Michel Gondry's stuff, for organic handiwork).

My problem with trying to copy Harryhausen or the original TITANS too much is that it distorts the true picture of the classical myths and legends. People don't realize that TITANS was an original fiction that changed and mutated the classic stories and characters as much as LORD OF THE RINGS changed Norse mythology. A very liberal, original fiction; not what the historic Greeks and Romans believed.

People think Perseus got to own and ride Pegasus. He didn't -- Bellerophon did!

And Hades got the helmet of invisibility.

People think Medusa had a snake's body as well as the hair. She didn't -- the classical Greeks and Romans portrayed her as a devastatingly beautiful woman from face to toe -- only her hair was snakey and inhuman.

People think the sea monster who attacked Andromeda was a giant, humanoid cyclops. He wasn't -- SHE was a whale-like creature named Ceto.

If Leterrier is going to liberally change Harryhausen's CLASH OF THE TITANS (which involving Hades and deleting Calibos suggests), he may as well have his OWN original fictions instead of copying Harryhausen's, Zak Snyder's or Guillermo Del Toro's.

We'll see how much of a remake this is, and whether it's a good thing to be more loyal to Harryhausen than to classical literature or originality.

But I'm happy with the casting. Liam Neeson is generic, but that's his strength and he's a good, solid actor.

I totally disagree with seeing Ralph Fiennes as generic. He ROCKS SO HARD and is one of the most intriguing, utterly original actors around. He is a wizard with villains -- he makes them human and relatable, but also unpredictable, mad, weird; different each time.

Sam Worthington is talented and HOT -- I just want to tap his ass back to the Bronze Age. Maybe he's too overexposed at the moment (TERMINATOR, AVATAR, TITANS all in the same year).

This in no way negates the fabulousity of Hamlin, Olivier, Smith, et al. We'll always have that wonderful mix to appreciate, too, just like Harryhausen's pioneering work.