Monday, March 15, 2010

SPLURGERY!


Splugery, a word that as far as I know my friend Duane just made up this morning for luxury cosmetic procedures, like teeth bleaching, bonding, facial fillers,acid peels, botox, lipo, hormones, etc are totally putting a dent in the luxury goods market I bet, because NOBODY I know is buying anything "fancy" anymore. Not only are fancy goods non attractive for the obvious reasons but people would just rather spend their money on "self improvements" then a pair of shoes. To me, when given the option, I cant even imagine why anyone would want labeled goods anymore, it just seems like a shitty replacement for what youd want some procedure to do. I have done one this year already, JUST did it actually, but I wont say what, youd never know though. Nobody besides me would notice, but im super happy about it. Its ridiculous I know, and if you dont want any HURRAY FOR YOU! I wish I could be in that mind set, BUT if you do want it GO FOR IT. If people say dont the odds are pretty good theyre just jealous, because if they were yer friend they'd most likely back you up or at least say "Damn Im jealous because I think I wanna get blah blah blah" or "You sooo dont need it" which is what I tell my kookoo friends when they want shit that doesnt even make sense, but to me what I got made sense and actually did make me happier?! I felt like I was looking like my DAD and I was NOT feeling that, its very Michael Jackson of me but I think BOTH of us had good reason to be GROSSED OUT by looking in the mirror and seeing our SEMI SHITTY FATHER.
Now mind you Im all for the stuff that is like walk in walk out, but the more extreme stuff you of course have to be more concerned about. Like I dunno how I feel about facial SURGERY, thats very different but also its not something Ive ever wanted so I dunno if I hated my nose or something I dunno why it would be so wrong to change it. I mean it is weird to me that nobody would think twice about fixing a tooth but if someone gets a crack in their face people freak out about repairing it...
I like to have Mrs Harts approach from HART TO HART about it... "Shes one lady who knows how to take of herself!" and YES I just likened myself not only to a lady but to STEPHANIE POWERS.. If youre gonna talk about vanity so candidly you better be prepared to be called a LADY so find a good one for this aspect of your "ego ideal" and own it... LADY.. I have to run.. I have a MURDER TO SOLVE!
ps I stole the Maleficent pic from "still life with monkey and cigarette" the link is in the side bar :)

9 comments:

Martha Stewart said...

Dear David,

I'm no grammarian, but shouldn't the word be "SpluRgery" since I assume it is a combination of the words splurge and surgery? Seems to be missing an "R."

On another note, I'm guessing your procedure was anal bleaching and I am all for it. I like my butt holes to be as shiny white as a Mormon family in a snow storm.

No "little brown rings" for me!

Sincerely,
Martha Stewart

Walt Cassidy said...

it was duane's word, chica.

I'm just sayin'... said...

I know what you did -- I could tell when I saw you yesterday. And YES it looks great. AND I AM going to confront you about it and when I do you better spill the beans, bitch:)

rashasha said...

I wanna go through a full-on "The Swan" or "Total Life Makeover" treatment, lipo, hair transplants, ear lobe reduction, ball lift, lipo, followed by trainers, nutritionist, tanning, spa, spa, spa, then a new wardrobe and "the big reveal" at a Glamour Shots party.

David Mason said...

Oh shit DOUBLE flub ups! I meant to put an R in but I thought Walt said it. I sometimes get confused by facebook :)
and whoever "Im just sayin'" is, is WRONG because I got it today! so HA!:) , you just THOUGHT I looked good, when it was little ol normal me! :) Im assuming Im just sayin is Russel or Troy but I dunno which one?!

Martha Stewart said...

Dear, dear David,

Far be it from me to ever correct someone, but "splurgery" is still misspelled in the body copy of your blog.

Did your recent procedure list misspelling as a potential side effect? Maybe Tonto should start proofing your text before your post.

It does give me the idea, however, that perhaps HOV should sponsor a Tranny Spelling Bee where rather than accuracy, most cre8tive spelling wins.

Sincerely,
Martha Stewart

Phillyguy said...

Well, since you were so anti Botox my guess is that you got the frown lines on your face filled with a derma filler. We'll see in your next product endorsement!! ;-P

Subject said...

If you're not ashamed of what you did, then why the coyness? Your readers turn to you for the unvarnished truth; for injecting a dose of reality into this crazy carousel of publicity and half-truths. If you're gonna talk about T and fetish and everything, why not talk about the stuff that's visible on your face.

Plus, I wanna know what procedures work and don't work for men. Help a fag out with a recommendation.

Gregory said...

I for one would love to know how well chemical peels work and if they help erase acne scars? Of course I am about to turn 40 this summer and STILL have acne (ugh!) so it is probably pointless right now to even think about it, but for future reference it would be nice to know!