Saturday, December 15, 2012

Jealousy is a cunt, so dump her.

Jealousy and rage I think are the two greatest negative motivating factors in most people, in my current experience. This piece is about jealousy, rage Ive written enough about already, and how Ive come to greater understanding and happiness by looking inward and making efforts to change negative decision making.. AKA How I stopped being a jealous twat.. What motivated me to write this piece is that I went shopping with my friend Bradford today, well he shopped and I watched actually. Some of you may know Bradford as he is the great creative force/ taste level behind Fab.com. Ive known Bradford for a couple years now and we became fast friends and very close I feel. I feel like Im one of the few people that can actually tell him "Those jeans make you look fat, like fatter then you already are, like your ass looks like a SCHOOL BUS CRASHED INTO A PREGNANT RHINOCEROS." and if you knew Bradford he is the man who has everything, but this advice is something HE CAN USE. I think when you have so many people taking your orders its important to have someone you can trust that will tell you the truth, good or bad, and I think Im pretty good erring slightly on sensible which is hard for him sometimes. I know even in my own little bubble that being my own boss can tend to make me a douche once in a while because Im so used to telling people what to do, and never being told what to do. So I actually appreciate a good "read" from a friend. Ive mentioned him on the blog a few times here and there and I feel we have really been beneficial to one another and our lives are actually better because each of us are in them. In the time that Ive known Bradford he's gone from "normal" to "wealthy", well at least compared to most of my friends and myself. Bradfords success has been hard for some people. I can't blame them, its hard to see someone buy three Warhols, a pile of Prada shoes, and a new apartment and post it on Facebook all in one month when you work your ass off in a homeless shelter, but the fact is a lot of people roll their eyes and I feel this jealousy is a deceptively self destructive emotion FOR THEM.
(Here Bradford rolls around on the ground like a legless child in the Prada store buying so many things he's not sure if the things he wants are even items that are supposed to be for sale or simply for display.) BELIEVE ME, I roll my eyes at Bradford all the time and even for me, one of his better friends, when he first came into great success I was a little like "Well fuck, what hell am I supposed to do?!". This is all about my own insecurity and jealousy of course. Whats funny is his success has really forced me to seriously reflect on my own jealousies, and competitive nature, and Im really happy now that we experienced all these emotions together. Its hard to imagine but his success has made me a better person. Why? Because it forced me to look deeper into myself and what motivates me and to come to terms with issues I would not have faced if bradford didn't accomplish such success. As I sat there at Prada on Broadway and sipped my complimentary sparkling water whilst watching Bradford command a staff of six to assemble his GIFT PILE I thought "There was a time when this might have been hard to watch." and I thought how some of my friends would not be able to tolerate it now even. I wondered what did I change in my life that Im sitting here having a great time as he has a ball spending himself sick? What did I change in my life for the better that I no longer harbor toxic jealousy? Well I realized I genuinely am pleased for his success and because of that it works out great for both of us. But how did I get to this place? Jealousy is a shady character and not at all what it appears to be on the surface. Im really happy to share this with you because Im really happy I came to this understanding, its only taken a life time. Im a slow learner and came from a home where I had one sister and one parent which can make for an extremely competitive/ jealousy plagued environment. You see I was sitting there thinking about "Why specifically is jealousy bad, and why is it such a pervasive "go-to" mechanism despite the fact that we all know its a shitty, low functioning maneuver with no seemingly positive outcome?" The only positive I can think of that comes from jealousy might be drive, its not the best form of drive perhaps, but it could motivate you to chase after a wooly mammoth if you're starving. Its not an enlightened mechanism, but it does has evolutionary purpose I guess. So after giving it a second of thought I realized that the original spark of jealousy is the first step in going "wrong". JEALOUSY IS BASICALLY A LIE YOU TRY AND GET YOURSELF TO BELIEVE. You instantly lie to yourself in order to salve the real feeling you're experiencing, perhaps unconsciously, as its much easier to feel hate or anger etc then it is to feel inadequate as inadequacy is YOUR PROBLEM and tricking yourself into believe you hate/can't stand/whatever jealous lie you can come up with is a fault on their part and thus THEIR problem. So the initial spark is already a fuck over and a lie to yourself, and anyone else who is willing to listen, but sure go ahead and try and trick yourself into believing it. The OTHER funny thing is this. I feel like when you express jealousy that god/karma/your unconscious/ whatever you wanna call it says "Oh... You think that their looks/wealth/brains/talent/success aren't all that??.. WELL THEN I WILL BE SURE YOU NEVER HAVE TO EXPERIENCE IT!" Jealousy is a self fulfilling curse! Wish the best for your friends and others, its like WITCH POWERS. It magically brings the best to you and bring out the best in you...

2 comments:

Rico said...

I see wealth everyday. I am surrounded by Mc Mansions and conspicuous consumption. At my age, if I cannot live on what I receive on Social Security and a pension ( I know they are extinct now), then I am being greedy. I think about when I am on my deathbed, if I am going to think about money I made and things I bought or remember times with loved ones and my dog? I think it will be about people and pets that I have met, not bargains and my comme de garcon rags.

James said...

Jealousy isn't even useful for drive. If you go out and succeed because you're driven to it by seeing people better off than you are, the best you can hope for is to be more successful but still jealous because there is always going to be someone more wealthy/pretty/talented than wherever you've got to, so emotionally you get nowhere.