Sunday, March 28, 2010

O-M-GAG.... LITERALLY?!?!?!



Ok So I havent had sex since the 12 of February so I have been REALLY HORNY lately. SO, When the only dude that I have been fucking lately, like once a month for the past 6 months, tells me hes back in town and wants some MUSCLE PUSSY. I am as RIPE and READY as an ABSOLUT RAZZ-BERRY (Youre welcome RU) to be PLUCKED. So he, a brazilian top much smaller in size then me but he has a GREAT attitude and is GREAT in bed and has a VERY SEXY DONG, tells me he wants the same scenario as ALWAYS I am SO ready for it. The scenario is as follows and has NEVER strayed. He wants to walk in, and Im in a HOOD and a POSTURE COLLAR and a THONG waiting under my RIMSEAT, a gift from Fort Troff, and he comes in, gets rimmed, then gets hard and wants to get sucked off then wants to fuck me like a STALLION and its just pretty AWESOME and I and THANKFUL for it! Hes VERY into being safe which I LOVE but is SLEAZY and DELIVERS top fetish realness and is a TOP OF THE LINE TOP. I can find NO FAULT in his topping abilities. He delivers that great combination of calling you a TOTAL FAGGOT WHORE whilst simultaneously letting you know that you are the HOTTEST thing hes ever fucked and he could not be more HAPPY and OMG you are GOOD at what you DO?! Its really important to get a PAT ON THE BACK as much as it is to get a SMACK ON THE ASS, the balance is crucial. He tells me that im the biggest muscle faggot ever but then says im also a hot masculine dude and that he loves the combination and the little tiny heart I have glows for a SECOND.... and then like a praying mantis I EAT HIM!
Anyways so he texts me and tells me hes almost here so I turn on the sex club music, Liza - just kidding.. whats amazing is I had to make that clear because I know some of you out there would BELIVE ME, I can get off on HUMILIATION AND DEGRADATION but LIZA playing during a sex scene is WAY TOO HARD CORE FOR ME?!, and he buzzes the door. I buzz him up stairs and SKEEDADDLE under the rim seat salivating for some Brazilian butt to eat... Im sitting there for longer then usual and finally I hear him knocking at the door.. UGH.. I sit a little while longer hoping he realizes the door is just jammed and just pushes it harder. Then he knocks AGAIN, Im like "UGH!" well what the hell am I gonna do now, because this man has never seen me STANDING mind you?! Hes never even seen my face, and doesnt want to, which I LOVE. Its what allows me to get into a scene like this because I could NOT do it if you had to look at me in the eyes, no way possible! So Im like well I guess I will just open the door a SMIDGE because I dont want to ruin the ILLUSION when I open the door and he sees a FETISH MOOSE staring DOWN at him which totally deflates his boner and his ego because tops are FRAGILE and have a hard time with this issue.
So I open the door a crack and walk about two steps away when I here him yell "UPS!?!!?!" WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????????????????????????????????????????????????
I FREEZE, suddenly my fetish scene is an I LOVE LUCY episode?! I am GAGGING - NO BALL REQUIRED?!
I immediately spin around and SLAM the door totally shut leaving the ups man STUNNED, thank god he did NOT push the door open he would have DIED.... DIED and then DIED?!!! Can you imagine?! It was a skinny straight african man... AAAHHHH?!! Thank god when that door was open for a second it was HALF AN INCH and he was looking at the package.. I LOCKED the door leaving the UPS man BEWILDERED and 30 seconds later the Brazilian buzzes the door...... The ups man just shoved the letter under the door and I ran and SLITHERED back under fetish tops rim seat and NOBODY KNEW.. except for me and YOU!!!
I hope my antics can make you happy!:) For real, sharing is kinda what life is about :)

10 comments:

Gregory said...

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok it is like midnight and everyone is asleep and I am trying to not laugh out loud but this is just too too too much!!!!! David you kill me, only you!

Whitney Ray said...

what. a. story. the universe is such a cockblocker sometimes - way to deflect and keep your scene alive!!!

youreviltwin said...

brazilian, huh?

BEST OF LUCK, david.

ps, antics is RIGHT... meu deus.

brando said...

After reading that.... My mouth is agape... as was yours I'm sure. That sounds like a story I would tell. Wow. Girl. When I see you for your birthday, remind me to tell you the story about the Japanese exchange student.

David Mason said...

Glad you guys can appreciate it :)

Erik said...

Sooner or later this is inevitably going to happen to me too - except that I might not realize it´s the UPS guy with a hood with no eyeholes...

Altair said...

OMGaaag is right! You cracked me the heeeelll up!

The Notorious Imp said...

High-sterical! Lucy that was the best esplanin you done in a long time! Your life should be a half hour fetish/comedy show! One day you'll regret having not let the UPS man in though. Just saying.

James said...

Girl I almost DIED reading this! You are too funny!

Brian Kenny said...

Murphy's law. the timing couldnt have been better!