Thursday, March 3, 2011

Your SELF LOATHING is really NOT a priority. There are plenty of other people to hate then gays, and enough people hate them already.

I had a dream where I perfectly deciphered why all the big designers, Mugler, McQueen, Galliano, feel the need to throw themselves off the STONEY END... but I FORGOT IT...
The point was I think was that its interesting that all the greats find a way to destroy their "identity". Galliano with being a creepy weirdo on purpose on camera, Mugler doing the same thing but being honest about it at least, and Mcqueen hanging himself like one of his own dresses in a closet.
Unfortunately I think its the gays that seem to be the most destructive with the destruction of identity thing and I think its because gays are just trained to hate themselves SO MUCH... You know nobody talks about this enough?! Im OVER gays hating themselves and others gays so much. Its why there is no such thing as a GAY gay icon. We cant even like ourselves enough to back one of our own. That is FUCKED UP, and I think its why all these gay talents are so self destructive. Theyre GREAT talents and NOBODY backs them up. As soon as they become successful and are out, the gays EAT THEM ALIVE in hopes of painting themselves a better man.. Its gross. George Michael, Mugler, Johnny Weir even Elton John the gays turned their back on as soon as he came out. I think gays are also FRIGHTENED to admit to like another gay. Like a shitty friend in street fight, were too scared to back each other up. Whats funny is some straight people will have the balls to back up and be a fan of a gay, but not the gays themselves. Gays hate themselves too much to actually like someone who is out publicly as a GAY. Its not the gays fault though, were simply TRAINED to hate ourselves from day one, so its REALLY HARD NOT TO, but we need to make an effort not to. I think upon seeing another gay, famous or not, in their unconscious mind they actually think "Thats a GAY, Im not THAT. He is BAD. If I hate him Im not a BAD GAY", its one of the reasons why were so unfriendly to one another. Unfortunately if you hate on a gay YOU ARE a BAD GAY, and by hating on a gay you in turn HATE YOURSELF. No matter how different they act or look from you, I really feel that hating on another gay cannot ever HELP you. Somewhere on some level it comes back to bite you in the ass, most likely unconsciously, and leads to hating yourself and making BAD DECISIONS. At the risk of your EYE ROLLING, its why Ive decided NOT to hate Lady Gaga. There are THOUSANDS of horrible people out there hating gays and the gays dont have the balls to hate them. Who do they hate the biggest "gay" out there... Its messed up.. Im making an effort to change. I dont wanna harbor hate but if I'm going to im going to choose my enemies more carefully. My current choices are the hateful parts of the "caribbean", and anyone who uses GAY as a punchline... This means Adam Sandler, and I back this up simply by NOT giving any money to these things and by GIVING money to gay places that need it like the Ali Forney Center.


Marone said...

I agree with your comments.
Some "gays" has a great ammount of homophobia... but I think heterosexism is under this learned homophobia.
I working on reasearch, and, in the ohter hand, I begun to understand the "concept" of gay identity maybe is ending, and we are getting into a new "wave" where we have to begin to talk about "sexuality".
I´m an activist and I don´t know if it's good or bad, maybe both, because I think Gay Identity is so helpful to work human rights.

I just wanted to give you some thoghts I have on mind, in my restricted english...

Unknown said...

huh. I never thought about it like this until you brought it up the other day in another post. Gays don't like George Michael? Now that you say it it seems obvious... good for you man, this is how we progress as a people. I imagine some sociologists have done some similar work comparing black identity/insecurity to the experience of the gay community. There must be some interesting overlap there since the root cause (pervasive discrimination) is the same.

I've been having an interesting exchange with random people on the internet over what I thought was a simple comment about Orson Scott Card. It's hard to break through to people when the stereotypes are so ingrained. We just have to spread as many positive vibes outside our own small communities as possible and hope that gradually some of these prejudices erode. I hope you keep writing about these things, it's important to us all.

The silly discussion I mentioned is here:

Anonymous said...

David I really admire you for being so forthright on this subject. In my opinion you are 100% correct and for me it is sad that as far as we have come as a villified minority group, the GLBT community hasn't taken the time to recognize, confront or even talk about issues like this. You have done a great service by raising the consciousness of any gay men who might read this! Bravo!

