Saturday, July 28, 2012

FLOP AND CIRCUMSTANCE!!!

That was THE WORST opening ceremonies I have EVER seen!! I was honestly expecting to feel CREATIVELY INFERIOR after watching this. I mean this is Great Britain home to MOST of the great clothing designers and a HUGE amount of talent in the arts...apparently none of them had the interest. That was a CRAPPY, SLOPPY, SHIT SHOW! I mean if you're going to do historical why do the shittiest costumes... why focus on SMOKE STACKS and SICK CHILDREN when you have knights in armor, mod (ok they sorta did mod but it sucked), punk, georgian, victorian.. blah blah and blah but they chose ABRAHAM LINCOLN VAMPIRE HUNTER and small children who STARE into the camera!?.... The fucking FRANKIE SAY RELAX shirt wasn't even how it used to look?!?!?!? WTF They sang "Hey Jude" at the end and NOBODY KNEW THE WORDS because they're all too young!?! The queen was BORED.(GASP! She did NOT just do that while the PEOPLE WHO PAY HER BILLS walked through the door?! THAT is the difference between Americans and British people! If The PRESIDENT or the FIRST LADY did that as America walked through the door the next day they would have to resign, all the nations of the world would say how horrible of a nation we are, and the Presidential Family including dogs, cats, goldfish, maids would be exiled to FRANCE) The royal family looked EMBARRASSED...and they were right!.... The production honestly was nothing, like it had zero focus or direction. I can't imagine how if you were watching it in the stadium there would actually be something to focus on? It was like just DECORATIVE CHAOS... The GARBAGE PARADE... The FOOD COURT AT THE MALL WITH SUFFRAGETTES. If I had paid a thousand dollars for those tickets I would have been PISSED. Imagine watching it as a spectator in the arena?!? That weird baby BOILING IN A SHALLOW PAN?! It would have been AWFUL!!!!!!???? If you handed me, and six of my friends a sparkler and 75$ Im willing to bet we'd give you something to remember... This CAVALCADE OF CRAP did NOT... They picked up the set while you WATCHED?!?! Like was that pastoral scene so imperative it was worth watching them pick it apart and take it away while they came in with an even more uninteresting set??? You know what?, I TAKE IT ALL BACK!... THE QUEEN WAS RIGHT!?! Why is the FUTURE or "modern" always MIXED RACE?! People have been around for THOUSANDS of years and we still look the same. Why is the future always FUNKY and about a girl that looks like she works at the SWATCH counter?, and no matter what race she is she has an afro!! .....ALWAYS!!!! Japanese... Afro... Latin ... Afro.. The only hair in the future is an AFRO or if you're white you can have CORN ROWS but BLACK HAIR is the only hair in the future apparently... Sign me up for the FLAT TOP FADE... VERY CONTEMPORARY! The UK should be BASHED for this. They're clearly doing all of this just for the money but then weren't even willing to spread for a show despite being one of the wealthiest nations in the world!? Im actually GLAD this happened because now for the rest of my life I can hold my head up high, ABOVE the british, and If any brit has comment I can say "I REMEMBER 2012!" and if they have any self respect and honor and honesty about them they'll crawl under that MINIATURE GOLF MOUND they built in the stadium and HIDE LIKE A HOBBIT. In the parade of nations we all picked different nations, before seeing them come out, to have as our personal sex slaves... I chose Cuba and Lebanon.... BAD INVESTMENT!!! Italy was the top pick. I was sad to find out that Im a dinosaur and that France and the United States don't make people in white anymore. Beige is trending, the future is funky. Maybe I can crimp my hair and get a job at the Swatch counter.
That said I thought the torch was well done and beautiful but it seemed like it was designed by a completely different team of art directors. Also! Where was GINGER SPICE?! I mean it was VERY clear Paul McCartney is not relevant to people today, and he looked WEIRD, why get SOME work done but not finish it? He was SEMI TRANS in a NON DELIBERATE way so it was CREEPY and he sounded so bad EVEN HE LAUGHED?! Nobody knew the words besides the American kids and they were just hamming it up for the basketball players who were filming them with their iPhones so they could do pre-selects for the post game gang bang/rape. JUST KIDDING! I'll admit THAT was a TOTALLY racist joke... but MOST of you laughed and Kobe totally looked like he was PICKING OUT LOBSTERS even though I think that white girl lied, so stop yelling at me!

17 comments:

Zee Jai said...

