Monday, January 4, 2010

I did it for YOU people of retail and the service industry!!



Any of you who have worked retail or the service industry know there is a very specific type of patron who SUCKS. You see them coming from a mile away and they actually have no interest in the product but are more interested in in being a SPECIAL NEEDS PATIENT, they want to USE YOU as an outlet for their FREE FLOATING RAGE and NEEDINESS. They ask for a "fresh one from the back", or order the soup when their only intention is to send it back ( I dated an asshole who did this EVERY TIME we went out to eat and then acted shocked when I clocked him on it, as if he was unaware of his asshole behavior) or this or that when they really could CARE LESS and just have to feel SPECIAL because they are TERMINALLY UNIQUE. These people LOVE a corporation because they know they can be a TOTAL DOUCHE to you and take out their UNMITIGATED RAGE on you because they cant on their boss or husband or mother or whoever, so they PRETEND theyre interested in your bag, or dinner, or hotel room only to outlet their BAD JUJU on you! Any of you who have worked in retail know this asshole all to well and there is nothing you can do about it because corporate will never back you up and you have to sit there and take it because of the shitty truth that you actually NEED the job and as much as youd like to tell them that "Your spouse left you because youre a horrible person" you cant and you smile and do what they say just to get them out of your face and dream about the HAPPY HOUR COCKTAIL your gonna have to SWALLOW because these people are so HARD TO SWALLOW and have been dealing with them treating you like crap all day and you wonder why life sucks so much! WELL I sacrificed a little over a hundred dollars for YOU today and taught and asshole customer a lesson!
This WITLESS TWAT ordered something from us almost at midnight on NEW YEARS EVE then writes me this CUNTING EMAIL that he is wondering why he has not received his order on JANUARY 2?!?! We sent him an order confirmation immediately even. He actually thinks Slick It Up is some kind of corporation where if you behave like a CUNT and treat the help poorly youre going to have some NERVOUS MANAGER rush over to smooth things over.... WRONG... Ive said this once and I say it again "DO NOT COME FOR ME QUEEN!" I admit it, I do delight in sharpening my claws on douchebags which does mean I also have a TOUCH of free floating rage ( but at least im aware and trying to deal with it:) ) but I also enjoy making people happy and I and VERY THANKFUL for EVERY SALE and I even personally handwrite a THANK YOU card to each person who orders because I truly am grateful for their patronage and I honestly enjoy making people happy and fulfilling their FETISCHE DREEMZ so when some UPPITY QUEEN comes for me like this I just cant let it slide. I do not NEED your 100 dollars, and to be honest if it was like 400$ Id probably keep my mouth shut, but for 100 I'm willng to bite the sale but NOT my TONGUE. After writing the calmly cunting response to his ridiculous letter I sent it to my sister who unfortunately has to work in "high-end retail" and cannot say what she would like to these twits and she called me back to THANK ME because its something she can only dream off and hopefully he'll learn his lesson and GAG ON IT and not think that being a TWAT TO THE HELP is gonna get him somewhere.
The letter is below, first is his letter and below is my response.

i placed an order december 29th. it is now jan 2 and i have received no response or no merchandise. what is going on? you have no phone number and no one seems to care about getting back to a customer. I have just about had it with this company. send me my order inmmediately that has been charged to my credit card and I will use another company moving forward.
please provide me with some answers.
thanks,


Im sorry we didnt get back to you sooner as you placed the order almost midnight on Thursday and there was this holiday called New Years and then something called the weekend. Im happy to take time out of my dinner to tell you on a Sunday evening, because you seem to be upset, that I have cancelled and will refund your order considering that the tone of your letter and the fact that you dont seem to be aware that it is a holiday and a weekend that Im forced to imagine that youre the kind of person that isnt going to made happy by our products, or anything for that matter.
Have a good evening, please never order from us again.


I thought its was calmly cunting and a legitimate response to some shitty faggots unmitigated rage. Shes probably as been drunk since she ordered, or since 1982...

25 comments:

witomski said...

Dave...Go get 'em Tiger! Before my division collapsed, I used to work in high end kitchen & bath installations for a large national company. I can't tell you how many NOUVEAU RICHE CUNTS I had to deal with. The assholes knew if they made enough noise (and you're right, you can see them a mile away) I would have to lick their fuckin pussies hard and toss, at times, thousands of dollars because they were simply unreasonable cunts. Thank god you own your own business and you did the deed that so many of us wish we could have. You are our hero!....Joe

Anonymous said...

