Tuesday, January 31, 2012

RUPAULS DRAG RACE SEASON 4 : FIRST EPISODE REVIEW... Wow the mones have me cunty this a.m?! I apologize in advance.

I just finished watching the first episode of OZ, er I mean RUPAULS DRAG RACE, ok so I guess this season they're walking for TALENT... but Face??.. UM....not-so-much.
This year the dolls are a little more rough around the edges.. AND THE GUM LINE! Ru on the other hand is looking lovely.. WAS IT A PLOT?! I mean the fastest way to look MORE PRETTY is to stand by someone LESS PRETTY. It was noted by a few people that I was watching the show with that Ru looked, dare I say, NATURALLY pretty. She's a wise woman, nobody picked up on this stunt BUT I DID! She hasn't got a show that runs in 30 countries for no reason ok?! I wondered if the contestants had to put dulling paste on their teeth like Mae West used to demand of her co stars, but then I realized with this crowd NO DULLING PASTE NEEDED! Not only is Ru savvy but she's all FRUGAL! That dulling paste budget can go straight to Ru's purse!
Now silly shade aside, I DO think this will be a great season, as always, but first we just have to whittle down the CRAP. Im actually GLAD they allow a couple more "common" queens on the show just to chop them because it lets the queens and the public know "this shit is tired, so please get a more savvy/sophisticated look, because a set of fake tits and a giant fake braid SUCKS SO HARD." Anyone remember that queen last year who got chopped for the EXACT SAME LOOK but she added a CRYSTAL SPIDER to the boob?..... UGH she sucked so hard she deserved to not only get the chop but to be RAVAGE by the other queens and STRIPPED of her clothes and BANISHED from Drag Queendom like that scene in the Dark Crystal when Lord Chamberlain loses the sword fight and for the first time in your childhood you get FREAKED THE FUCK OUT but learn that simply TRYING IT doesn't cut it and just because you want something doesn't mean YOU DESERVE IT!
This season we have a couple queens with a CRIMINAL RECORD, one girl has a missing (or seriously dark colored) toof, there isn't a pretty girl, but we do have a MIDGET. AKA were big on TALENT. I went to my usual RPDR party at my friends place and someone commented that it was more like Bad Girls Club then Rupauls Drag Race and I have to agree. Going by what we saw in the Interior Illusions Lounge this season will be SPIRITED and ENTERTAINING, if not necessarily "editorial". I mean when was the last time the pretty girl was actually entertaining, I think never. Though I could watch Carmen Carrera all day, or at least 14 minutes but in drag world thats ALL DAY. The first episode is always a bit of a snore because its more like a "meet and greet and please get the fuck out" then an actual episode where we know the queens, their roles, rivals, etc etc. That said Im gonna give you my thoughts on the queens so far:

Sharon Needles: The best one.

Jiggly Caliente: I don't share everyones love of the big girl.

Willam: Glenn Close vs Punch and Judy. She has a brain, and a chin.

Kenya: Why the fuck you name yourself KENYA?!.. Were the PYGMYS from Kenya?

Madame LaQueer: Everyone is over the "rican show" and someone please place a used car tire around her neck, usually Id suggest putting it around the waist but THE TIRES ON A 747 are hard to come by, full of gasoline and light it on fire for just having that WICKED SHITTY NAME.

Milan: Seems like a nice person and I hear she can do shows. Most people I know here in New York like her so Im not gonna throw shade.

Latrice Royal: The poor mans Dorian Corey. Shade aside I like her voice a lot and she seems genuine albeit a CONVICTED FELLON.

Dida Ritz & Lashaun Beyond & Alisa Summers: Who cares.... read a book... get a job.

The Princess: Anderson Cooper isn't looking so fierce.

Phi Phi Ohara: Not gonna win and has already decided to let her insecurities get the best of her and get her camera time by being the JEALOUS TWAT- fair enough, perhaps wise even. Jealous beauty is sorta the GOLD STANDARD for garnering gay attention, Alexis on Dynasty, Evil Lynn on He-Man, Madonna vs Elton John...
Her look was one of the better ones for the Rupocalypse as it was a direct lift of Dr. Dealgood from Beyond the Thunderdome.

Chad Michaels: She can't win because she's SURGICALLY ONE NOTE, but I dunno as much as everyone was hating on her at the party I was at I feel like she might be a nice person and I do like Cher. I respect that she's OLD SCHOOL and comes from that OLD TYME drag world of IMPERSONATION and I actually sorta love an impersonator because its WEIRD. I mean WE ALL have impersonated Cher at one point of our lives, so we all can relate on some level. So I don't wanna throw shade for someone doing something they love.

Did I forget someone? Well If so, make a better impression next time.

Love the show, can't wait for more!


Malibu Eric said...

Lord knows I LOVE the Drag Race, my main beef from 1st episode is that the whole Mike Ruiz photo challenge was a complete rip off of Alexander McQueen's Savage Beauty. Just a nod of props to AMcQ would have been nice.

Malibu Eric said...

P.S. The paint dress originated from his 1999 S/S runway show.

serge said...

Miss Willam reminds so much of The Chicken Lady from Kids in The Hall,the way she talks with a hint of a question mark at the end of all sentences(?),like...

David Mason said...

omg she IS the chicken lady. and eric I don't think they needed to credit that idea because everyone already knows that. It was legendary. It'd be like saying they need to credit a wizard of oz story, we all know it, why credit it ?

Malibu Eric said...

Serge is right! David, I guess I want him to receive credit so that the viewing children in the middle of the country who may not know the reference, will be intrigued to do some homework and find out more to be inspired from.

youreviltwin said...

Soooo I've never been into rpdr but I'm sick of feeling LEFT OUT so I'm watching. Btw, I ADORE your recaps and have for years. Your sociological/psychological read is GENIUS. I did 5 episodes tonight, starting on season4 because that's the earliest season available on Amazon prime. One of the pit crew totally looks like you with a crazy dark spray tan! Anyway, I know I'm several years late, but RPDR makes me think of you and miss you :-) -your pal Seth