Thursday, June 14, 2012

Its sad about Erik Rhodes...

There are a couple things I'll cover. Im not gonna rant or anything because I already did that when Roman Ragazzi killed himself and this sorta runs in very similar circles so I don't feel I need to. 1. I don't know how on Facebook people are saying they're shocked. He's been saying on his blog how he pretty much hates life and wants to die. Has for years. Been accomplishing it at a healthy pace for three years at least. I even wrote about it in 2008 and hoped he'd comment so I could engage with him. 2. People are ranting "Don't do steroids?!". He posted the amount of steroids he does.. its THIRTY, actually THIRTY not an exaggeration, of a "normal" cycle. Thirty times the amount of BLUEBERRIES you're supposed to eat could probably make you pretty damn sick. Not then any young adult needs them but steroids in a safe dosage can actually be good for you. Before you yell at me I do HALF that of a "normal" cycle meaning he did SIXTY times more then me. I can't imagine how he could even close his eyes, I go BONKERs on just half a normal dosage... 30 times... I can't even imagine... It says way more about ALL ADDICTIONS IN GENERAL then it does steroids. I mean its barely different then eating thirty times the amount of PIE one should eat, and I do that once in a blue moon so... I get what he's saying, Im not doing it mind you but i get it. I would have liked to have sat down and talked with him privately. 3. He als says how he INJECTS THREE TIMES the amount of meth a "normal" person would to get high?! I wouldn't even know where to start with that comment. From his blog : “Well to be honest i’m on steroid overload right now… (not thats its much different from normal, but i’m just more focused looking to attain a certain goal),” he wrote two months ago. “For the first couple months, really up until last week, after my break-up, (which i’m sick talking about) but my strange lifestyle right now seems to be a direct result of it, well, anyways i was abusing Meth… and i mean hard… and since i’m not small boy and i wanna feel my high… i was shooting up syringes full of the shit… .8 - .9… ask any meth head and they get retarded off .3… but i got myself to the point where if my high didn’t feel like a partial seizure i wasn’t happy with it.” 4. I dunno how you're supposed to help someone like that. I mean nobody can help anyone else totally, people have to do it themselves, but I mean if his behavior, blog, body ( I say body cause steroids is basically injecting yourself with armor and a HUG), wasn't a cry for help I dunno. Im sure many people did try and help but "you can lead a horse to water..." Its all very unfortunate. Im lucky I have friends that will punch me in the face and call me fat if I'm too self destructive. Im glad I don't have friends who do meth. I could be TOTALLY wrong but I feel like he probably didn't have too many people saying SOBER UP BITCH but maybe he did and maybe even if he did it wouldn't matter... I mean he was a LARGE dude, just a person that size alone would be hard to get them to do anything they didn't want to let alone getting them to beat an addiction. From what Ive been told he was funny and self deprecating. Im sorry for his family and friends and the anguish he felt.

10 comments:

Erik said...

I went sort of "gulp" when I saw the doses, they are gigantic... His life story would make a great movie, not in a sense "porn industry is EVIL" but with some real serious stuff in there.

Sue said...

I'm not jumping on this bandwagon that these steroid doses killed Erik. the LD50 in rats is 1 gram per kilogram. There is limited information on toxicity for chronic dosing in humans and animals and those toxicities would affect the liver, rather than the heart. Surely, Erik's lifestyle of drug & steroid abuse contributed to his demise, but you have also to consider that Erik was dealing with considerable depression. He was also clean and sober at the time of his death and seeing a therapist once a week. He was coping with one of the toughest careers around - being a sex worker. IMHO he more than likely died from a congenital heart anomaly that resulted in heart failure. I will wait for the autopsy results and respect the dead until then. Certainly this is a cautionary tale to all steroid and drug abusers though.

I only just met Erik at the Grabbys and I was totally awed by him. He was way too young to die. I hope he finds the peace he was searching for in life now.

http://suefairview.com/

David Mason said...

Thirty times the amount of steroids would kill a COW I imagine... I mean the amounts are bizarre. It was his choice of means for suicide for sure. Eating 30 banana creme pies would probably kill you.

Man-uel said...

I was shoked to hear about his death. Makes me think twice about starting a roid cycle....I wonder what's the normal amount for a beginner? It sucks that they took down his blogs, I only got a chance to read some of his sad recollects. RIP James/Erik

Stanimal5 said...

I'm not sure what normal doses of tren or deca are, but 3000mg test/week would be about 6 times a typical cycle, not 30. Even people on HRT get prescribed as much or more than 100mg a week.

Phillyguy said...

Despite being sober, I think the guy fried his brain. His life is a cautionary tale about what drugs can do to one's mental capacity. I mean so many people felt sorry for him on his blog and tumblr and yet he was vacationing in Milan and Paris in head to toe Valentino. Could it be that his life wasn't that bad, but he no longer had the ability to realize this very fact? As for the steroids . . . well, in his last few tumblr posts Erik mentioned his ex dating a puffy bodybuilder and Erik's response was "fine, but I'll show him what big really is."
Anyhow I'm always surprised when people whose looks and body would signify happiness for me, aren't terribly happy. I too hope he finds the peace he sought.

David Mason said...

Well I take 150mg test a week for my cycle and i put on about 18 pounds and I'm too bloaty, so what he was doing is about 30 times what I do.

Hrmmm. Just some thoughts...
Despite being sober???? - Published he did tons of meth
Vacationing in Milan?? - If vacationing = hooking
Head to Valentino??? - Valentino does not come in that size. He was like 50 lbs more then me and I couldn't even ever so...

Man-uel said...

TRUE THAT!!!

Phillyguy said...

Well, on his tumblr he posted a pic of four Valentino bags while on vacation and said he would be decked out in Valentino that night. He also wrote that he knew the image would get under some people's skin and that's exactly why he posted it.

Unknown said...

Thank you so much for this, David. You get to the heart of the matter. I wish more people were talking about THIS rather than just gawking at a high-profile death.

At last month's IML, I caught myself wishing that my arms would be an inch or two thicker—despite being in the best shape I'd been in years—perhaps the best ever at IML. But then, I realized it wouldn't make a difference whatsoever to my happiness—or even really, to my success at cruising IML. It was a lightbulb moment for me. I'd felt like I'd come home to myself with some true self-acceptance.

I hope the same for everyone.