Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Gurl... Stop the TRYORY?!!...There are certain things you just cant SAY

I just sat here and caught up with Rupauls drag race for three hours on the computer. I cannot believe I seriously sat at my desk and watched THREE HOURS of it... Now Im going to bed.
BUT and its a BIG BUTT... The Absolut Vodka ads they have spliced between scenes are killing me. They are ads hosted by different members of the cast of last years show. The winner of last years season Bebe Zahara Benet is MENTALLY ILL if she thinks we can look at her face when she says "I was a MALE MODEL in PARIS" and not think to ourselves "Oh crazy third world lady thinks because shes got a SEMI French accent shes gonna pull a stunt on me?!"
Lady, Theres another place that has a French accent too thats really fierce...... Its called HAITI?!, and I dunno if CAMEROON is exactly a STEP UP from it, so STOP TRYIN' IT?! You cannot TELL ME you were a MALE MODEL. Its something that cannot be TOLD, its something that is LITERALLY AS PLAIN AS THE NOSE (but not YOURS) ON YOUR FACE! Its like you cant say youre FUNNY, or GOOD LOOKING, or have GOOD TASTE because its an opinion but the difference here is that it is not something that is your OPINION it is a FACT.. Just because they speak french in CAMEROON it doesnt make it PARIS ok?!
It makes me NUTZ when reality tv people say theyre a model, and they ALWAYS do... ugh.....its a pet peeve for me.
Oh and strutting around for your mother with a SAUCE PAN ON YOUR HEAD and accessorizing with a WOODEN SPOON, and doing WIG shows when youre still small enough to fit in the BROILER of your families STOVE does not make one a MODEL EITHER...BELIEVE ME IVE TRIED!!!?!!
You cannot say "Im a model" when Im looking at your face and body and not SEEING anything even close to a model. You may as well tell me youre a MAGIC WITCH because at least then I will be so weirded out by your very clear NON SANITY that id HAVE to know more about you and POTENTIALLY Id give you a dollar, but saying youre a MODEL?!? Um no..... Dare to DREAM lady, but dont LIE. Its creeping me out. If she just said "Im a tranny from Cameroon...imagine what thats like?!" I would actually be interested in her, but of course like EVERYONE she thinks the grass is always greener on the other side and that her own story isnt interesting so she makes up a "fancy" history when the real one was actually interesting and doesnt sound the "tryory alarm".


raul1188 said...

if you watch the whole commercial

it says that the first time bebe did drag was to fill in for a model that didn't show up.

i dunno, i'm really partial to bebe just cause i think she's super sweet and nice. she totally deserved it.

MikeyG said...

hahaha!! gurl, I caught that Bebe advert tonight too - and guess what? It creeped me out too! Ongina's, on the other hand...

gavin said...

Well, I can't find any photos of Bebe Zahara's "male modeling" on the web, so maybe Dave is right, she is lying LOL

krunk1980 said...

How many people have told you they were a MAGIC(K) WITCH since you wrote that? I hope I'm the first. Gotta run I'm cookin' a lil summin' in the cauldron. Bubble bubble toil and trouble guh!

matthew said...


Thank you for calling this bitch out. You left out the rest of this STANK LIE when Bebe says "...wearing pinstripes and SWEATERS..." I don't care what kind of Clifford Huxtable pudding pop sweater Miss Model was wearing, but it wasn't in Paris. How can you ignore Shannel's ad where she's rambling about rabbits and showing off her shitty skin looking like some kinda Lisa Marie Presley eats Divine $5 handjob tranny MESS? And Miss Nina Flowers is serving alien housewife REALness.

I'm loving the new season. High drama. I'll take Raven for the win with Tati (yuck) and Juju in the top 3 (if she can pull her SHIT together.) Don't even get me started on Tyra Rusty Sanchez and her tired Beyonce worship.

One of your best posts yet; really funny and insightful.


Anonymous said...

Oh Dave, I seriously love you - this post/rant made me laugh out loud at the images and truth. When is your book coming out? You must write one!

Mr R said...

I never comment , just read and enjoy, but i feel where you´re coming from , I live in venezuela and you have ugly ass closeted gays here in venezuela calling themselves models even creating fan pages for themselves on fbook . Nice article , dont change !

Kurt Walters said...

So, what if I weren't a Magick Witch, maybe I'm just this Grizzled Hag that may have done some really earnest thinking about modeling and happens to have a broom laying around which once in the while whisks me off to CVS or Jo-Ann Fabrics.. and I mopped some really hot Italian pin stripe, and thought how cool it would be if I could conjure up a look with those sweaters in that pile over there.... and suddenly there I was in a cheesy vodka ad!

Yeah, n what's with Shannel? All's I can think of during her diatribe is craft class..

Ok kids here's what you'll need; One Basket Ball, some Grout, a Trowel, Sandpaper, Spray Glue, an Orange Peel, 2 used Tea Bags, Italian Style Breadcrumbs, Dried Flowers, Glitter, and a lot of nerve.

She actually says I USED to be the fat shy kid?! Well I'm guessing she's not shy anymore..

David Mason said...

Im so glad you guys are appreciative of this little piece because when I wrote it I thought " am I just being mean" but then I thought,"No Im NOT being me shes lying to my FACE, shes the mean one?!"

Subject said...

Bebe is sweet and talented, and she did turn it out during the lipsync for your lives. Although Nina Flowers still should have won.

Obviously Bebe's exaggerating or fantasizing or just flat-out lying, but is it a big deal? I mean, it's all part of the game, isn't it? I mean, she's a drag queen for fuck's sake, not the CEO of Enron. We don't turn to drag queens for reality. Certainly it makes for a better story than Shannel's debate class ramble.

David Mason said...

This is true, it is a more interesting story?!!! but maybe absolute should have spent more the seven dollars on the ads and hired a writer and someone who knows how to use a SOFT BOX