PS. I like the beard, it gives you a whole other personality look!

Unknown said...

I totally agree with this. I get upset with other gay men who hate on effeminate gay men, which just smacks of self loathing and insecurity. But, having grown up gay myself, I understand this impulse. One wants to hide any trace of gay so they don't appear weak or less than a "real" man. But it takes balls to appear as you fully are and not hide in the shadows.

I consider Pee Wee Herman to be my gay icon, who, thank god, is having a renaissance.

Malibu Eric said...

Amen! Please send this posting to Out, Huffington Post, NYT, etc., because it needs a national audience...or rather it deserves a national audience.
As a former self loather your words ring true, hugs to you Dave.

Unknown said...

Preach! You and your Pink Unicorn self help reduce this loathing so thank you for that:)

Unknown said...

What a touching post!

I've argued the same many times before. For instance, it really bugs me when gay men say that only trash goes to bars. My response is always, "but you're there!"

Thanks for this Galliano follow-up. It's thought provoking.

Unknown said...

P.S. I love the choice of accompanying photo!

Tullio said...


This resonates with deep truth, it's uncomfortable to admit, I see it often here where I live, when gay people come together, you have these huge groups of gay guys ignoring each other most of the time, when people gang up in bitch cliques it's to hate on the gay around them. I am also guilty of this, I thought I was being super villainesque but it's just silly now that you've illuminated it for me. You are my number 1 gay icon :)

JamTheCat said...

Speaking truth, David.

Anonymous said...

Lady Gaga makes me long for the years when Madonna was at the top of her game.
I think most gay men want icons who transcend the stereotype of gay men as an effete and/or a pervert, in other words icons who personify strength, masculinity and somewhat paradoxically sexual "normalcy." This doens't inlcude Weir, Elton John or George Michael and his restroom exploits. Ricky Martin comes to mind but he only came out after he disappeared from the spotlight. Sean Hayes is reluctant . . . who does that really leave? A bunch of closet cases? I don't even know what happened to Rod and Bob Paris! I guess we'll embrace a gay icon, when the straights do and they haven't so we haven't either.

gavin said...

Well, I don't see sexual orientation as a reason to like OR dislike someone.

Coming out and being honest about who you are does increase my respect for someone. But that goes for a lot of things, not just homosexuality.

The fact that a public figure is openly gay will never be enough for me to like or respect them alone -- just like being straight doesn't impress me.

We need to live in a world where people are neutral about sexuality, race, gender, etc.

Anyone who would blindly endorse a public figure just because they're gay, regardless of their work, is just as bad as some homophobe who would hate them for it.

Would you back up Jeffrey Dahmer?

Do you support Perez Hilton?

Do you respect Ted Haggard?

I don't trash George Michael because he's gay -- I trash him because he's CORNY.

P.S. What Adam Sandler joke offended you?

I actually see Sandler as a pro-gay, gay-helpful comedian.

If you watch I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK AND LARRY, Sandler gives a whole sermon at the end about how nobody should use the word "fag." That was very ballsy and noble for him to do in a hit, mainstream comedy.

I've also never heard Sandler use the word "gay" to mean "weak," "bad," "lame" or undesirable like half the comedians out there and most Americans.

fang said...

whilst your points are totally valid, and i have seen much of what you describe myself (just most likely in a largely diluted form compared to the megalopolis' of this world like NYC etc), i think it's important to make the distinction between this and genuinely not liking something because it's crap.

it's one thing for someone to be a bitter queen over something, it's quite another to state ones dislike for a piece of art, music etc if it is not to ones taste, or indeed if it IS rubbish.

ergo: just because it's gay doesn't immediately make it worshipful or indeed, good.

i take everything on its own merits. i think you do too, i just wanted to make the distinction clear. you know i've nothing but mad love and respect for you Big D xx

Lawrence said...

If gays were truly cool there wouldn't have to be bear bars, we could all just party in harmony. Elton John is not a good example because he suports Eminem who promotes homophobia and he performed at Rush Limbaugh's wedding. All the good that Elton has done over the years has been ruined by his friendship with these homophobes & his opinion that gays derserve only civil service ceremonies and not legal marriage.

n said...

Most of all the gays you listed are horrible examples

Here's a great one: Neil Patrick Harris