On the positive side it celebrated interracial Britain, something America could - or would - never do. The little love story between the black boy and the mixed race girl was lovely.

The Royal Family looked bored because they're inbred freaks, and weren't the sole focus of attention.

ka-os.blogspot.com

M said...

Yes, thank you and bless this post. Someone on tumblr was saying this looked like a show designed especially fo the British tumblr fandoms, and yes I agree. It looked like a show for children, undemanding children who've never seen anything better, NOT for discerning adults. The Voldemort thingy was so ugly to look at, everything was ugly. And Hey Jude, really? A weepy to close off the cerimony?

David Mason said...

Zee Jai, I halfway agree with you. I think the concept was nice and sweet to see BUT I think saying that America would never celebrate interracial America is just not true. I think every American Olympics celebrates many aspects of American culture tremendously AND don't think Britain is celebrating its mix of races, its sort of appeasing them. Granted two kids of african heritage pose no threat or worry, but the Brits have a culture war going on and its awkward and uncomfortable, as well as France and most of Europe because what do you with cultures that come into your nation and don't mix but actually become MORE isolated and extreme and unfriendly. I will sound so conservative over this but I think you shouldn't move to another nation and NOT MIX and NOT adapt to the culture , its rude and Ive experienced it first hand, if I smile at you smile back, simple rule.

Sue said...

Gee, I missed it. Guess I won't make the effort to see it. I must say, I don't miss my tv set that much!

http://suefairview.com/

Corey Kelly said...

David, I have to agree with Zee Jai regarding various ethnicities represented in the Opening Ceremony. I was ACTUALLY truly surprised to see a lot of people of color represented in London's Opening Ceremony. I wasn't expecting to see a love story revolving around two young black characters. When I picture the British Isles I don't think of black people and I thought it was refreshing to see the unexpected. I mean, you have to give credit where it's due. There may be class and culture wars happening in London and the UK as a whole, but the truth is that there's always going to be black people, interracial people, etc, especially in this day in age. And London is pretty diverse. They need to recognize this which is what they did during the ceremony.

Now regarding the Opening Ceremony as a whole, I was a tad disappointed because it's London for crying out loud. London is supposedly one of the greatest cities in the world and I expected them to go all out. But, it was kind of wamp wamp. Yeah, it was elaborate and the set was amazing, but most opening ceremony sets are amazing and elaborate. But, truth be told, I was expecting something more grand and innovative. Like, Beijing slayed the bitches in 2008. That was outstanding. I don't even think outstanding is a good enough world for their opening ceremony--that's how good it was. I mean, even Atlanta's was amazing. But, London got lazy. I believe if the Olympics came to NYC they would have had a better opening ceremony. As much as I hate the big cock confidence of NYC, I do think NYC would have tried to slay the bitches like Beijing did 4 years before.

David Mason said...

Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute ! How did this get to be a discussion about two black kids kissing?! i never even mentioned them, nor had issue or even thought twice. So Corey, I think you're off kilter here in your thinking of what I'm thinking. Its not an argument or an issue about them at all.
ALSO I want to mention that I never explained why I got into Englands weird race issue. I brought it up because Zee Jay said America wouldn't do a story involving two "different" races, where I think they would. People love to say America is racist, and like every single country in the world IT IS. BUT its also NOT and the only reason why people in America think europeans aren't racist is because they don't have other races mingling in their countries much so they don't have to deal with a racial clash on the same turf- the people just don't live there, so theres no clash ...until fairly recently, its NOT because they're more sophisticated. IN FACT they're WAY WAY WORSE then Americans about race. Americans have hundreds of years of commingling, cultural blending etc etc. AMERICA is FIERCE because of the mix, if it wasn't it'd just be Canada and nobody really ever talks about Canadian Culture. Europe is WAY more racist and they're about to have a RACE WAR there because its so segregated because each nation is so small, and so specific that they each have their own language etc etc and if you are not from there and you do not BLEND people tend to become EVEN MORE isolated and extreme in their beliefs as opposed to what happens in America where people move here and if you don't blend in you're not gonna have a good time, where I feel in Europe or England they're not as confrontational so you end up getting cultures living side by side not liking one another and not talking. In New York if you're weird a puerto rican teenage will scream it at you and you'll sort it out. America doesn't stand for tryory and has a big mouth, which I LOVE. Were open to new stuff and were nice but were also VOCAL. Don't move here and just act like you're in whatever country you came from, we find it CUTE for like 8 minutes and then RUDE and if you continue doing it you'll get beat up, made fun of or pointed at at the grocery store and how can you argue it?? Life here is kinda fierce so why be an uptight twat?!
Wait why am I now talking about Anglo/Euro/American race issues?! I really don't care!! Im going to eat breakfast Corey and if you bothered to answer my text you'd know Im hungry!!!
So to make myself clear I was just trying to say don't knock America for being Racist were the most open culture in the world about race... just wait till you see what happens in Europe in the future! I mean you don't have to look to far back to see what happens in Europe they've already had like three genocides in the past 100 years....

