Monday, August 13, 2012

Interesting thing.... and I sorta feel bad but I guess I shouldn't.

Ok I have not hooked up much this entire spring/summer. Like I could count my hook ups in the past six months on one hand I think. Which is low for a gay male in his thirties living in Manhattan. I was gonna hook up with this guy I saw on scruff. Very sexy looking to me. He had a very nice tapered waist, hairy chest and a great mustache. Im very particular about mustaches and he had a very good one... stress HAD. He texts me today asking if I wanna hook up. Im halfsies on it as Im honestly very tired because Im working out twice a day and not eating much because I wanna loose weight. He's also a BOTTOM.. lol... which is something NOBODY NEEDS. I mean WERE ALL BOTTOMS when it comes down to it I think. I mean MAYBE 20% is top only but Id bet its more like 5-10% once you cut out people who just don't fuck at all so they call themselves a top even though they're not active etc etc etc... Well heres the thing. He texts me tells me tonight is his last night before his family arrives and sends a pic and there is NO MUSTACHE. So Im like "FUCK?!" Now mind you he's very good looking but its just not clicking any triggers in me without the stache. Which is funny because I never considered that. Does that mean I just wanted to have sex with his mustache?! Cause without the stache theres no interest. It'd be like Dolly Parton saying "Yes Ill fuck you but I wanna take my boobs off" you'd just be like "Ummm errr uhhh, umm." and you see thats sorta really fucked up because this clearly means I was not interested in having sex with this PERSON at all, but just interested in a fetishistic scenario, which normally would be great but I don't think he saw it that way so I feel bad for what he doesn't know. So I text the guy and tell him I won't be able to make the hook up tonight and he writes me back saying "Thanks for getting back to me, you're considerate and sexy and thats rare." and I say "Have fun with your family visiting" and he says "stop saying things that make me like you more" and now I feel bad :( He's probably a totally nice guy who's sexy and because I have these weird hang ups I'm not allowing myself to enjoy time with him. It makes me anxious because what if I start dating someone who has something I like and then its gone and I left with zero fetish factor? I hope that doesn't happen. I hope Im bigger then that. Well its my loss but its interesting how you can miss out on things in life because of weird semiconscious things going on in your head. Its sorta proof that YOU are really responsible for your own happiness. See its my fault I have these fetishistic particularities and because of them Im missing out but I also don't wanna hook up with someone who doesn't spark anything inside of me. I think thats fair, and I'll work on broadening my interests.

6 comments:

Jim said...

I may be wrong but isn't the point of a hook-up (vs. a relationship) is that it should be fun with no-strings and allows us to be a bit picky about more superficial things.
If you were looking for a relationship you'd be looking past things like facial hair and eye color and you'd see the entire person.
So go easier on yourself :)

serge said...

mustaches grow back...

Oaklandtickles said...

I wonder if he reads your blog?

David Mason said...

I doubt it and the thing is this. I spoke about it briefly with a friend and he was right. You don't acquire this thing that brings you power and draw and then remove it and expect the same results. Its that simple.

Ryan Wills said...

I'm saying u have every right to not be into him. hook ups are primarily based on looks and the chemistry those looks can generate. sometimes the bf will try a look that I might not be into but I can get into him because I love him.


There's a difference. There's a difference.

Lucien said...

You are so good to share your inner thoughts - Someone very special will come along and understand each and every nuance of you