Tuesday, September 27, 2011

A photo collection of my trip to Missouri


Upon arrival the pool, of decomposing bodies, was lovely as promised!


The room was especially customized JUST FOR ME! The reproductive fluids splattered on the coverlet were perhaps the most personal touch Ive ever seen gifted to a motel guest! Despite kicking the blanket to the corner daily they continued replacing the coverlet and never washing the stain off. It was so thick it actually had MEASURABLE HEIGHT.


I drove there for a taxidermy auction and they actually had stuff that was well... fierce by literal definition.



There was nothing to do so I would take nyquil and other night time drugs to be asleep by 8 pm. This was one of the guys closest to me on Grindr... and why I propped the ironing board against door at night.


I found this dude while driving there and hes like a near double for my former bf. I found it interesting that people from the same area looked the same.


Normally 18 wheelers outside your window would be a negative, but the sound of them roaring by at night drown out the teen age runaways being strangled.


Even though the people had nowhere to eat but fast food joints that served as nursing homes to the not-dead-yet-set, they had pink guns... At least they know their priorities.


I found this lady on HSN which I watched as I faded away on pills. Her name is Joan Boyce, but I think it should be Jewly McSparklstein.


They also sold live animals at the auction for dirt cheap, pythons, tortoises, sugar gliders, kangaroos, cervals, lilac hedgehogs... Oddly there were also lots of AMISH there.. perhaps theyre assembling an arc.


I won a bunch of stuff and put my friends in the back of the truck. They were quiet... I was not. I sang out loud, by myself, a lot.


While driving through Pennsylvania I swear to god I thought "I want more rainbows in my life. Like how they were used in everything in the early eighties." and then like MINUTES later I came over a hill and there was a giant rainbow! I actually drove through the base of it where it touched the ground!!! I had rainbow ALL OVER MY FACE?!?!?.. It was AWESOME and I think Im magical now.


The giraffe fit in my place perfectly, but it needed a hat. It was just a COMMON STREET GIRAFFE without a hat.


The hyena with dikir was also a must.

I woke up this morning feeling quite happy. I woke up and walked to the bathroom saying "Good morning everybody! Hello everybody!" I feel like a have a happy full home and everyone is getting along...

11 comments:

Eric Arvin said...

Ha! Yep. Definitely magical now.

Sue said...

But you were magical well before the rainbow my dear. How else would we explain the unicorn phenomenon and the glitter throws? You have a sparkly aura surrounding you that follows where ever you go and gives you magical powers of design and creativity.

http://suefairview.com/

`Steve Sakk said...

hilarious!

Jim said...

I love this post :) And, yes, giraffe deserved a jaunty hat!
Only, eewwww....the bed comforter, LOL. Love jewelry lady and the name you made up for her. Looks like a successful trip.

Stanimal5 said...

I was out that way for a wedding recently. It was just as you described: Nothing but fast food chains, truck stops, and a McCormick Vodka distillery. I also saw lots of taxidermy and it was all dirt cheap. Full sized grizzly's for $300-400. Why would MO be a taxidermy mecca? Maybe they are building an arc.

Sexy Beast said...

HA!! Love it! Jealous of the giraffe, what's his/her name? Any names?

David Mason said...

I dont have a name for him yet... Only the wolf has a name so far....

thongtied said...

Your posts have always been addictive. This one was a standout - funny in measures, cringe-worthy in parts, and ultimately thought-provoking (as in - should I buy a vacation home in MO?). David - your gifts are so enormous, that being magical on top of that would be overkill. Then again...why not? Thanks for sharing all of it - the gift, the art, the delgithful weirdness, and the magic.

thongtied said...

Your posts have always been addictive. This one was particularly special: funny in measures, cringe-worthy in parts, and thought-provoking in the end (as in - should I buy a vacation home in MO?) David - your gifts have always been enormous, being magical on top of all that would just be overkill. But then again -why not? Thanks for sharing all of them - the gifts and the magic.

gavin said...

Truly fierce; truly twisted.

Thanks for being an original, Dave :)

JamTheCat said...

Lovely. Lovely!