"I will use another company moving forward"
yeah...right...where will you go to "moving forward"? armani?
you should have got $100 in pennys and threw it at him like a gypsy!

Joel said...

This made my day.I'm in "hospitality". However my customers are "customers" are live in residents in a retirement community. They are here every day, and the truly cunty ones are too mean to die.

Murray said...

and THAT is why I love you!

Anonymous said...

Way to go!

T.E.W. said...

You made my day with that. Well said that is for sure.

Anonymous said...

I sent this to a friend of mine who's worked for years in a music store where he deals constantly with crazy people....

im'mature said...

You, sir, are amazing - definitely with your sister on this one.

Anonymous said...

LOL I love you for that dude!

I actually worked management in retail for a couple of years and had to deal with a shitload of asshholes like that on a daily basis...although i did get semi cunty with a few of them i wish i coulda just kicked them the fuck out of the store! lol

JiffyJim said...

I totally love & appreciate this (yeah, I'm in retail, too). The fact that he thinks he'll find "another company" makes me laugh, too, as your line of fetish is specialized in its design and material. I really do think the holidays do bring out the best and WORST in people. Your reply is priceless in that its tone is pitch perfect in being cool yet simmering at the same time.

Anonymous said...

LOL...BRILLIANT!

-G

Anonymous said...

I am in the receiving department of where I work and nobody was delivering on January first. It made for a looong day.

When I am on the floor I have been asked by customers point blank. "Well why do you work here if you can't answer my question?" My answer: "Because I don't work this department." This after they usually walk past the people that work the department to get to me.

M said...

The 29th was TUESDAY .... but still he should not be panicking by the 2nd.

jerek said...

Awesome, thank you. I only wish you would have thrown in a "On behalf of the other people someone like you inevitably bother in retail and restaurants on any given day, stay at home. They don't want your business either, they are just faking it."

Anonymous said...

and am sure that cunty customer actually came/cum while reading your response. stick it him!!! or mason it him!!!

brando said...

Please post his response if he writes on back! I'm sure that would be priceless!

Anonymous said...

Loved it...
I think I'll start to hone my "calmly cunting."
~N

DKP said...

Fucking awesome! I've worked in retail and know EXACTLY the kind of customer you're talking about. Oh GOD you're earning extra brownie points in heaven for that one :)

Altair said...

THANK YOU for your awesome-ness!!!

LUCIEN said...

I actually have had Immaculate fast and wonderful service from SIU and yes Dave does write a personla note in each and every time one. ANd in every case I got mine sooner than I ever anticipated.

I don't have to face the general public like this and am grateful for it every day - because I got my immersion in it when I had a partner that was EXACTLY what you said noting ordered was ever good enough , hotel rooms of perfection always got a snotty remark to the staff by him and he managed to RUIN every vacation by throwing a hissy fit. I was so young and stupidly in love I thought it was just being manly and a perfectionist - until it got old having to grin and bear the humiliation of it in public. I realized it is such a coward to snarl at service providers who cannot stand up and answer back due to the job constraints . its weak for a man to do this.

I think DAVE has hit the right tone here and I say bravo to bringing this type of behavior to a halt in one instance ! bravo my brave Gallahad warrior of retail

James said...

Well said! You show that hot cunting wreck who's in charge!

swine said...

Ur rage is kinda showing thru in ur response & it makes it seem kinda petty. I've been in sales for a while & I have a barrier -- more like a shield -- to assholes like this one. The annoyance/sting of their nasty comments slide right offa me. I just stay unemotional & keep my anger in check when dealing w/fools like this. I think it's best to respond to facts only (like reminding him it was a holiday/weekend). It's good ur in a position u can refuse his business, but hopefully ur anger issues won't jeopardize ur business' reputation.

Sanch said...

What I want to know is: what did he order?

It's so true, he was thinking there was no way in hell anyone could push back at his unreasonableness, like this is Macy's or something. I do also think you gave him a free dom sesssion.

FLS said...

I love it! I heard Marshall's and TJ Maxx were having some January sales at the Pervertion Department next to "Floggers, Plugs and Beyond" here in DC. Maybe I should consider that myself instead of ordering from SIU... LOL!

Send the bastard a pink thong made with toilet paper (recycled please).

gavin said...

LOL "Shitty Faggot" ... How Sophia LaMar of you!