Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Rupauls Drag Race season 5 episode 8 review...

Ok I PROMISE this one is brief because I don't have time to write before I go train with the TEN TIME champion kick boxer/ MMA of France who happens to be sorta insane hot. I mean he has a light eye and Im not attracted to people with light eyes but I can appreciate the beauty. Im not gonna show a pic cause he's straight and cool and nice and I doubt he wants his pic on a blog next to some man sitting on a guys face so i'll respect that but just trust me on this one he's sorta hotter then anyone in porn and can kill you with one hand while eating a macaroon and smoking a cigarette. Its sorta awesome taking private lessons from him as first of all learning from the best in the biz is always preferred but its cool because the gym is very UNCOOL STRAIGHT, like contradictory catholic bullshit "wisdom" on stickers on lockers that are all "god and jesus and blatditty blah blah the things they scare poor people into believing who don't have books." I mean one of the bumper stickers on the locker says "I RESPECT YOUR OPINION. I JUST DONT WANT TO HEAR IT!" ...ummm didn't YOU just share yours with that sticker??? Anyways its fierce having the champ be your trainer because if anyone gives you a sideways glance, which i haven't experienced yet but you know I'm leery, you can just be like "He just looked at me funny. Go make him die." So NOW IS WHEN THE SEASON GETS GOOD. The show really turns up the heat when it gets down to the solid six. These are the THE characters of the season, the first six are just the sacrificial lambs, the second six are the stars. Ivy got the chop, we knew that was coming. This episode they developed a perfume. A GREAT idea for an episode actually and an opportunity for the creative types to sparkle as perfume campaign err on the bizarre. Which is basically exactly what happened. Alaska and Deetox had the best commercials, they're also the most creative so its no surprise. Alaska won the challenge, a first for her. I KNOW someone is gonna say Jinx is creative but she's sorta creative in ANOTHER way. She's creative in that kind of "Im very in tune with my emotions and I wear this hat from the vintage store whilst writing them down in a journal as "Book of Love" plays in the background and Im about to talk about Kate Bush with the person Im about to wait on if I ever get my head out of this journal.. god I can't wait to visit Paris" kind of way. Not exactly ART DIRECTOR material but great for the gender/queer/liberal arts. I really don't have to much to say about this episode. The special guest they had was the worst they've ever had. Not Joan Van Arc, she was fine. I sorta wanted Michelle to eat this random person alive, but I was REALLY HAPPY they showed the contestants making fun of her because WHO THE FUCK WAS SHE?! She was honestly some girl thing that had the worst voice, nose job, style ever and she tried giving advice. A bad nose job basically makes anything you want to share completely invalid. Its LITERALLY AS PLAIN ON THE NOSE ON YOUR FACE that "I MAKE BAD DECISIONS." I can't look at someone with a bad nose job and actually give weight to a thing they're saying. WHO GETS A BAD NOSE JOB THESE DAYS????! I liked the color of Rus Dress a lot. It was a fresh look and Ru looks so great in those colors that are somehow in the HIGH UV spectrum. If it can GLOW UNDER BLACK LIGHT Ru looks GREAT in it.. Just like a SCORPION! Which is fierce. I dunno if you know that but scorpions glow under black light. Alyssa and Ivy were up for elimination. Im sorry I know her look is NOT inventive or creative and the make up is often the same BUT I like Alyssa now. I stand behind her. I don't like HER so much but Im FASCINATED by her character. She one me over LAST EPISODE when I rewatched the first time she was called to lip-synch for her life. When she's asked to lip synch she doesn't put her head down, look nervous, or even get upset. SHE FACES THE CHALLENGE LIKE A PRO. She ACTUALLY MAKES THAT FACE we ALL DO when were PRETENDING TO MODEL, but IT WAS REAL?! THAT IS FUCKING FIERCE?! She actually purses her lips and squints and gets a STANCE on. Its AWESOME. This bitch is UNSINKABLE. Yes the looks are sorta whatever and everyone wants her to go down BUT I DONT. She BELIEVES IN HERSELF AND I BELIVE IN HER TOO. She's NOT FIERCE but her strength is. I like her. Now lets talk about Deetox, briefly as I'm totally late now, Deetox hasn't really delivered SO MUCH this season as I have seen her do live. Live SHE IS SO MAJOR. She's yet to sorta deliver what Ive seen live. I do like her though and this is why. YOU CANNOT MAKE FUN OF DEETOX. Why? Because even though she's had 9,000 surgeries she has NOT done her nose! Which is GENIUS because its the one thing that is the most "her". Its all of her character and the one thing most people who are dumb, like that guest judge, change about themselves because they hate themselves but Deetox does not. She did all this augmentation but didn't change "her". "She" is still all there meaning she has no shame about herself and that is what strength is and therefore you can't make fun of the procedures because she never changed the one thing people who hate themselves change first. I think that is GENIUS and TOTALLY ADMIRABLE. I never think men should get nose jobs. Gotta run... Don't get a nose job. Coco Montrese is weird and acts bizarre/contrary to anything that would make sense for camera time.


Martha Stewart said...

Dear David,

Your Drag Name is officially Miss Malaprop. This was not by vote. You have earned the name.

I gave you "Miss" because I'm feeling generous.

Martha Stewart

David Mason said...

Why? What did I say? I said I was in a rush and was 15 mins late for my training because i was trying to get it out for you guys! So no judge judgersteins!

Martha Stewart said...

Dear David,

I am not Jewish.


Martha Stewart

Anonymous said...

I DO like Alyssa too but I'm afraid that as fierce as she is, she's just a simple country gal at heart. She doesn't have enough tricks in her bag to make it to the top.
As for Coco, yah, she's weird but she's also mean. She was cruel to Jinkx for no reason other than insecurity and it's that insecurity that will be her undoing. Oh, and her commmercial was over the top comically, but the masked lion man made it comical in an incongruous way.
Now as for Ivy Winteeeeers, I'm just a Drag Race neophyte but every fool knows that when Ru asks you to lip synch for your life, you don't just stand there. That's fine if one were actually singing but for Ru one needs to stop short of stripping naked!
My new prediction says it's gonna be Alaska, Jinkx and . . . hmmmm Deetox???

Malibu Eric said...

Amen Dave, "Aubrey O'Day" Whatever. If I have to google a judge (and this is the FIRST time ever) then their opinion means nothing. I love that social media took her to task.
Also waiting for Detox to thrill me...tick toc tick toc. Maybe the telenovela episode she will shine.

Christopher said...

Do not listen to the haters. I *live* for your insights. You are the Joan Didion of the drag/camp/fashion scene. More, please!