Friday, February 26, 2010

I understand why people believe conspiracy theories because....


I REFUSE TO STOP checking youtube, and blogging about, that Sean Young on Joan Rivers clips when she has the insane lapse of reason and dresses up like a SEMI HOME MADE cat woman and smack talks Tim Burton and JUST NOW I looked for the footage of Calvin Klein when she also went MAD and walked onto the court during a Knicks game and tried to give tips to SHAQ about how to play basketball, DURING THE GAME?! NEITHER are to be found?!?!?! Its as though they never happened but I KNOW IM NOT CRAZY and I have seen both of them with my own eyes! I promise Im not the crazy one?!!! The State of New York even had to make a LAW about Calvins Kookery. YES, there is a fucking LAW ON THE BOOKS strictly because of CALVIN KLEINS BEHAVIOR?! Speaking of the madness of CK did you ever hear the story about the escort walking into his place and hes on a table being fisted with his face over a plate of coke and the escort gets to him and the first thing Calvin says is "Is it in" and the other escorts fist had LONG SINCE been PUMPING AWAY... I dunno if its true, just saying its one of those "My friends friend who is an escort said..." which Im sure is just cooked up by a bored escort who wants to make the BORING and LOW PAYING job of HIGH END HOOKING interesting, but still, Id bet five bucks its true and a thousand that its halfway true...





UPDATE: OMG Thanks to the Mysterious reader M we have PARTIAL PROOF that Im not crazy, its not the entire thing or the audio but it show that at least at one point Sean and Joan were in the same room in home made cat woman costumes...
She apparently had the role of Vickie Vale in the original Batman but then fell off a horse and broke her leg so she couldnt do it, then wanted the Catwoman role and hid in Tim Burtons office and popped out from under the desk in this costume to which he had to call SECURITY! It makes me REALLY love Sean young but REALLY not want to be in the same small room with her. She woulda made a great Vickie Vale though for sure and would have fit the casting of that movie so much better BUT if they didnt have Kim Basinger you couldnt have had the Kim robot lady tube dress automoton scene from the BATDANCE video which RULED but you cant embed it because Prince doesnt allow his vids on youtube BUT and its a BIG BUT, I DO have this KNOCK OFF production that ALMOST as good, and even in this shortened version they at least have the ENTIRE Vivkie Vale tube dress automoton scene which I LOVED!!!
Why is this all such an obsession for me???? I think I know why. I think Sean SCARED ME, so I had to LOVE IT as a DEFENSE MECHANISM so I could no longer be FRIGHTENED BY IT!!

Did I ever mention how I once bet my best friend Becky that I could MOVE EVERY POSSIBLE MUSCLE in my body to the crazy intense EXTENDED Hi-N-R-G ending to this song which is WAY LONGER then you think, and NOT in this performance, but I DID IT, in her PINTO and if you have ever tried to consciously move every single muscle in your body its WAY HARD, Im talking eye lids, jaw, fingers, toes, limbs, fore head ALL OF IT and ALL AT ONCE, I basically had a 2 minute SEIZURE in her car as she SAT THERE SILENTLY WATCHING and held me to my bet! I was so nauseous afterward I couldnt even eat the WATTAMELON ROLL I planned on having as this performance took place in the parking lot of Friendlys.... You would think this kind of performance would take place AFTER ingesting a slice of SHERBET MADE TO LOOK LIKE WATERMELON but not me... I did it DRUG FREE!

13 comments:

youreviltwin said...

haven't we conspired to find those clips before?

The sean young ones, not the CK ones...

seriously, i remember the SY ones. i was at home in fucking Harleysville, Pennsylvania on a snow day and joan had sean on and she was talking mad smack. she was all like "youuuu, tim burrrrton, have ensued the wrath of sean young, meeeeeeowwwwww!" and it was fierce.

youreviltwin said...

and she was like "sean young, the only TRRRRRRUUUUUUE CATWOMAN, MEOWWWWW!"

David Mason said...

Yes and yes! and she was all " Whats a matter TIMMY... Cat got your tongue?!" ... It was so good. it was like finally for one moment in time REALITY was on tv, one fleeting moment. CHAOS broke through the airwaves and everything was upside down. i have NEVER seen anything like it again. I wonder if it was a dream.

youreviltwin said...

no, it was TOTALLY REAL- do you remember how joan was wearing a '60's style catwoman eyethingies, too? and sean and her were both MEOWING AT THE CAMERA AT THE SAME TIME?!?!? holy crap, i'm so lucky i caught that. it's like the CIA's been covering it up ever since. SOMEtimes E! will mention it BRIEFLY in some GREATEST TV MELTDOWNS special, but STILL the clips NEVER show up online! CONSPIRACY! CONSPIRACY!!!!

Anonymous said...

i thought you made money when you were prostituting. I guess u tried to move on to sugar daddies, but judging from being outpriced of the village, i guess that didn't work out.

David Mason said...

Dear person who is clearly in love with me and cant handle it so you have to hate on my blog daily. There are plenty of things in this world that Im not interested in and because of this I dont go on blogs about them. Yet you MUST not only read my blog but also make yourself noticed but do it ANONYMOUSLY because even you know youre wrong and negative and bitter.
Learn how to have a healthy relationship with people because clearly you dont know how to yet you PINE to be noticed so instead of having something clever to say your insecurities and jealousy take over so you just bitch...I feel embarrassed and sad for you but LUCKY YOU that means I have a FEELING towards you!! It doesnt matter that its similar to the feeling I get seeing a girl throw up on the street in a heels and a skirt.
Hurray for you!, you got NOTICED!!! Who knew such DEEP and SATIATING JOY could come from your negativity!?! You must feel wonderful! I bet if you do it MORE AND MORE you will become happier and happier! and maybe one day stop drinking or doing what ever vice it is to salve your inner rage and jealousy!?! Its a GREAT day for you!
You really have made progress, go look in the mirror and instead of crying pat yourself on the back.

youreviltwin said...

holy scathing retort, batman!

THAT is what i should have said to my exboyfriend last week.

nsfw said...

one look at Calvin and you know it's all true.

Anonymous said...

tell us some stories of your escorting days, i bet u had some wild times!

Randsome7 said...

Like Calvin - outrageous stuff : I thought I saw and heard on a blog once that Bodybuilder FRANK SEPE was brought in on the shoulders of some waiters trussed naked and served up on a big silver platter for a buffet style orgy of some fabulously rich dudes Super Club in NYC once

LUCIEN said...

Dave - Hurrah for you - You react like psychologist -with tack and detachment
I think I might need some professional talk time on the HOV couch to have you tell me how you divert anger so well - is the Dr in for appointments ?

M. said...

Darling David-

Here's the link to the Sean Young video (strangely no audio though) - http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=2935708704513327697#

Also, here's a link to a NY Times article discussing CK's decision to address his substance abuse issues in light of his disorderly conduct at the Knicks game:

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/04/05/business/calvin-klein-is-seeking-treatment-for-substance-abuse.html?pagewanted=1

See baby, you ain't crazy after all. LURV the blog, Dave. Nice to see that a fellow batshit crazy fag from Upstate New York has such fine taste.

David Mason said...

Thank you so much M.!!!!!!!