Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Im proud of myself.


After a late workout tonight I was taking the subway home. The subway car was about half full. I sit down next to a 13 year old african american kid with BLUE contacts in, we'll call him EVA...whatEVA EVA?! So everyone is sitting there in silence in our little half of the train its me, EVA - whos too young to be out but probably gonna be gay but is tryin to be THUG now, his two friends across from us who are about 16 and a boy/girl couple, some MAYBE gay peruvian looking guy in a tailored suit with a lazy eye and headphones right next to me and two twenty something african american girls who are upwardly mobile across and to the left next to the lovebirds.
We are all sitting there in total silence. Out of nowhere the 16 year old yells to EVA "FAGGOT", like its fine. I HATE this shit, it makes me IN 2 the mother fuckin SANE!?! So I give the guy the WTF gesture and point to myself and he and his friend immediately say "Oh no not you!" thinking I think he just called ME a faggot and that Im going to stomp his face into puddin'. To which I just calmly and genuinely replied "No, Im gay and thats not cool." YOU COULD HAVE HEARD A PIN DROP... The kid is sorta shocked but genuinely apologizes and says "Oh Im sorry." Eva looks over at me like " OMG IM SITTING NEXT TO A GIANT GAY WHO IS GONNA EAT ME" The subway car is SILENT but the two girls across and to the side have an "OMG what do we do look on their face" and the one says to the other one "Oh somebody is about to get thrown down?!" The maybe Peruvian sits there right next to me and pretends his earphones are going though I didnt hear anything... We all just sit there in awkward silence for about 2 minutes. The kid who said faggot just puts his head down and starts playing video games on his phone and I sat there HAPPY AS A CLAM, not giving any kind of expression which is HARD, because I also wanted to immediately retreat into my phone but I wasnt going to. I was gonna sit there and act like nothing was up and was perfectly calm yet watch and see how everyone else handled it, no aggression.... nothing. It was sorta AWESOME. Outing yourself to aggressive strangers on a train is kinda scary, its also BIZARRE because you see that nobody thinks youre as gay as WE DO or at least I DO. I always assume that everyone knows im gay and everyone hates me for it. Then you realize STRAIGHT PEOPLE DONT KNOW SHIT unless its OBVIOUS. The feelings they had were very different then I anticipated. I forget that im not a UNICORN on the OUTSIDE and that fortunately I can get away with confronting someone because im LARGE which is sorta one of the reasons why I am because I dont wanna be pushed around... I guess muscle kinda works,which is nice to know. The other thing is though that when somone says faggot aggressively theyre NEVER alone. Its always in a group or a car where they can safely project their rage and frustration which SUCKS because youre helpless and it really feels victimizing, but at least now I can feel like one on one people would apologize.
This was a great experience for me. It was a great lesson for EVERYONE. I learned that you dont need to be aggressive ALWAYS or worry about it happening so much and that Im not someone people are LOOKING OUT FOR TO ATTACK, and they also learned several lessons I'd like to think. It was sort of a fierce experience and one I ALWAYS dread because the fact is youre ALWAYS gonna experience it at some point in youre life, OVER AND OVER even being a gay dude. I just had to learn, its not so awful and neither were they. I feel like a weight has been lifted sort of.. ugh so nice?!

20 comments:

Whitney Ray said...

wow dude, such a positive and measured response. you've come a long way since the cab driver incident. kudos for standing up for yourself like a classy lady.

The Notorious Imp said...

Right on! I love that your fierce inner-unicorn was smart, strong and reserved while being offended and you managed to make those kids rethink their stereotyping, judgments and slurs, maybe.
If you ever do have to smack 'em down then I truly hope you tear off your clothes to reveal the glitter talking spandex clad unicorn that you are afterwards to remind them that they got a beat down from a fierce and magical creature!
But always use your words first. Even if you do spit purses at em.

David Mason said...

Well the taxi driver HAD IT COMIN. Its one thing to yell faggot at your friend and not know theres a big one sitting across from you and its another to try and steal my money then deliberately yell faggot as you pull away in your car... Id still handle the taxi driver the same way, I'd just get to him faster! It was all legal after all I never touched him, but he did run a couple red lights. I honestly feel that fucker will never call someone faggot again.

David Mason said...

but I guess I have to learn its not my job to bend every hater to my will, I should just do it when I WANT to. I dont have to "give it" to him , if a person is yelling hate at someone theyll already had it stuck to em before... Ill just take care of it when its "sporting" or "gentlemanly"

Whitney Ray said...

hey, i didn't mean to imply that the cab driver didn't deserve what he got. i just mean that it was impressive that you handled things with restraint. it is one thing to be feared and hated. it is another thing to be not just feared but respected.

David Mason said...

Gurl What are you doing up at 4:40?!

Erik said...

I wish I could have seen Eva´s face with the "giant gay" next to him :)

Eric Arvin said...

Good for you! I'm impressed.

fairviewsue said...

See, this is where I am jealous of your size! I could never, ever even contemplate doing that on a subway. But you ARE huge and you it is wonderful that you are learning that you CAN! See, and nobody [well straights that is] knows that you are gay unless you hit them over the head with it so you could look at it like a stealth weapon. That is why all the gals are coming on to you in bars. LOL! When you realize the fullness of your powers, who knows what you will become? Anything is possible!

Aaron said...

good for you hon, but you ARE a unicorn on the outside, those muggles just cant see it.

jerek said...

Awesome post. My BF and I were recently involved in an attempted robbery where 5 guys told us they hated nothing more than a couple of faggots and tried to take my phone and bag. Unfortuneately for them they picked two fags who fight back and we fought back long enough to allow the police time to get there. They are now charged with felony robbery. We got some black eyes (sexy) and awesome war stories, oh and the satisfaction of getting creeps put away...

Race said...

That was a pretty impressive scene. You being the larger, older, and imposing figure you are against the others. Size does matter sometimes (and it feels GOOD). You had the power. You took it. And you used it to teach someone something positive. Bravo!

Lucien said...

I am very proud of Dave showing us how to be a proud gay Man with CONFIDENCE,

Our Gay-Ghandi of the 21st century is born

RJ said...

David
Luv readin' all your stuff, but gotta let you know that the black backrgound and the white text makes it really hard on the eyes for the long posts. Just thought I should let you know. All the best an' a Happy ol' Easter

Kseven said...

Straight or gay no dude especially in NYC can resist a 10" fat dong on a stud.

No one

kristofer said...

Loved this story - wish I could have witnessed that!

Joey said...

Nobody more homophobic than NYC African-Americans, especially on the subway! My many late-nite A-Train rides have taught me well.

FLS said...

Surprisingly enough, my partner and I recently bought a house in North East DC, a very well known African-American area in DC. Not only we are seeing more and more gay couples moving to the area, but we have seen many trannies walking around and yelling out their fabulocity for every one to hear and it seems to be perfectly fine for the neighbors. Something else I have observed though is that there are no church buildings around this area... Dave, thanks for this posting. You made me feel proud because we cannot stay silent at this matters anymore.

Joey said...

That's good, FLS, and good that you bought a house! But I don't know how much churches have to do with it. The group I fought off on the subway were gangsta rappers, not church people. (But I guess that subject is always up for debate).

Aeonfloox said...

Very cool, and very very positive example, but don't ever get too over-confident: I'm a police officer and work with thugs. Some of them carry knives. You would be absolutely astonished how easy is to stab someone in a matter of a fraction of seconds as a response to the most insignificant of assertions.