Thursday, August 12, 2010

Ok so I went to a CIRCUIT FESTIVAL... and got something out of it

Ok so after the public humiliation of feeling like OLIVE OYL cast in a Bel Ami porn at Madrid Pride I thought WHY NOT DO IT AGAIN and went to Barcelona?!
I decided to go to Barcelona Circuit Week, which is so big there they even have all the ads up in the airport when you land. ( My friend would like me to make it clear hes DELIBERATELY looking like a douchebag because its retarded but we all know kinda hot... dont miss the high tops btw.. Oh and Yes thats the guy from the Exterface Super Hero shoot for Slick It Up)
( Even when I dont even know it Im serving Helmut Newton Dominatrix realness.... I cant help it.. Im just drawn that way.)
Im gonna try and make this short and sweet. If youre not on steroids DONT GO. I felt like I was part of the DORK SQUAD being there and not being juiced out. Now MOST of me knows better and realizes I was FINE without it but when 80% of the people there are juiced out and pay you DUST if youre not equally or more juiced out then them its kind of hard to not feel WILDLY INSECURE. Now the funny thing is I KNOW that theyre ALL insecure in fact I know the more juiced out you are the more insecure you are but its still hard to believe this when thousands and thousands of guys are paraded in front of you and you know you know better but you cant help but feel gray and at best NORMAL.... GASP.. Now I performed an experiment this trip and I was very happy with the results. You see there was this REALLY BIG dude at the event, probably and inch or two bigger then me, juiced out, handsome, and on paper similar to me. He was walking around kinda ANGRY... but I knew better!!! I KNEW that being sorta like me he wasnt actually grumpy he was just scared, though youd never think it being he was giant and like 250 pounds of honky beef cake. So I decided that I was gonna be nice no matter what. He wasnt my type so I didnt really care if he wasnt into me, but I made sure I said "Hi" every time I saw him, and at first he was sorta BRISTLY, but in the name of SCIENCE I moved forward. Every time I saw the dude, which was a lot, at these things its all the same people, all the same music, and the same antics, every day. Its like what I imagine a gay cruise is like, so anyways... I keep saying hi even though hes not so nice because I have this hunch that the guy is just terrified LIKE EVERYONE ELSE so on the last day I say hi and he stops me and talks to me and was totally sweet and asks me to write him and I was TOTALLY HAPPY as my hypothesis was correct! Just because someone throws you shade it does NOT mean theyre SHADEY, or nasty, nor is it an AFFIRMATION OF YOUR PROJECTED INSECURITIES ( that one is HARD to believe but its true), in fact most likely it means theyre SCARED and WANT to be nice to you but think you dont like them!!!! So JUST SAY HI PEOPLE!!!
You learn a lot at these things. A good lesson as you learn is to be nice QUICK, after a pack of Brazilian hookers looks AWAY from you when you walk by and it just SUCKS. Suddenly youre on the playground jungle gym and your kermit sneakers are being made fun of...again... FUCK YOU LISA GIRARD YOU UGLY CUNT....anyways, its a HARD lesson but its a GOOD lesson. It was hard learned because in NYC I do ok for myself but this event is something else entirely, like the big guys from my gym there were NORMAL. I cant describe it but its not like the parties are fun, for me at least. Its TOO MUCH. Its actually HARD seeing so many hot guys its like instant insecurity serum! Theyre way too crowded, the music isnt so great, theres no room to dance, the people arent that friendly, everyone is on drugs so you cant really expect anything or even gauge the reasoning for their behavior so nothing seems genuine, the guys are so hot they may as well be on a movie screen because there is ZERO interaction between you and youre looking at them but they arent looking at you, BUT there is something fun about it believe it or not, something you would NEVER expect.
After the whole ordeal is through, and believe me its an ORDEAL, there is this feeling of SURVIVING something. Like you honestly feel like you have bonded with your friends just because youre ALIVE. I know it sounds crazy but I left Spain seriously missing my friends there and feeling like I went through something with them that was traumatic and that they HELPED ME THROUGH IT. It was not something I expected at all, and I dont know if Ive ever even felt it. I didnt feel cool, I didnt feel sexy, but I did feel LOVED..almost... or something, I felt like these dudes that a barely knew but were friends with stuck with me and we looked out for one another and we bonded.. it was WEIRD?!?! Im not sure if I ever felt that before. Its not like I laughed non stop, or I was super cool or "better" then anyone, I didnt even get half the stuff they were talking about as one was from Spain and the other was from Dubai/ Lebanon, yet there was this sorta cool feeling that we all looked after one another and I have to say it was really nice and sorta touching... I felt good in a new kind of way as usually the joy I get comes from some kind of validation, but I really wasnt getting any from the party, its like I got something else, something very hard to describe but I felt wanted, or something, in a genuine way, not for my humor or looks or something. I honestly dont know what it was, or why they iked me but they did and it was nice and Im not going to question it.
Now Im NOT saying circuit parties are cool, im not. I think theyre sorta mega gross but I AM saying that I did find something in them and it was nice to discover another part of me that Id really never experienced before, and these guys and the situation, sorta brought it out of me and for that Im thankful...

