Monday, December 7, 2009

I just drove 400 miles for a hamper.


Ok I drove to the borer of MAINE this weekend with my Rican fetish top to pick up this TREASURE CHEST that I intend on using as a hamper. Like all good things in this world its BIG AND STUDDED AND COVERED IN LEATHER. The old eastern european man I bought it from didnt know where it was from but assumed France or Spain and said he bought it as an investment in 1994 and showed me the receipt from the auction house and I bought it for cheaper then he paid so Im happy, so even if its a fake I dont care as it has "the look". Did I ever mention how in Istanbul the trader asked me where I was from because I was such a CUNTING MISER when it came to bargaining that once I said I was from NY he said "Oh thats why, youre from Ny, People from NY are tough...like JEW!" .... WERK?!!! SNAP!.
We stayed over night in Boston which like all small "big cities" has its MEGA-PLEX GAY CLUB which is always full of the young gays and their BIG BONED girl friends that they work in the MALL with. I understand the reason for them as I was one and had one too, and still do, but I DO NOT bring her to the bars anymore because my testicles have grown big enough that I can CRUISE ON MY OWN THANK YOU and dont need the back up from my best girl friend. I dont think the young gays know it but the big girl back up is a major boner kill, I remember being young and wondering why its hard to get a hot "dude" and now i know why... believe it or not but HIGH FAGGOTRY PAIRED WITH A BIG GIRL is NOT SEXY?!?!?... At that age your trying to fight too many things I guess and its just a formula that works but damn am I happy Ive gone beyond that point in my life... That said my big girl friend is still FUCKING FIERCE and Id never change her but I just dont ask her to any event that involves SHIRTLESS MEN.
You also get to see the OUT TRENDS when you go to the smaller big cities and I declare at this moment BEARDS ARE OUT!! Im so happy about it because those CUNTING BEARDOS suck HARD. Ugh if I see another ART BEAR pretending like his beard isnt the TRIBAL TATTOO of the 2000s I will READ HER HARD. I understand if you had one BEFORE 2009 its cool but if you didnt BITCH YOU HAVE A "FAUXHAWK" from 2004 on your FACE! I want them to NEVER BE ABLE TO SHAVE IT either because theyre so damn pious about them too as if theyve been working a beard for EONS! Art bears need to take their BUTT MAGAZINE they bought at AMERICAN APPAREL and look in the mirror and say "Damn it Im a clone thats no different then the circuit queens of the 90s" then cry because theyre a SHAM and the OPPOSITE of creative or alternative as they claim... Sorry to rant but if they didnt have this attitude like they WERENT clones I wouldnt have a problem and in the beginning I didnt as a beard often looks good but now that every gay in brooklyn has one it needs to be addressed... CHARLATANS!

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love the hamper but sad not to hear any freaky sex stories from the road trip with the Rican, those are always best.

I do have to ask, if beards are now OUT, what the hell am I suppose to do as a bald gay man?!? I don't think guys who are fortunate enough to not lose their hair understand what us bald guys deal with. Can we at least keep a goatee????

-G

Anonymous said...

Aww I love beards. But then I've had one for 4 years or something. I shave it sometimes. People used to hate it when I first started growing it but now they bitch at me for shaving. Supposedly I look better with a beard even though they didn't like it so much before. Anyway, I feel like it's hard for a beard to really look bad since it's just natural body hair. I like seeing more men with beards. Not to be unique or alternative or something. It just looks nice on some guys.

mike said...

Good use of "Beardos". Love the blog!
It's become my new fave.

mike said...

Good use of "Beardos". Love the blog!
It's become my new fave.

brando said...

YES!!!!!! I felt like you snatched all of those thoughts in my head about art bears and put them on your site.

fairviewsue said...

Nice trunk! Horrible photo. Love the trunk!

Anonymous said...

Hate much...So anyways, how is the hamper do you like it?

fang said...

fierce.

youz on fiah.

*high fives*

David Mason said...

Im actually NOT anti beard, I like them a lot sometimes, Im just anti the faggot who thinks hes artsy now and smart because he has one and that now he doesnt have to workout because he reads BUTT magazine. Sorry but that "magazine" sucks and is the opposite of cool, it sell at American Apparel what a mistake for them to do it instantly outed that magazine as "HIPSTER DOUCHEBAG REALNESS" so actually Im GLAD they sell it there because it proves my theory is right. Ive been asked a couple times if I wanna be involved with it and the answer is NO. A writer for it asked me recently with an air of distain that you usually only hear from an OLD DIVORCE on a talk show "Why dont you use real models?" To which my answer is
A. They ARE real models, most of them I know personally.
B. Im not in the business of RUINING peoples fantasies, I'm in the business of fulfilling them.
C. Stop pretending that you actually want to see "real" people and arent just making a passive aggressive / totally jealous dig at something someone else is doing and youre angry that you feel you cant be part of it which is totally untrue and just a projection on your part. There is a yahoo fan group with over 2000 members and pics backing this theory up.... Fuckin beardo.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy your blog but sometimes you can be fairly mean-spirited. It's bad form.

David Mason said...

I enjoy your comments but youre fairly bossy and think I should behave how YOU want, its totalitarianism.

Jay said...

If you hate Butt, avoid Pinups. It's the same bullshit, and I'm into fat guys with beards and still feel that it sucks. The real ones as opposed to the cunts in suspenders with the arrogant air about them. Ugh.

By the way, was the club you were talking about Machine?

Anonymous said...

Are you OK?? You don't sound it...

rashasha said...

*sigh* your thoughts are so dreamy to read, David.

Thanks for sharing!

(And good work cutting down that Qontrol Queen that posted anonymously way down below!)

Anonymous said...

You hit the nail right on the head about beards, Butt, art bears, and the whole mess of urban graphic design scenesters seeking acceptance and self-validation through faux irony and copycat individualism.

David Mason said...

Copycat individualism is THE term!!!!

Anonymous said...

UGH I HATE it when anyone talks about using "real people" as models. EVERYONE is a REAL PERSON and if you think someone is beautiful you don't have to apologize for it by calling them 'real'. I'm all for diversity and I don't think someone has to have a certain body fat percentage or height to be beautiful. But when 'real people' start talking shit about skinny, tall, beautiful models, it's just as insulting and hateful as saying that everyone over a size zero is a lazy fatass. If you're fat and ugly, you can still own it and be confident and fierce without trampling on everyone elses ideals.

Anonymous said...

hahah I can't get over this. I feel divided because I do like some of the stuff they do. I'm not a fan of everyhing pinups/butt magazine, but I like these guys:
http://www.pinupsmag.com/issue5detail4.htm
Like I said before, I find all kinds of people attractive. I just HATE it when people get preachy and act like they are more 'real' than someone else. The reality is that if you have to put other people down to feel right about yourself, you haven't really accepted your physical appearance and you aren't really happy with yourself. I like genuinely confident people who can like themselves without having to worry about what everyone else likes.

fang said...

lol - Jay, just calling a club 'Machine' makes it sound pretty cunty anyway!

Mathieu said...

I'm from somewhere else so I don't really know what a pinup is but I've read BUTT magazine once it was foul.

Anyway I'm glad beards are on the way out of 'fashionable' even though I think they're SEXY. Mine is patchy so I never had one but at least now I won't feel left out!!!

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