Sunday, December 13, 2009

Holidays in the LONGHOUSE with SHORT PEOPLE



I just came back from an X-mas party at Aaron Cobbetts house and I was introduced to the INDIAN FROM THE VILLAGE PEOPLE. I sorta didnt know what to do?! If you read this blog at all you know Phil my assistant is not only NOT GAY but also a HALF BREED so I CANNOT WAIT to see him tomorrow to tell him I now have THE WORLDS MOST FAMOUS NATIVE AMERICANS' card in my wallet. He was very nice and very kind but between YOU and ME and PHIL he did lay it on KINDA THICK... all I'll say is he brought up THE TRAIL OF TEARS and shes half PUERTO RICAN, so even my CRACKER ASS was a little like "Squaw Please.?!" but I assume hes not used to talking to people who work with a Native American all the time so hes just trying to be informative.
Aaron just shot Junior Stellano for the new Slick It Up Campaign, I will of course post the pictures as many places as possible once theyre ready, Junior was super sweet and easy going and hot which is all you would ever want in a model. I had never been to Aarons place before and it was exactly how I imagined, very the original NUMBERS in LA if you remember that place I.E "COKEABLE SURFACES" abound. I was impressed by his LACK of his own work on the walls, I cannot say I share the same modesty. I mean today I went to Target in the RAIN to buy a picture frame for a portrait someone did of me that involves a FAUX ORAL CUM SHOT.... I mean there ISNT MUCH I wont put on my wall so long as it involves as nice image of me on it. Yes I know thats GROSS, like MAJOR gross, but just understand I was raised with this attitude that VANITY IS BAD so of course as an adult I RELISH IT. Did I ever tell you the story about my first modeling job that happened to be with RAGING CUNT selma hayek ( I wont even give her capital letters) and I was sorta proud of it because it looked sorta like the Gaultier perfume ads and when I returned home for X-MAS I proudly showed it to my mother and my mom only said "It would be nice if your lips didnt look so red." ... OUCH?!!!!...
( my head looks weird because you cant see the white sailor hat and im kneeling of course because she didnt want to look like the HALF A HUMAN that she is so I had to "model short"- the only real crime) AND I WASNT WEARING ANY MAKE-UP ?!?! Like they seriously said, "Dont put anything on him, he looks fourteen, and will be great if we dont get rid of the pimple" and it DID?! UGH I will NEVER get over that comment no matter how many times I tell it to ANY GAY THAT WILL LISTEN... but damn that was the harsh lesson my mother wanted to get across which is VANITY ISNT FIERCE and I get it, it ISNT .. BUT.. a little IS especially if its followed by copious amount of SELF DEPRECATION and SELF AWARENESS which I THINK mine is. She shouldnt have come for me on the FIRST SHOT though, I think if she had waited a little longer and said "Do you really need another picture of yourself" I mighta though "Ok Im being gross" but now she mildly created a monster. Though I do understand her message of GETTING YOUR PICTURE TAKEN is NOT a SKILL or SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF or a TALENT which is SO TRUE and is something the WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW.. BUT as a BABY GAY youre just BEGGING for someone to say "Youre pretty and desirable and not a HORRIBLE WORTHLESS CREATURE like EVERYONE ELSE HAS TOLD YOU". I feel like writing/purging this helps though. If you havent noticed Ive found that this blog is a great place for me to vent and express things that if I didnt may have otherwise be left repressed so then I just end up cunting some innocent person who doesnt deserve it. So if you like these entries hurray, Im glad I made you laugh but they also serve a purpose to MILK THE VENOM FROM MY SOUL....
Incase you were wondering why that half armenian ( or something "esey" or "nian" which I only mention because lady tries to milk that latin stuff for EVERY CENT ITS WORTH), BARELY LATIN, SHORT, gold digger was such a cunt I will tell you now. When I walked on the set, remember this is my FIRST job ever, she exclaimed "HES TOO TALL!!!" which is FIERCE but also remember I was like 22 and NERVOUS and AWKWARD AS FUCK and Ive managed to upset the "talent" just by walking in the door which of course is exactly what I felt like what would happen everywhere I went since I was 6. THEN she was sitting on my lap for this shot and starts WHISPERING ABOUT ME to her FAG MANAGER which of course was MILDLY AWKWARD being that I WAS SITTING RIGHT THERE , in fact "UM CUNT youre ON MY LAP" then she kept demanding that this WICKED BAD "rock" cover of "I will survive" be replayed OVER AND OVER..UGH that TURD sucked HARD but I guess she gave me an ALMOST INTERESTING story so I guess I need to say "Thank you short, horrible, "actress personality" lady for the memories."
BUT GUESS WHAT, her HORRID SHORTNESS and this modeling story leads us back to the beginning of this entry and the ENTIRE POINT of it which was to say THANK YOU AARON COBBETT for giving me the gift I have been waiting for for years "Jerry Halls TALL TALES". Last year I asked you readers for it and of course you said to yourself "Fuck yourself cunt go find it yourself", which you SHOULD, but at least Aaron has earned his WISH MAKER patch from me and I will have some reading to do this season... some VERY LEGGY READING!

