Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Rupauls Drag Race Season 5 episode 6 review

Ok TIME WARNER fucked all the gays over in NYC and did this error that made it so everyone missed recording the episode. So we all missed the first 15 minutes, so we missed the mini challenge so this is a slightly abbreviated review. Dear Miss Coco Montrese, if you are going to wear a "nude illusion" spandex bodysuit you MAY want to have it be the same color "NUDE" you are... otherwise instead of walking for the "Best of Body" category you're walking for "BUFFALO BILL Realness" ... but what do I know about spandex bodysuits?! Dear public, please take note of Deetoxes nails. They're ALWAYS GOOD. Last episode they were a shade Ill call TURAQUA and this episode they were NEW WAVE LAVENDER. Of course we all loved her dress as well and she somehow escaped the eye roll I usually give for "fetish" looks cause I'm so over them when they're not new, but somehow this worked. (I think it may have been the Pointer Sisters reaction) If you don't know what Im talking about regarding CLUNKY TIRED FETISH LOOKS watch the "Too Funky" video. Basically every look in that video is ON POINT (literally) and FETISHISTIC but the OBVIOUS fetishy one worn by ESTELLE at 2:33 is SO CLUNKY AND CHEAP it delegitimizes the other AMAZING looks... ALMOST... Thank god Muglers looks are so strong were not going to be swayed by one cheap looking piece. I still have NO IDEA why that look, or SHE, was in the video. Im a fan of Roxxy. Im not a HUGE fan, yet, but I'm a fan. She gets proportions right and by making that hair gigantic when she serves body she looks CORRECT and SEXY. She nailed the runway challenge. I was kinda EXCITED by it?! I think she's gonna win this thing actually, they haven't had a "plus size" (mini-gasp) OR a "latina" win yet. I so wish Ivy was smart. Ivy has such a great face and has creative abilities but I just feel like shed make an amazing BABYSITTER, but doesn't have a strong or SHARP enough personality for RPDR. She's the tranny at the party you go up and talk to cause her face is awesome and you hope she's gonna love Grace, because her face IS Grace, but then she's says "WHOS GRACE JONES?" so you back away and hide behind ROXXYS WIG. Im pretty sure she's getting the HI-YA next week. Allysa I like. I know she's a little shady, but I dunno, I like her face and the DAD video was pretty major. ALL OF US wish for that and Im glad they showed it on tv, though it really has nothing to do with the competition and is just GOOD TV. I mean this season they've really taken the BEST PARTS of all other shows and FRANKENTRANNIED them into ONE GREAT SHOW. This show is without a doubt the most important show on tv for the progress of gay culture. Simply by letting people know THERE IS A GAY CULTURE and that we MAY be human beings as well! Ok now I have to address a certain issue that I haven't mentioned yet. A lot of people have mentioned to me how they're disappointed with this seasons casting because they feel the contestants aren't strong enough. I agree with them BUT Ive also always wished there WASNT a clear STAND OUT because it sorta ruins the mystery BUT I can understand what they're saying. I do feel this season is the most "green". I worry, I don't wanna say it, but I'm gonna say it, are we getting BORED OF THE FORMAT OF CONTESTANTS? IM NOT, but what I do think they MIGHT wanna try and do, and I know its hard because of working papers, but it would make a HUGE DIFFERENCE so I think they should do it, is open the spectrum of queens to THE PLANET. There are SO MANY amazing queens out there, the money they could win is worth it, the publicity alone is worth it, and I think the world would LOVE to see them and it would bring something FRESH to the show because PUERTO RICO is NOT cutting it as "FOREIGN" anymore. In fact I DO NOT WANNA SEE ANOTHER PUERTO RICAN TRANNY IM AM SO TIRED OF THAT ENTRY LEVEL "ME NO SPEAKY" bullcrap. Actually I take it back, I should say I don't wanna see another STUPID Puerto Rican Tranny, because I think Nina Flowers was actually pretty smart and talented and Im sure there are other clever ones out there. This last one I hated so much omg Im still so angry that she was so ignorant, NO CAMERA TIME FOR DUMMIES! I know you're gonna say "but stupid can be funny" but people who are stupid and funny are STUPID LIKE A FOX, they know what they're doing, this one was just STUPID like a STUMP. (Sorry the reason why I am so anti Puerto Rican tranny is I feel they delegitimize and cheapen the show, we've seen the SCHTICK which actually WAS cute ONCE, and the show is smarter then that/them) Get DALLAS DELLAFORCE from Australia, get Uriel Yekutiel from Israel ... There has to be some INSANE KRAUT TRANNY from the BLACK FORREST we'd all love to love?! Get this filipino DOOMER .. I dunno MAYBE ITS ME?! Maybe Im just sorta JADED???... Oh Jade... poor jade...I liked her kinda... Jade just wasn't cut out for this, WHO PUTS AN EXTENSION COMING OUT OF A BOOB?! I just imagine Jades mom listed "DOING ACID" as a HOBBY in the personal ad she placed in HIGH TIMES where she met Jades dad. Jades MACARONI ART STYLING was not the right fit for RPDR but she would SPARKLE in a DOUG HENNING MAGIC SHOW!

3 comments:

Sue said...

Classic line:

"...but what do I know about spandex?"

BTW Dave. I entered a self portrait photo contest and would love your opinion on it [I am nude]. See my entry here:

http://suefairview.com/2013/03/04/time-vote-favourite/

RJ said...

As always on top of it. Love the recaps/reviews. Drag can be so powerful, and Ru knows that and thankfully so do some the queens. Others, as you say remain clueless and really believe it is about being REAL, but it is always about playing with that idea.

Troy said...

So, I didn't think Roxxy was in the running until the Snatch Game episode, when I realized that she's gonna win. They were totally giving her the "winner edit", meaning trying to make her look funny and clever to convince the viewer that she deserves to win, when the reality is that she wasn't funny or clever at all but gave a generic performance for the lame character she chose. She is good on the runway. What bothers me though, is the makeup. She spray tans herself too dark and then has to use LEATHER BROWN foundation on her face, then puts WHITE all around her eyes and on her cheeks. The end result is that she looks like she's in CATS.
I like Alyssa for her weird faces and weird walks.