Thursday, December 3, 2009

You dumb cunt.


Now I guess IM the dumb cunt for not CLEARING A WIDE ENOUGH PATH for the PUERTO RICAN COW that cable vision sent over yesterday, because they neglected to do the job right the first time, so I shouldnt be that upset when I see the large antique mirror that I bought from MANTIQUES MODERN, which is NYCs' answer to L.As Blacmon Cruz ( which I like more), for a large sum of money CRASHING TO THE FLOOR because he BACKED HIS FAT ASS INTO IT but I cant help but be a little peeved and imagine the knife that I just happened to be holding in my hand sinking fast and deep in between his L5 and S1 VERTEBRAE.
When I called to report it they said he already reported and said I knocked it over while moving a lamp. LYING CUNT. Im actually glad he reported it though because thats the proof that HE actually did it because if I just broke it myself why would he be reporting it? I did plenty of stuff while he was here did he report everything I did, no, just the mirror that I decided to SMASH FOR DRAMATIC ANTICS while re-inacting my TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART ROUTINE.
One good thing did come out of it though he recognized the statue I had in my bedroom, which I had no idea that it was on the cover of the book "World of fighting dogs" which as a good New Yorican he OF COURSE knew that it was the statue on the cover of an OUT OF PRINT BOOK from decades ago about DOG FIGHTS... He also asked me how much it was worth and what I paid for it?! Which only makes me think "If I walk into my apartment one day and its broken into the first place Im telling the cops to go is Time Warner cable!"... Anyways, its funny to see that the guy was actually right, that IS the statue from the cover of the book and oddly enough I just painted my bed room "dangerous peacock" which is a very similar but darker version of the color on the cover of the book.
Its not so bad I guess, I already got the invoice from MANTIQUES MODERN for what I paid for it, and yes thats the REAL NAME of the store because they deal in DUDE antiques like giant chrome guns from battleships, and crocodile skulls and such, and Im fully ready to serve them my totally friendly, smiling, and understanding with TINY flashes of FRIGHTENINGLY COOL CUNTAGE and "dont fuck with me or i'll come for you and already have the papers to prove it" attitude. It works really well in my eyes. Just being angry gets you almost nowhere and just being friendly gets you a little more BUT combining friendly with the potential for being venomous works the best I think because then people want to help you and know if they dont theyre gonna upset the nice large person who then has the right and potential to be awful. I try and learn from nature and just be like a POISON ARROW FROG, totally gentle and colorful and cute and minding its own business but if you come for me you DROP DEAD.

10 comments:

brando said...

So are those tricks gonna pay for your mirror?

youreviltwin said...

"...combining friendly with the potential for being venomous works the best..."

you are, of course, EXACTLY right. I like to be sweet and nice unless somebody starts to tell me no, and then i let it visibly crack just a skosh, just a LITTLE icy "I'LL FUCKING CUT YOU" before bringing the nice back. word, david mason. word.

David Mason said...

They better, theyre coming to check it out Friday.

David Mason said...

They better, theyre coming to check it out Friday.

Joel said...

When the cable guy (very cute) was here last week to install the HD DVR, I actually stood over him the whole time holding onto the baker's rack next to the video array in order to prevent 20K of Clarice Cliff hitting the tile if his big (very cute) ass should back into it. It's too much trouble to childproof the apartment every time a service person comes.

nsfw said...

Dangerous Peacock ...you are such the hottest guy in New York right now!

fairviewsue said...

You're scary when you are angry. :(

Sorry that the big mean guy broke your shit and blamed you.

Dayglo said...

Deja vu! Dumbass woman from the phone company managed to knock over a giant floor-to-ceiling mirror all over my living room floor. She didn't blink an eye ... just walked out. I got my revenge, though. I spent the next few weeks glueing thousands of shards of glass back inside the frame and now it's a fucking Damien Hirst, refracting light all over the place. Think about it.

Lucien said...

Dave - maybe you can claim it n your homeowner's insurance too. If you have the receipt present that to them and simply tell the cable people replace it or plan to pay about three times the amount in legal fees. but do it all looking pretty and well coiffed and looking "VERY LITIGIOUS"

fang said...

damned fucking right they better!

man, i'm your friend and reading that even got ME fucking angry!

GRRRRRRRR! *bears fangs*