11 comments:

Avenjer said...

Ugh, that's a crappy situation salma put you in. Maybe she knew her tig-old-bitties were not having any effect on you (they're used to controlling the room where ever she goes) Maybe she knew when she walked in, the room's attention was elsewhere, and you were too much for her ta-tas to handle.

Anonymous said...

I think she's Lebanese, not Armenian. A lot of Mexico is!

I think Felipe Rose lays on the Native American thing that heavy because he made his entire career off that headdress and he wants to do right by it. Everyone meets him & especially Randy Jones, but where are David Hodo, Alex Briley, and Ray Simpson?

Lucien said...

Most enticing modeling story !

youreviltwin said...

salma hayek is an AWFUL actress, and apparently she's a miserable bitch, too. i honestly can't believe she's still around...

i DO like the photo, though! i think you look cute in retro-sailor drag.

David Mason said...

Thanks guys! She is around for the same reason most men keep women around.. she has nice tits. Once shes old though shell get the chop and she doesnt have a gay fan base so its not ike shes gonna have fans. When you have a gay fan base you get old and it doesnt matter they still love you even when the straight guys have dumped you for the new girl...

witomski said...

Dave....it's Monday, it sucks and you've made my day! You have to be one of the funniest fuck'n boys alive!....Joe

razor714 said...

lol, i'm sensing a theme here with you and vivavacious latinas of lebanese descent: selma hayek, shakira, who's next donna shalala???(ok donna shalala isn't latina so maybe a stretch). it's like holy water and the devil - they just don't mix. ironic, as you do have a thing for arab GUYS (maybe it's that same domineering attitude that's hot when you wanna bone someone but sucks ass when you don't) or, perhaps, somewhere in a past life you were a harem girl but not the HEAD harem girl and that residual animosity has followed you into this world -- or they could just be bitches. don't worry bud, you are the HEAD harem girl now :D!!!! so fuck them all.

Aaron said...

Glad to hear you had a nice time, Ive been saving that TALL TALES for you all year!

fairviewsue said...

I would love to see your place and all your photos of yourself! This is why: you are gorgeous! I cannot believe your mother told you otherwise! I think you need me to go and rave about your photos just so you know for sure. Selma who?

I cannot wait to see Aaron Cobbett's photo of Junior Stellano in SIU gear and post them on my blog! That will be so HOT!

gavin said...

Actually, achieving physical excellence is the accomplishment that merits photos taken of models.

And as beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, "excellence' can be a lot things for different artistic purposes.

Hot people are simply born with good faces and perhaps metabolism, but the muscle fitness took you a lot of hard work and steroids that most people don't commit to.

So that picture of excellence does justify your exhibitionism or being a model.

As you say, it would only be wrong if you were a pure narcissist with no consciousness toward yourself or other people, but you're not.

So tell mama you have things to be proud of and she's more than welcome to judge, but you're not going to be deterred.

Tom said...

Man, Dave, maybe you didn't like the shoot with Selma, but you definitely look hot in that pic. I love the results!!