Friday, August 30, 2013

Are you going to think Im a horrible brat for saying MYkonos was tedious?

(This is me at The Temple of Foreign Gods in Delos, which was cool to see.) I think I am being a total TWAT, but let me share my reasoning. We rented a house, five of us, each of us had a our own room. The house was expensive but also lovely, so I can't complain there. What they didn't tell you when you rent the house is that SURE you are renting a house but the DAD lives above you and the MOM lives below you so the owners are always there... which is something we just didn't want and they of course knew this so it was unmentioned...shadey. The lady who owned it insisted we call her mom despite charging us 5 euros to wash a towel. Sorry, but my mom didn't charge me 5 euros to wash a towel, she was also 5 10" and the fact theta you're making me call you mom makes me want to punch you in the face because you're nothing like my mom you PHONY CUNT. I know the mom thing is MY ISSUE though so don't think Im not aware and I realize its not really fair to hate her for something she didn't really consider or could even imagine why that would make someone without a mom squirm uncomfortably:) The house had a beautiful pool and jacuzzi but like every pool in greece, it was FREEZING. So we never even used it, it just sat there mocking us, reflecting our sad faces and distorted them and breaking them apart, just like OUR DREAMS. We went during Excelsior which is their version of Barcelona Circuit week... Why did we do that? I went to circuit week in Barcelona before and hated it because I thought it was too druggy and had unhappy energy, unlike Madrid Pride which is much more happy and fun to me. This was basically the same as Barcelona, though not as much of an unhappy vibe so thats good. I wouldn't say it was awesome but I wouldn't say it had dark energy like the Barcelona thing. It was just tedious. There are no street signs in Mykonos and the road we lived on was basically at the end of a GOAT PATH so it honestly took one of us three hours to find the house so we couldn't invite people over because they couldn't find the place so I had to cancel the dinner we had planned at the house because nobody would arrive on time even if they could find it with no street signs so that was another pain in the ass/ let down. The roads there are TINY, they also have these ROCK WALLS up on the side of the road which make the roads SUPER NARROW to protect and maximize the size of their PRECIOUS BARREN DIRT PATCHES so if two cars are traveling down the road one of you needs to back up and of course thats a pain with five people in a car on a SWIRLY road thats at a RAKISH angle! I have COMPLAINED about a lot of things before but I have never complained about wind. Well congratulations are in order because Ive reached a new level of bitching. After this trip, I HATE WIND. I never knew it but relentless pounding wind is NOT FIERCE. Its basically the Mykonos equivalent of RAIN. It ruins your fun, your hair, and you can't sit on the beach. I know it seems like how could wind possibly be that much of an issue but when you can't hold your WHITE WINE SPRITZER because the white crests splashing over the sides are working like PEPPER SPRAY in your friends face its really time to step inside. This wind lasted for three days straight. We learned that supposedly thats why all the houses are designed with that rounded element you see to cut down on wind noise... huh. The circuit party thing I could complain about but it wouldn't be new information. We all know what the issue there is though I will say it honestly hurts my feelings when people are all smiling and nice at the party, because they're high, and then you see them out and they don't say hi. I realize they're insecure but it just makes the entire thing seem sad and fake and leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I agree I can really enjoy one party, ONE. I don't need five. I can do TWO tops, after that its the crabapple show for me and I need to go home. I just need to NOT forget that. Also there was this interesting thing going on with me. See I dyed my hair like TRANSLUCENT. It looked like fiber optic wires. It really wasn't a bad look, in fact I liked it BUT I knew I wasn't gonna get laid with it because these circuit things have such a SPECIFIC and particular esthetic that if you deviate from that you do get a "red nosed reindeer effect" I worked in clubs throughout the 90's and we always prided ourself on the MIX and that made for such a fun party but that circuit vibe is basically a NAZI ROID SHOW, and yes that sounds fucking fierce... FOR ONE PARTY... but you soon come to realize despite pretty packaging Nazis aren't fierce, they LOOK fierce, but they aren't fierce. They're terrified little robots in well designed armor that doesn't have a smile function. They also don't seem to be having fun with it, there is a lack of honesty/ playfulness with it. If they admitted it was a dark and muscly fetish ball for guys on drugs Id sorta be more into it because there would be some HONESTY and a THEME. I always like a theme. They kinda sorta act like its not a Nazi Lamb Party but it is and I dunno, FOR ME PERSONALLY its not that much fun. YES, people are doing their own things BUT all I can say is this. If I had my baseball hat on covering my hair I PULLED TRADE, if it was off I was invisible as a sex object. (What a PERFECT opportunity for this AD PLACEMENT?!) I kinda wish it was the other way around but I can't blame them, blond hair is cunt, but cunt is not sexy, and I KNOW THIS, but it is sorta disappointing to realize "They like you like this, but NOT like this." even though you're the same person. I mean I KNOW its a pageant, I KNOW all the things Ive mentioned already and Im sure you do too, and one or two nights of it can be fun, but for me when you get so repetitive with it you start to see the cracks and it goes from a party where you see a bunch of friends and were all having fun and acting like gay gorillas to a "Why are we all chasing the dragon, this cannot possibly still be fun, and I think the proof that its not fun is that everyone is high and the only time you have to take drugs is when you are in pain and therefore if everyone here is on drugs everyone here is in pain and this just went from a FURRY PEC RUBBING PARTY to the saddest thing I've ever heard of and omg Im gonna go plant a tulip garden and WATER IT WITH MY TEARS. I was VERY happy to see friends of mine from all over that I don't get to see much. I just wish it was easier and under more convenient terms to do so. Im also old and this would all be less tedious if I was less spoiled. So REMIND ME NEXT TIME I consider doing something like this. Im not saying I don't like a party, I DO, but I don't need more that TWO. Parties are like doughnuts, the first two you devour without thinking and they're great, then the third one is really tempting but NOW you're going to consider the calories, and the fact these doughnuts cost 65$ each and somehow now that Ive bitten this third doughnut it doesn't taste so yummy, in fact its BITTER, oh god, now I have to eat another doughnut to get the taste of this last doughnut out of my mouth,...OH NO, NOW IM A BROKE, an OUT OF SHAPE MESS, AND I HAVE NO DOUGHNUTS OR FRIENDS BECAUSE NOBODY LIKES TO HANG OUT SHIRTLESS WITH THE DOUGHNUT LADY.

