Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Its tough to be a BOTTOM, but its usually more fun.


Ok I havent blogged for a while because there was A LOT going on?!
First off I had a friend come visit from Paris, a slick it up model, who had never been to the United States before so I had my work cut out for me. I decided that it would be best to show him NYC and LA as theyre so dramatically different but both worth seeing, and both serving UBER AMERICA which is funny being that theyre also totally NOT THE REAL AMERICA.. which would be ANYWHERE ELSE BUT New York and LA.
I wasnt sure how it was supposed to go as far as hooking up either. I think the guy is totally cute and hes the only Slick It Up model that Ive hooked up with that was a model for me before I hooked up with him. I had to qualify it this way because everyone ASSUMES I hook up with the models but I DONT. Ive had sex with ONE other model but that was BEFORE he was a Slick It Up model so it doesnt really count. AFTER theyve modeled for me I have no desire to hook up with them, except for this guy, I think because once youve had them as a model youve already "had them" and there is no desire to go further... basically you already have them in your STICKER BOOK so theres no reason to push it. As a bottom its hard to get a boner for someone that youve paid and told what to do and they did it. I know that sounds kinda harsh or cold or cunty, in some way its sounds a little negative, but Im just being honest. I mean I think its why photographers like to shoot models, its a way of having people just as YOU wish, you control the pose the look etc, shooting hot guys is like having a set of real life action figures.
Anyhow he arrives in NYC and we make out and have some fun, we head out immediately as our time is limited and I try and get him to see as many iconic New York elements as I can. We have a great time and have some light sex and go to bed... Im a LITTLE anxious though because I'm not sure if this dude wants me to fuck him or be some fetish top OR if Im totally wrong and hes just feeling obligated and doing because Im pushing myself on him. I chalk it up to me just thinking TOO MUCH as I have a strong tendency to do and decided to just try and ROLL WITH IT. The next day its more sights, shopping, but less sex. Were actually EXHAUSTED but Im also feeling like "Im not gonna touch him because I wanna see if Im the one doing the pushing so I'll do NOTHING and see if he makes a move" the problem with that is now its possible for him to think im NOT interested because I WAS making a move but now Im not, so then in turn HE WONT thinking im not interested OR Im wrong and Im doing the RIGHT THING and not pushing myself on the dude and making it awkward for him. SO its sort of a VEXING situation. Do I just try and make him happy SEXUALLY and play a role thats sexually atractive and be LESS queeny or do I just QUEEN OUT and we have FUN... hrmmm. Well I figured it was better to just HAVE FUN and not try and FORCE anything because that would just end up in resentment and ruin a potentially awesome time and making a new friend in hopes of trying to force a situation which is not meant to be. This is NOT so easy to do mind you. In fact I think its the HARDER thing to do as most people I think wouldnt be able to handle the fact that it may not be exactly what I had PLANNED but in fact it could be DIFFERENT but also BETTER. This is a good lesson to learn. At the time, like most lessons, it SUCKS to learn, BUT Ive found that if you have a very limited/ controlled idea of they way something is "supposed" to be it doesnt really allow room for anything else to grow because the constraints are so tight, so therefor if what it REALLY IS is somehow outsides of this little box then it simply doesnt fit and youre left with disappointment when the fact is if you just went into the situation with more of an OPEN MIND and give room and ALLOW something to grow that perhaps you didnt plan you will be REALLY HAPPY with what grows because you didnt have any expectations and therfore its all good. So this is what I did, I didnt try and force anything and just let it ROLL, and the fact is the more I opened up the more HE opened up and yes at some points we were awkwardly sitting there like two ducks in a puddle because were both BOTTOMS but soon that anxiety was gone (though there still was a TINY bit of disappointment on my half because I felt like a tiny bit of a failure, but thats my weird projection and I know this so WHATEVER... though it just seems like life would be so much easier if I was top?! Youd have an ENDLESS BUFFET of dudes and make A LOT OF DESPERATE BOTTOMS HAPPY?!
Anyways we then go to LA and he has even more fun and says he likes LA MORE, which is RARE but Im really happy to hear it because I think this had a lot to do with my friends because In NYC we didnt have time to meet many of my friends and in LA he met a bunch of my friends and I think thats what made the difference, which really made me happy. I was so impressed with him just being so free and easy going and having no problem jumping right into the fray with my GENIUS and PARTICULAR friends out there. It meant a lot to me.
It turned out to be a great time and Im glad I handled it this way.... but then I got home and.... I'll make it another post.

2 comments:

Stanimal5 said...

Thanks for that. I think every gay man has had a similar experience. It would be so much easier to be straight and just know that sex is going to happen because the mechanics are right. One question though--are you SURE that most gay guys prefer to bottom, because it doesn't always seem that way to those who don't.

Gareth said...

God that inner dialogue about hooking up or not sounds so familiar to me. And I'm someone who thinks out loud so when I first started playing with a lot of different boys I'd totally have those conversations with the guy! A long-time cruiser was shocked when I shared this with him and told me I was missing the point of the game. But hooking up isn't really a game for me. More like a very intimate cocktail party. I just happen to like to get to know guys physically, too. I may not be a classical cruiser I get plenty of what I need.

I'm "versatile" but I'm really only a bottom when the guy is 6" or preferably smaller and I'm only a top if I'm really, really into the guy, like potential new best friend kind of into. And a lot of that I never figure out until we're naked and have our arms wrapped around each other. But I definitely identify with the challenges facing both tops and bottoms. I think my solution has been to learn to focus less on penetration via a dong as the sign for top and bottom roles and recognizing that those two things and a lot of others (tongue, rounded pointed things in general, the position my partner and I are in) all can let him and me play the role we feel comfortable with.

I have this one friend I play with for whom I could do nothing but bottom and he's a total top, but he's just too big for me to take and still have a good time. So our solution has been to turn our predicament into a game: perfecting the art of face-f***ing. Believe me, when I'm in a position that he loves to see and I can tell how turned on he is by how hard he's going at it, the afterglow once we both get off is pretty similar to anything else.

I know it would be "simpler" if the parts were more prescribed the way straight people have them, but I actually kind of like having to figure it out all out time after time.