Monday, October 11, 2010

The A-Lisp...

Ok, First of all I didnt come up with that title, but I cant say WHO DID, but they deserve the credit because its pretty good. My friend MADE me watch the show as I refused to so he basically locked me in his OPIUM DEN of an apartment and served me a blooming chrysanthemum tea and made me watch as I enjoyed my HAMBURGER... it smelled like Sagat.
Anyways its on RIGHT now as Im waiting for The Arrangement with Armen and instead of watching Im writing this, if this tells you anything. I also refused to mention the name so its google proof because I didnt want it to get any press from me. The show isnt half as bad as you think but its still gross. The biggest surprise to me was that the SNOWGRESS that seemed like the biggest nightmare from the ads seemed like he was the most real, or at least honest, and the Reiken guy was such a full creepy queen, I hadnt seen him on tv before so I had no idea, maybe everyone else knew this. The guy is clearly photogenic Im not gonna talk trash about him in a dishonest manner, but NOT cute for live action, as soon as the waxwork comes alive the whole thing MELTS and the eyeballs are just left sitting there floating around freaking us out like the NAZI FACE MELT ending of INDIANA JONES.
The kid who dated Marc Jacobs I feel awful for. In the first 10 seconds I just felt "This kid is gonna do harm on to others or himself" I just think he gives off a serious Andrew Cunnan effect. Which was EXTRA CREEPY because not 5 minutes after watching the show, He or someone using his photo, hits me up on Grindr?! ( I wont post the photo because I think its not cool, I mean I wouldnt want someone doing it to my photo. Talking about it is one thing, and being clear that it easily could NOT be him, especially being that I have a collection of people using my photo as THEIR Grindr photo, but publicly sharing photos is shadey I think).
I didnt pick up on the fact that the short Brazilian prostitute, oh wait the politically correct term is MODEL, was just hired for the show and doesnt even know the Reiken guy until halfway through. Maybe Im wrong but I feel like the dude just showed up. The Mike Ruiz dude is the only one I could have a conversation with and I kinda just see him as the odd man out on this thing. He gives off a serious LA sober dude vibe which is cool and Im very chill with that. I mean of course I cringed at the "Im one of the most sought after celebrity photographers in the world" comment but Im sure that was just for the people in Iowa.
I dont watch the real housewives of any place because i think its morally reprehensible, the same goes for this except the shitty part is I cant just say how shitty women are and I have to own it that these are gays and theyre gross too.... maybe even worse... maybe A LOT worse.... The show has been on the tv in the background this entire time Ive been writing and I have to say the YACKITY YACK JIBBER JABBER you hear rivals the worst most awful gaggle of girls stumbling by Magnolia Bakery ever..
but we KNEW all of this... ugh when is this show gonna be over so I can stop writing about them and watch The Arrangement and the Saw 3-D challenge?!?!.... Ack they wont stop talking?!? This show, and shitty article, will NEVER end... I apologize but I just dont know what to do to kill time, Ive blogged, ive jerked off, Ive eaten, Im scared if it lasts any longer the pretzels are gonna come out and if the pretzels come out EVERYTHING GOES TO HELL because then I want something SWEET after the salty then something SALTY after the sweet and the next thing you know Im on the tread mill for 45 minutes?!?!?!? The A- lisp will make you FAT?!?!?!? RUN!!!! If thats not the ULTIMATE worst review ever I dont know what is?!


fang said...

God this made me laugh hard! did the pretzels come out? :)

by the way, do you or anyone else that uses blogger have to sign in every time you need to post something of late? used to be that you didn't have to do that for weeks at a time.

it's so fucking annoying!.

gavin said...

Mike Ruiz does come across as the most down-to-earth, sensible and good-humored.

He actually told James St. James that he doesn't truly think he's on an "A-list;" that he just said it for the show:

Stanimal5 said...

Most of the guys I know who loved the housewives series hate this show. I think it's because it hits to close to home. Ironic that it's airing around the same time that so many are speaking out against relational bullying amongst children...

Anonymous said...

i agree that reichen is the worst of them all--he can't act, let alone improv and he's older than the others so he should know better. the queenie blond is the most honest or "real"if that can be believed. and i agree with you about austin too---he's a hard 22 and when he realizes he'll never be able to get what he wants he may go postal---good observation on that one babe, i hadn't thought of that til you mentioned it but i can sure see it now.