7 comments:

placevendome23 said...

Great post, David. Enjoyed reading your perspective on this.

Jimbo said...

Thanks for the [hilarious] perspectives on Mykonos. People have complained to me about it before but never in such detail. I haven't traveled to Greece so I couldn't understand it. It always looked beautiful in all the pictures I'd seen. NOW I get it. Thanks. (And don't feel badly about your feelings re: "mom." That whole deal sounds like rather transparent manipulation, if you asked me. You can't just demand that people call you something as personal and affectionate as "mom." They either do that spontaneously or they don't but, as you say, charging them five Euro a pop for washing their towels isn't very likely to help her cause any. Unless, of course, their mom was a stingy bitch. 8D)

Lucien said...

GREAT reading -another perfect mind trip of our perfect Dave

Leprechaunvict said...

Mr. David Mason you should seriously consider taking all of your essays here on Slick It Up and putting out a book. It'd be so great. I know the book industry isn't a place to make money anymore but it would be so nice to have a little glossy hardcover book with pictures and your essays in them. You are a hilarious and insightful person and you're "voice" (writing style) is very unique and very noticeably you only.

Leprechaunvict said...

Mr. David Mason! Wow, you should seriously consider taking all of your essays here on Slick It Up and putting out a book. It'd be so great. I know the book industry isn't a place to make money anymore but it would be so nice to have a little glossy hardcover book with pictures and your essays in them. You must know someone in publishing? You are a hilarious and insightful person and you're "voice" (writing style) is very unique and very noticeably you only.

Unknown said...

Oh hey!!!!! I went this year and i had to read this again when i came bAck. It is almost 2 years exactly since you posted this. Your introduction compared with my first arrival, mine was a breath taker moment. But when you start talking about :"invisible as a sex object" omg... My conclusion was or everybody is lesbian or i was maybe too cute with my naturally smooth body without facial hair at all...the concepts beauty, cute, hot, and others for me, it was not clear at all. A m I to twink? Or too skinny? I never knew. After i realize that as soon as i notice that it was weird to try to make new friends, i started dancing and having a blast. Resting, exploring the island and i love it. I ll like to share my experience cuz it is funny with you, hugs! And see you soon #MEAT #Situation

victor baez said...

Oh hey!!!!! I went this year and i had to read this again when i came bAck. It is almost 2 years exactly since you posted this. Your introduction compared with my first arrival, mine was a breath taker moment. But when you start talking about :"invisible as a sex object" omg... My conclusion was or everybody is lesbian or i was maybe too cute with my naturally smooth body without facial hair at all...the concepts beauty, cute, hot, and others for me, it was not clear at all. A m I to twink? Or too skinny? I never knew. After i realize that as soon as i notice that it was weird to try to make new friends, i started dancing and having a blast. Resting, exploring the island and i love it. I ll like to share my experience cuz it is funny with you, hugs! And see you soon #MEAT