Oh Ps. Sitges is totally cute and had WAY less attitude and the beach was more mixed and Id totally recommend it to anyone.


Will said...

You are just so hot and cute!

gavin said...

Sounds like you made some new friends. Wonderful!

Especially if they're your favorite flavor: Swarthy Muscle Machos.

El Brucio said...

I'm happy that you found something good in all of this, but otherwise it just sounds so hateful and depressing.

I already feel inadequate here. I hesitate to imagine how I would have felt under similar circumstances.

James said...

Don't rule out a gay cruise because you think it would be similar. I found people generally totally approachable and friendly; much more so than at a circuit event.

Eric Arvin said...

What an interesting post! Would make a good basis for a novel actually.

Brad said...

Wow, you're big and built so those guys must be dinosaurs. I kinda feel sorry for their bodies with that much serious steroid use. It won't be pretty in 10 years when their organs are exploding.

rashasha said...

You should WARN your fans that you're going away for a while - we WORRY you know?

Fantastic and incisive post - I particularly like your insight about the affirmation of projected insecurities!

I hope at some point you were able to make that awful slag Lisa Girard cry - it's fun to give them a taste of their own medicine!

David Mason said...

Thank you guys!!! I gave Lisa girard to god years ago but I still have the teeny weeniest little bit of acid for her.... She doesnt need to cry, but UGH, I hated her. Either her or her bf keyed my car in high school too, that bitch was jealous of me from day one, she sorta had her own little mafia too because there was one in every grade , she had adult siblings and shit, she was gross. ?!?!?

Ted said...

I'm a daily reader; missed you while you were gone.

I thought about this posting today (Saturday). I went to a Fitness Expo and Bodybuilding Contest. Usually I think I'm not too fat or out of shape, but not today; I was definitely an old troll! Then I really looked at all those super hot men (and skinny, nasty, tranny-looking women) and saw they were just trying to pump up their self esteem. They'll all be fat by forty.

Mathieu said...

I was on Ibiza the week before and it was pretty quiet, because of this festival. I decided to avoid it in the end because of pretty much what you're describing here. I'm considered 'VGL' everywhere I go and do pretty well for myself too but I'm not juiced which tends to get me the look away treatment from guys at these events. Thanks for posting these Madrid / BCN reviews by the way you are helping me realise my insecurities at attending these things and also my insecurities at not attending them. Like, I've been road tripping around western Europa these past 3 weeks and each time I run into a gay guy they either guilt me for not being there and make me feel like a looser for not going, like a gay guy with my face is obligated to or something, or they say exactly what you said, that it's TOO MUCH, and best to be avoided, but even though they say that, they still go.
I think I will go next year and bear in mind what you've said here about everyone being scared and to just be nice to people - which actually comes naturally so I should be ok.
Thank you!