Monday, December 19, 2011

Elizabeth Taylor gave me CRYSTAL!


I won Elizabeth Taylors Amethyst Geode at the Christies Auction. I think it was a good investment. It looks like a jumbo popcorn made of gem stones. I fully plan on receiving messages from her now when Im in unconscious states, no not those land masses between New York and California, but while asleep in my bedroom Im hoping for a visit from NUKLEOPATRA HERSELF. Surely the rock has MAJOR VIBES and will have a better connection to Despina moon of Saturn, where Liz vacations in her current state of light, then my current plan with ATT&T. I cant say for sure if this classifies me as a demi god but it least gives me POWERS BEYOND REASON, but again theyre not really MY powers but GODS. Im just allowed to hold the stone for the time being. I am SO EXCITED, I hope people arent freaked out when my eyes turn violet and that I manage to control my powers and only shoot purple lightening bolts out my eyes when people REALLY DESERVE IT. I have a tendency to mask hurt feelings with anger, but Ive gotten a lot better with that so I think thats why Ive been given the responsibility of ROMANCING THE STONE. Im not just gonna run around with it ZAPPING taxi drivers and tourists who walk to slow and take up the entire sidewalk... even though they totally deserve it. I leave it to FATE to deal with them. Its not my job to punish people its just my job to ENDURE THEM the best way possible. I promise to use it only for GOOD! Thats why I think I got it. Anyone could have, it wasnt much. I think she wanted me to have it. I cleaned the house up before I brought it home and wore my nicest shoes when I picked her up.
Now that said I think these are some things im DEFINITELY getting from the stone:
1. Ageless beauty
2. Immortality
3. Purple lightening bolt rage
4. Time travel through transcendent visions
5. Friends in other dimensions
6. Hollywood magic
7. Bragging rights
8. Juju vibes
9.GLOBAL HEADLINES when I hit the burglar over the head with it when I stop him from robbing it only to remove the mask and find out its Joan Rivers.
10. The ability to "juice the life force" of podlings for a fierce night time facial plasma, and I say plasma NOT SERUM. I do LOVE a serum but they seem a little 2010... 2012 is all about PLASMA!


How many times am I gonna post this Gozer the Gozerian clip?! Its great for a Monday though. Gets you in the proper mind set to take on the week ahead of you!

12 comments:

Malibu Eric said...

I love it when dreams come true, congratulations!! I would have died for a bangle or 2 from La Liz but c'est la vie! Enjoy the purple revelations.

Phillyguy said...

Hmmmm . . . Ms. Taylor didn't even get item #2!

However, congrats. Um, was it a pretty penny?

Sexy Beast said...

You look so happy!

Have fun zapping people and tuning into Liz Radio!

Jealous!

Kurt Walters said...

Yeah that's really great and everything, but what we all really wanna know, is how much you paid for that thing?!

David Mason said...

600,000

David Mason said...

Just kidding! It would be TACKY for me to say what I paid but if you really wanna know its on their site what it sold for. It wasnt much. It was actually reasonable :)

Joel said...

Congrats on the fab crystals! For a little over 600K you could have gotten Liz's personal Liz signed to her by Warhol- that was a bargain for the lucky winner

David Mason said...

right?! Why was it so cheap?? It must have been a print or something???

Joel said...

The BBC said this Liz was a lithograph, one of 12 made in the '60's. But one in another color scheme sold for 23.7 million, go figure. If Warhol is down the economy is really in trouble!

David Mason said...

I dont know enough about Warhol but perhaps this was just a litho and the other was like a one of a kind and the original ?

alvaro said...

HA!
All that vital elixir being sucked off potato folk right into your muscles... watch out for joan skeksis.

(Yes, Liz wanted you to have it, send her my love when you meet in those babalonic beaches)

J said...

Hahaha yes!!!!!!!