Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Ok now im SCREWED and have to get married or something... UGH?! ... This dude just sent me a 27lb strawberry rhubarb pie?!.... He told me Id have one in the morning and I thought he was joking... OMG what do I do?! Thats like the most awesome present ever besides a giant gemstone...... Ugh... Now im fucked. I mean by PRINCIPLE alone thats god saying " Im giving you a man who sends you PIES... If you dont marry this dude Im gonna SMITE YOU and youll never have pie again and if you do its gonna taste like ASH." this is the way my brain works... Im not ready... I cant wait to have some of the pie though ... OMG IT LOOKS GOOD?! It has a crumble topping, ive never had rhubarb pie with crumble topping.....


Martha Stewart said...

Dear David,

The world can be a tricky place and I'm not sure your gift of pie can be so positively interpreted.

Much like Victorian flower language where phlox meant "sweet dreams" or the gay hanky codes where beige colored means rimmer, pies, too, can have deeper meaning.

As a member of the nightshade family, rhubarb is toxic and potentially deadly. Your suitor may be wishing you sweet dreams of the permanent kind. Please be careful that he is not an arch nemesis guised in superhero clothes. It has been tradition at MSLO to send rhubarb pie to employees of impending termination.

Now, if you'll excuse me I need to make a chocolate cream pie for that scat fiend Kelly Ripa.

Martha Stewart

David Mason said...

Pah hah

gavin said...

Quit tempting me to blow off my diet!

I'm trying to bring out some ab definition.

The last thing I need is "I can look like Dave Mason if I just devour 27 lbs of pie and pastries" floating around my head!

Sue said...

OMG! Unless this guy is totally fugly, you must begin the nuptials immediately! A 27 lb pie is serious business Dave! I AM IMPRESSED! Nobody has ever sent me anything like that ever! Even my mommy has not baked me a 27 lb pie; lesser pastries sure, but not a 27 lb pie!

CharlesSimonyi said...

You macabre nihilistic bitch.
Only you could look at such a boldly romantic and thoughtful gesture and make it into a murder plot.
That is why I dumped your ass in the first place despite the fact that it meant giving up sleeping on pristine ironed sheets and fresh toll house cookies.
You should be confined to a small kitchen with a ball gag. Come to thank of it I thank David has a ballgag...David do lend it to Martha!
PS-I'm so happily married to my culinary illiterate new wife.

Whitney Ray said...

Pie. When you care to send the very best.

Also, I love the metacomment evolution on here - a Charles SIMONYI comment alias now?
YBW, HOV troll brethren.