Wednesday, October 17, 2012

From Wendys to Fendis and back again! I went X-mas ornament shopping at Bergdorfs with Rupaul!

So I was SUPER excited that Rupaul said yes when I asked her If she'd go ornament shopping with me at Bergdorfs(f?) (Is it two f's ? I dunno) Id really never been as Im not rich and Bergdorfs is a ladies store so I just look at the windows at Xmas and then walk to Niketown. (Notice I didn't say Im not a lady) I didn't realize they had an x-mas shop inside so I thought it would be fun to see what a store like Bergdorfs sells for X-mas. Well its just what you'd think, expensive shit. It was cute though and I bought a glittery lollipop and a sparkly ice cream cone. Which is what we had growing up on our tree so I am partial to them.
Before meeting Ru I stopped at Wendys to have "The son of the Baconater" it was the first time Id had fast food in a while. I met Ru at the Apple store and she introduced me to the head of a make up company (maybe the worlds biggest?) which I thought was fierce because it looked like Ru was being questioned for SHOP LIFTING so I PRETENDED NOT TO KNOW HER... but she SPOOKED ME and I had to say hi :( Just kidding! but we bailed and we headed to Bergdorfs, it was fun. There was a crazy lady who was dressed like it was the 40s carrying an EMPTY Bergdorfs bag:( Ru gave her a well deserved compliment, as he does to strangers who have fierce styling which I totally admire in a person because Im totally afraid to give strangers compliments myself but always want to. (I tried once and the lady sneered at me.) Anyway as the lady spoke she betrayed herself and you realized she was not some uber wealthy UES lady but a CRAZY LADY from QUEENs with her accent, but no matter both are fierce. I asked Ru "Is that lady..." before I could finish she said "STEALING?.. yes." I giggled hard. We left Bergdorfs and went shopping at other stores whislt talking about spiritual enlightenment and stuff. Its what we mainly talk about believe it or not. Ru tried on a fur at Fendis but I thought it was shotty as the pelts didn't match. We went to Versace which was fun. How does that store stay open? It must just hemmorage so much dough?! There was NOBODY in there, although enough Versace perfume was sprayed to make the store "FEEL FULL", but nobody was coming any time soon. Not even Giannis ghost for a Halloween Special. I like the Versace home stuff though a lot. Its actually beautiful and fun, but where the hell are you gonna put it and a 450$ pillow is a lot of money to spend on a GAG ITEM.
(Here Ru and I posed for paparazzi. Well a reasonable facsimile there of, she took the pic! You can tell by the HIGH ANGLE DOWN. Im 6 3" I don't think Ive ever had my picture taken from above, unless I was on my knees, and I don't share those pictures. I didn't wanna ask Ru for a picture because I think its weird to be new friends with someone who's famous and ask for a picture but I promise Im not lying! I just didn't wanna be weird. I have other friends who are "famous" and I don't take pics cause when you hang out with them you realize thats all that people want is a little piece and as a friend I try and let them know I recognize what a pain it is to be asked for pictures non stop by NOT ASKING. I mean I know they LIVE FOR IT, as I DO, but with our friends you wanna be chill and not think that a camera is gonna pop out at any moment.) We then went to Saks and looked at ladies shoes which was fun. We ate there and our waiter was a noobie to NYC and showed Ru his drag pics and said Ru was the inspiration for him leaving Mobile Alabama?! This would make me anxious if I was Ru. His drag personal was surprisingly Jersey which was nice. Like I feel her name should have been BEBE NEWARK or something. After five hours of shopping it was time to go to the gym, or so I THOUGHT. I said "BYE, PRETTY WHITE LADY" to Ru and headed to the gym carrying my Bergdorfs bag thinking I was the the shit! Well then I SHARTED!, and GOD LAUGHED! FUCKING WENDYS! OMG that had happened to me ONCE so now I was NO LONGER going to the gym and walked down TENTH AVENUE as not to be seen cause I was SURE I just sharted. I got home and THANK GOD it was a false alarm. God is funny, he makes fun of me all the time. Usually when I think I'm the shit, and god goes "Oh really bitch... ZAP!...NOW you are the shit." The last time something like this happened was in BULGARIA filming CONAN and I had my iPhone tucked into my GAUNTLET and we all had to run down this hill like we were attacking slave traders and out of nowhere I hear "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN" BAFFLED, I looked left and right and as the UBER HOMOPHOBIC CAST MEMEBERS slowly backed away I realized it was ME and GOD SOMEHOW MANAGED to not only turn on the music but to select GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN and PRESS PLAY! It was my Karma for not being out I guess. Its not like I said I was straight, I just didn't "act" gay cause everyone was saying "faggot this, and homo that" I shoulda just told them to eat a dick and if they had a problem they could fight me. I woulda won I was the most muscular person on that set INCLUDING CONAN who was a BLOB at that point because his MONES wore off and it was the last week of shooting. I didn't make a peep though cause I was not about to make waves and make my friend who graciously got me the job for fun look bad, but UGH... If i ever see that CUNT TARD again I CANNOT WAIT to congratulate him on the OVERWHELMING SUCCESS of his foray onto the SILVER SCREEN! How did an article on shopping with Rupaul turn into a ragefest on an actor who's name I cannot remember for the life of me. and for that lack of memory THANK YOU GOD! :) and Thank you RU!


Mathias N Oz said...

Thank you, I needed that!

Jim said...

LOL! Well told & well done :) Many of the boutique stores on Fifth Ave. lose money but they have to be there to have a presence (re: Versace) but they are fun to browse in. Learned a new word, LOL, I'll let you guess which one! :)

Jim said...

P.S. Fantastic title for the post BTW!

Anonymous said...

blog posts are like conversations. One minute it is Rupaul and Shopping the next sharting and unmemorable actors. Oh what an adventure. I heard this saying once, "man makes plans, God luaghs."