Thursday, September 6, 2012
Would you ever do a gay cruise?? I just did the Atlantis Celebrity Equinox tour.
Im genuinely having a hard time describing what the gay cruise I went on was like. Most of my friends thought they would feel claustrophobic or overwhelmed by the gays but I honestly can say you don't seem to feel that at all but you certainly do feel SOMETHING and, for me at least, its very hard to pin down. The first few days I did have this mild feeling of "Im not enjoying this and would leave if I could." and most of my friends felt the same way. Why did we feel this? I think it was simply because it was new and none of us "got it". You see I can say for sure there is one thing about the cruise that was hard for me. On the ship "FIERCE", something that is very important to me as it means the lust for life, does NOT EXIST. Neither does "cunt" or "rad" or "major" or even a GAG. So for me I felt like it was purgatory. In the beginning I was just unhappy and bored. It felt unsocial and mediocre and I felt semi trapped but only trapped because I wasn't feeling interested. This is going to sound rotten, because it IS kinda rotten, but its a lesson I guess I needed to learn. You see I think I was feeling sorta bored on the ship because I sorta felt like "WHY BOTHER". The reason why I was feeling that is because you see the ship is open to ANYONE, so long as you have 3,500 to pay for the ticket. Now thats not so bad but what you don't realize is in your life you make A LOT of personal choices. You go to your own retail stores, your gym of choice, your grocery store of choice, etc. Now on the ship this is NOT the case. Everyone shares everything. It sorta like being in functioning communism. I don't even know if this is an accurate description to be honest but its the best I can do. You see I trained before this cruise pretty hard as you can see in the pic of my Roman costume. I did this because I assumed everyone else was as well. My previous vacations were Madrid Pride, Barcelona circuit Week, La in general... They are all VERY BODY ODY ODY oriented. I trained like it was the Olympics only to show up and realize I was training for the SPECIAL OLYMPICS!... Oh that is ROTTEN!!! and Im totally kidding and I DO realize I will VERY SOON be one of these people who "don't bother" and these people who don't bother are probably HAPPIER and SMARTER then me but just understand this is where I was coming from. Im not saying where I was coming from was RIGHT, Im just saying thats where I was coming from, so to show up and have the average age be 52 I was little let down. Which is weird as I like older guys but I sorta felt like I couldn't share with people, at first. Something I realized that was interesting was that I actually found a few older guys really hot but they assumed I never would which is funny cause if they did know they woulda had a good time! So if you're older don't assume younger guys aren't into you!!! Oh and in case you're wondering yes everyone hooks up on the ship but my roommate and I did NOT. I fucked one guy ONCE and didn't even cum and that was IT. I felt lucky though as the guy was actually a guy in my "oily greasy tops" picture folder so Id thought he was sexy for years. Unfortunately the "TOP" part was wishful thinking but I was just glad he liked me so I was happy to be the top and SPIT ON HIM AND FUCKED HIM TO BE NICE :) Now whats funny is if I was on the ship and it was all hot young guys I think I would like it LESS. You see this was the Mediterranean cruise which is more "upscale" which means the crowd is richer and thus older. I prefer this to some skanky, young, tweaked out, crowd which thoughtlessly hands over money to the Caribbean, a place that loathes existence of gays in general, so I refuse to support them in any way. Nobody died on our cruise as opposed top the Allure of the Seas Caribbean cruise where I think three/four people died last winter? I could be wrong. SO anyways my friends and I were sorta like "Why are we even here? This is not for us." Im not crazy about feeling "middle of the road" and I think just because this is basically an entire community forced to work together floating from one island to another everything has to be targeted to the middle. As someone from NYC I felt like that people from the coasts might feel a little left out. Thank god Jackie Beat was on board because otherwise I really would have felt that there was nothing for "us" on board. The comedy acts were fine but there is nothing less funny to me then comedy so I avoided those acts. Alec Mapa was one of the comedians and Im sure he is a nice person but nice doesn't make for interest on my part. I didn't need to feel "Oh, thats so true about normalness?!" OH, WAIT!!! I FIGURED IT OUT!!!! This cruise is an opportunity for people to live like I do?!?!? I live in a very gay neighborhood, go to a predominantly gay gym, and hang out with trannys in clubs and socialize... YES... Thats it!!! This cruise is an opportunity for people who may not be so socially experienced to safely live in a world where everyone is gay. Yes!, thats it, and thats why I was just sorta sitting there looking at my watch. Its because Im on this "cruise" in my ACTUAL life. Huh, yes and thats why I think it seemed so exciting for some of these older gents and small town types. Im NOT judging mind you, I TOTALLY get it. Ive been one of those people. The first time I ever saw a drag queen I ASKED FOR HER AUTOGRAPH, so I know what its like to be enamored simply by GAYNESS EXISTING AROUND YOU. Im also sure for a lot of these guys they didn't get to experience "gayness" in such a saturated manner before so, OK now I totally get it. I mean of course this all makes total sense now and I knew it before but when you're experiencing it first hand your left sitting there wondering "why is this not killing me?" Riddle solved. So after a few days you realize you just have to make your own fun and buy a FEZ at the Turkish Bazaar like a DUMB CLOWN and run around on the deck in it.
Posted by David Mason at 3:42 PM