Damien said...

As I tweeted....

Sarah Brightman.
Shirley Bassey.
Russell Watson.
Susan Boyle.
Robbie Williams.
Adele.

They couldn't get THESE people to perform for fuck sake?

And yeah - Poor QEII looked SOOOO disappointed.

Lucien said...

I say BRAVO Dave - Your commentary here was even much more fun that this opening ceremony,
It was a total typcial English BOORISH bit of sound and fury

Phillyguy said...

David, I don't always agree with you but as the British would say, "You are spot on." The ceremony was so bad that I changed the channel halfway thru to watch 20/20. Mr. Bean's feigned boredom pretty much summed it up. Why in the world were they showing rugby scenes during the sleepy agrarian opening? Industrial revolution yes, but no British Imperialism? The ceremony was FLAT and left me longing for the Los Angeles 1984 opening ceremony!

Jimbo said...

You know. earlier this week, when word first leaked out that The Opening Ceremonies were going to include an army of Mary Poppinses flying into the stadium to vanquish a 100' tall Voldemort puppet which would be menacing a phalanx of singing & dancing yet nonetheless bedridden, sickly urchins, I - of course - made the perfectly reasonable assumption that they were kidding. Or that they were deliberately putting out misleading press releases in order to keep the actual ceremony's activities a secret.

Silly Me.

Meanwhile, I have to say that I was a little surprised by how... undignified The Queen's entrance was. I mean, the copter ride to the stadium with 007 was one thing - fine - but to afford a live, international audience a view of Her Majesty's knickers (or even an obvious surrogate's knickers, in this case) was rather shocking to me. To say nothing of the fact that on old lady in an evening gown just looks stupid dangling from a parachute that way. I know she's rumored to have a wicked sense of humor but I was unaware that it extended to displays such as that.

Pick said...

The Queen looked like she was thinking, "God, Save the Queen!" and get me the Hell out of here. At times like this I bet she'd like to hand the damn throne over to Chucky boy.

Great review of an embarrassing fiasco.

Zee Jai said...

@Corey - You'd be surprised how diverse the UK is, and London in particular. The Games are being hosted in east London, one of London's most multicultural boroughs, so the little love story between the kids (and the fact the girl's father was black and mother white) was totally appropriate and not forced or shoehorned in as some people believe. That is what London looks like.

@David - Gosh, I don't think America is any more racist than the UK, but when it comes to interracial relationships, we're well ahead of the game...

David Mason said...

FIASCO... yes! Thats a word I should have used.

Will said...

I'm with Zee Jai on this. The multiracial love story was absolutely fine and actually fitting for this part of London. I think those kids did a good job.

Granted the use of Paul McCartney was a fail moment. Hey Jude, if is going to be sung, is more of a closing ceremony song. I love that Emeli Sandé sang Abide With Me, she is a better representation of the new wave of musicians coming out of these isles.

Bear in mind that there were 15,000 volunteers involved in the show and it had to be accessible to a wide audience was well as those involved.

Overall, it was a pretty good show and the references liberally spread among the proceeding spoke directly to Brits.

David Mason said...

Every opening ceremony has to speak to a large audience and there is no reason for London which may be the wealthiest city in the world to have 15,000 volunteers, seeming on stage. It was awful. Not even a show, chaos, no direction what so ever. I hate even thinking about it. As a creative person I get very frustrated that millions of dollars are put into something and, the opening ceremonies is basically the biggest show for the entire world and this is what you get. This was NOT GOOD it was sub par broadway level theatrics. London is SUPER ADVANCED and MAYBE has the most or at least MANY creative people in the world in it. The ceremonies usually feature amazing new technologies, amazing elements of cooperation and skill. This showed very little of any of that.

Will said...

Well (and without intending to be at all rude), what would you have done? Not trying to sound like a complete tool but my opinion is that the best criticism comes with a dose of construction. I've been reading your blog for some time and think you're aesthetic is killer :D

orlando said...

The is one of the funniest posts you have ever written!!!