Friday, May 4, 2012

I think I figured out a fundamental source of creativity and why creative types are bad/not interested in math or linear thinking.

I DISCOVERED THE CREATIVE BRAIN SOLVES PROBLEMS THROUGH PERSONAL REDESIGN and thats why we dislike "structure" and suck at math and team sports. Ok so I had a revelation. I figured out how my brain sorta works, well part of it at least. Ok so I realized at some point way way way back like when I was TWO or THREE, mind you this is all vague, that somewhere very deeply there was this shame in being corrected as a child. When I say being corrected I mean like your parent altering your course of decision making. For example taking your hand when you reached for something and saying "No, this, not this.". I think at that early stage of development it caused me to have shame about my personal decision making and created a personal and private and alternative and most importantly CREATIVE answer to whatever task or decision was at hand instead of choosing the direct or more obvious route. I can't say WHY or if its true BUT I feel like there was this unconscious voice that said I COULDNT choose the direct or obvious route so I became CREATIVE and would formulate an alternative, perhaps better, option to the obvious. I think over time this actually became the formula for my internal decision making, sense of self, and personal taste. I think its part of, not all of course, what made me creative and then became my identity and thus became what I perceived as "correct". The "alternative" became what felt "right" and what I was comfortable with as it what I understood. I can't say why I THINK I MAY have unconsciously felt like I COULDNT take a direct route to problem solving, but when as an infant what feels like an obvious route is corrected by others, this creates a sense of shame which causes some kind of "break" with the norm and causes you to have a detached sense of being from others which then causes you to become EVEN MORE creative and inward and thus cycle of creativity begins with this inward invisible voice that effects all decision making and becomes very personal and then creates a sense of identity. Could this be what "causes" homosexuality or is homosexuality the cause of this method of thinking? I think this explains why linear thinking was perceived as difficult by me as a child because if I was confronted with a task I wanted to take the task at hand, turn it upside down, cut it up, and reorganize the problem and solve the problem myself and if there was only one method of problem solving this cause almost what felt like "static" in my brain. Unfortunately I was unaware of what was really going on and I just thought I was "bad at math" which made me feel DUMB, but I actually think it was quite the opposite. I think I was actually just over thinking a simple process and it was difficult for me to imagine a process of problem solving which did not require REDESIGN TO SOLVE. I also wonder if that was why I didn't like team sports as a kid. It would make sense. Team sports, not individual sports so much as I like individual activities because they allowed ME to solve the set task, have very clear and defined rules and specific process of problem solving and this set structure would be rejected by me as I would see the reasoning invalid. The "correction" involved in practice was also very unappealing to me for the same reason. I mean it even explains why I (or other creative types) had issue with authority..."Don't tell me what to do I'll solve it myself thanks." It sorta explains the entire personality of "creative types" and why creative types like "creative" things or jobs or hobbies etc. For example the process of DESIGN IS or ALLOWS FOR multiple/alternative and PERSONAL answers, the obvious or "regular" is uninteresting or invalid and in need of correction. Now something interesting about this is that I think this is why creative types are/were poor at math and linear thought process decision making in general. Its because math is basically a GRID it does not have "alternative options" it cannot be restructured in a adolescents mind (Yes I know math on a very advanced level can be but that is something even I wouldn't know how to do and Im 37). So for someone who unconsciously seeks a personal and alternative method to problem solving to something that only has one or a direct route the simple problem actually becomes difficult and almost scrambled in the creative brain as the problem CANNOT be solved by an alternative option and this actually creates a mental blur and causes the person to almost feel confused or baffled when its not that they're bad at math its that their brain unconsciously is trying to solve a problem on a personal and alternative path and this cannot be done. It creates a "this does not compute moment" but its NOT that it doesn't compute its that its not able to be restructured or reorganized and therefore to the creative mind its basically INVALID. Its why just repeating the mathematic process doesn't work. Its not that the creative brain can't understand the steps to solve the problem its that the problem has SET UNWAIVERING STEPS to solve the problem and is not up for REDESIGN, and THE CREATIVE BRAINS SOLVES PROBLEMS BY REDESIGN. Its not a matter of not being able to answer the problem its that the creative brain is unconsciously trying to dissect and reorganize something that is basically not up for debate or restructuring. I wish my teacher just said to me "David, I know your brain is trying to reorganize this equation but the ENTIRE CONCEPT OF MATH is to NOT REDESIGN the problem, in fact its all about the OPPOSITE way you do things in your mind so do me a favor, DONT THINK, and just do what I SAY and TURN OFF your INNER REDESIGNER and just follow these SIMPLE STEPS and Its a BREEZE!" If I was made aware of how my brain was working and that it wasn't that my brain WASNT working but that I needed to get my brain UNWORKING and just FOLLOW DIRECTION I would have a completely different feeling about myself, and math, and structure in general. Its not the specific math problem, its the concept of math in general. The creative brain is developed around problem solving not linear thinking. The equation may be a PROBLEM but to get the correct answer its actually NOT problem solving AT ALL. To get the correct answer you simply follow a very linear and obvious path and what it requires is actually NOT thinking "outside the box" and just following a SET PATH, which is the exact OPPOSITE of problem solving or creativity. I seriously think this "static" that happens when a creative brain is forced to process a set linear task could even be a source of like dyslexia or other learning "disabilities". I was unaware that my mind is just unconsciously wired to rewrite a thought process. Its why I don't feel comfortable reading directions, math, following rules etc etc, I unconsciously prefer to create my own path. It all makes sense now. Its just weird that I feel like it may come from weird super early developmental conditioning and semi-strangely from shame. I don't really GET the shame part but I could feel it when I was thinking about it, like WHY could I not allow myself the direct route, maybe it was that I just ALWAYS was wired to choose an alternative path and actually had a strong sense of self even as an infant and I would have been fine making my own decisions but because I was constantly corrected I felt unconscious shame about my decision making which then of course makes you wonder if I was always a gay or that it was caused by this need for an alternative and not being able for whatever reason or not WANTING TO choose the most obvious (hetero) route... I dunno it gets VAGUE. My main point is that I DISCOVERED THE CREATIVE BRAIN SOLVES PROBLEMS THROUGH PERSONAL REDESIGN and thats why we aren't happy with "structure" or the stays quo. I can't say if its because the the brain was hard wired for personal problem solving or that the "right" process is forced and this feels shameful so a creative process becomes very personal and private and basically becomes the sense of self as well as the the unconscious process of decision making and a "creative" brain is born. That said I don't want people to think the creative brain is somehow shameful BUT I DO think there is this unconscious "private" feeling or "sense of individuality" creative types feel and it may be from this VERY early sense of shame from the "correction" of personal decisions made by parents BUT its also that shame that causes the creative process to become strong and personal so without it you wouldn't have a fully exercised brain and be what I like to think as more intelligent then a brain that cannot follow a creative path and has to follow a set path. That said brains that follow a set path aren't bad either, we all need accountants.

2 comments:

Zachariah said...

This reminded me of a really beautiful Mercedes ad I saw a while back about brain sidedness...

http://peteryee.my/graphics/uploads/mercedes_passion.jpg

Love the blog btw, I'm a huge fan.

Zachariah said...

This reminded me of a really beautiful Mercedes ad I saw a while back...

http://peteryee.my/graphics/uploads/mercedes_passion.jpg