Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Your life coach is a hooker.


If youre considering going to a life coach just take your money and spend it on some sexy SNEAKERS and a DRINK! Then have some nice conversation with your favorite bartender because its probably better advice, and at least its coming from someone making an honest living.
The only qualification it takes to be a "life coach" is having the nerve to CALL YOURSELF A LIFE COACH!?! Advice is great and I dont knock self help, but someone who tells you a nice piece of information is called CONCIERGE, not a life coach. The kind of information you might get could be handy but ADVICE, no matter how good, isnt going cause the deep life altering changes that you need to make serious growth. You can take on all the best advice in the world but in my experience I only actually learn something from experience and from feeling it personally, not from being told about it. Therapy is EXPENSIVE and SLOW but I really feel like thats what it takes to seriously make the change you think you want/need.
THAT SAID, I have PROOF that life coaches are handy at best, but most likely just someone with mental problems coming up with a magical title for themselves like that kid on the playground who lied and said his uncle was Chuck Norris.. Gurl... Stop lyin' and just admit to yourself that youre NOTHING SPECIAL LIKE THE REST OF US, and while youre at it clean those dishes because you need a real job...
This all came to me because as I was doing my online search for models I came across this guy who was once running around town touting himself as a LIFE COACH, with cards placed all over the city and this aloof attitude and faux sincerity of self ( that crazy making attitude of "If you ACT like a star then you ARE a star"... um, no because if you ACT like a star then you ARE.. an ASSHOLE) that when combined with a non reflective ego made me wanna BARF HARD!... So when I came across his new ad.. on RENTBOY I have to say I felt redeemed, like I know its not nice to be happy about someone becoming a hooker late in life but at least I felt like "Oh, Ok Im NOT CRAZY, that REALLY WAS a total bullshit show and now reality has set in on the person who ran around town telling everyone how to "get their ducks in a row" and how he was such a fine example of sanity and great living AND HOW EVERYONE ELSE IS DUMB! ( He actually said this on his rant on his bigmuscle profile page, which now that I remember it, I actually DONT feel bad about laughing maniacally as I throw my head back and toss sour patch kids into my mouth and come up with a new nickname for him... which will be ANGEL - based off that 80s movie that was in EVERY video store growing up with the girl who was half school girl, half HOOKER on the cover with the tag line "Angel by day, HOOKER by night!" .. So yeah now hes forever ANGEL "Life coach by day... HOOKER BY NIGHT" )...
Gurl.. You can run around town trying to get as many people as you can to believe you, in hopes that if you can get THEM to believe you then MAYBE YOU WILL BELIEVE YOU... but at some point its all gonna catch up to you and youre gonna have to admit that you hate yourself and you want a hug....JOIN THE CLUB.... or you can just quit the life coach biz and be an honest hooker... its up you, at least being an honest hooker is a step in the right direction from being a dishonest life coach.

14 comments:

Gregory said...

Ouch, smack-down!!! I am thinking this must be the same man who, for a period of time, had a monkey under his arm?

gavin said...

Now we're all dying to see his rentboy profile. Or his pics, at least.

Do you peruse rentboy for potential models, or to avoid certain ones?

John David Sturgill said...

God I was obsessed with the vhs cover for Angel. http://img39.imagefra.me/img/img39/2/8/24/oneeyedwilly/f_dc1h1m0x1m_2bba28d.jpg

brando said...

"at least being an honest hooker is a step in the right direction from being a dishonest life coach."

Preach.

James said...

Amen.

James said...

David! OMFG You must be a TRIP to hang out with in person! I would kill to just sit on a bench in Central Park at high noon and just people watch with you. I bet you'd have a story for every person.

Erik said...

With his qualifications and attitude he should have gone to work in Wall Street instead of Rentboy!

ADAM said...

OMG! I cant believe Coach -Life Coach is now on Rent Boy!? A fine example of steriod use for personal growth. I often wondered if his very fancy "trainer" website wasnt a front for steroid or HGH sales. He would be the perfect character in A. Maupin story about Chelsea in 2010.

youreviltwin said...

wow, that was EPIC, lol.

and timely! my aunt came to visit a few weeks ago and she told me about her INSANE neighbor across the street who we used to believe was an executive for Fiat but has been let go. i house sat for my aunt in may, and this 55 - 60 year old macked on me HARD after telling me about how horrible men are for about half an hour (the gayness isn't exactly a secret), and was unemployed for months, finally got a job SELLING CARS (that's fine, but how do you go from financial executive for FIAT to selling cars?) and then quit after less than a month, and now she's telling my aunt she's going to open a fucking LIFE COACHING CENTER.

i'm totally emailing this post to my aunt, she'll die.

youreviltwin said...

i remember what my question was- is this the same guy you heard talking about opening a luxury spa at a party, and then you heard his female friend ask what he was talking about and the guy told her "if you tell someone something it will come true?" if it's NOT the same guy, it definitely IS the same kind of NOT QUITE RIGHT.

David Mason said...

I dunno if the dude had a fitness site , and Evil twin, its NOT the same dude who made the " If I say it it will happen" comment. though theyre spiritually the same :)

Kurt Walters said...

So, along the same lines of; 'If I believe I'm a ..." Am I right, if I believe I'm the chisel in Michelangelo's hand, I'm really just a bone saw in Calcutta? Or, if I believe I'm an exquisite dish prepared by Thomas Keller, am I really only a bag of circus peanuts all stuck together 'cuz some kid forgot me at the back of the school bus? Or maybe I think I'm a gorgeous tapestry woven by blind nuns in France, when actually I'm just Dick Cheney's cum towel?

oo this is fun.. I could go on n on ..

Kurt Walters said...

HA!! I'm cracking myself up here now.. I think we need to make a list, like the back pocket hankey code list of every conceivable item and it's true equivalent, you think you're a ____, when you're really a ____.

Mathieu said...

Hysterical! I've never had or known a life coach but I do have some friends who do therapy, one of whom was hitting on him, which turned me off. Truth is I need to get my ducks in a row but never considered anything like a life coach and I can't afford therapy. I'm poor this month and thought maybe I should try HOOKING semi seriously though. God no longer!

You need a model?? I'm in NYC at the moment...