Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Rupauls Drag Race Season 7 episode 5... LETS TALK ABOUT THE QUEENS THAT MATTER

Ok so I feel were all in agreement that this episode was pretty entertaining and I feel this is simply because MOST of the queens that DONT MATTER ARE GONE and we've finally just started to see the personalities coming through and now is the SPRINGTIME OF OUR DRAG QUEENS. Like crocuses they BLOOM whilst the bulbs that were unfit just REMAIN IN THE DIRT. Im really just going to do a DOSSIER on the remaining queens and LAY DOWN THE CARDS so we can all get on the same page.
Violet Chachki: Im starting with her because she's the best so far. You CANNOT ARGUE that that gown she wore to the "Despys" was not only the best garment on the episode it was THE BEST GOWN TO EVER BE ON RUPAULS DRAG RACE and this INCLUDES Rus gowns as well. The dress was made by her drag mom Genre and designed by Violet and Violet did the embellishment herself?!?!? IMPRESSIVE and IMPORTANT. That dress was like WATERCOLOR painted on her body. It was fitted FLAWLESSLY and the stone work was impeccable. I of course cannot find a picture of her in the gown anywhere online at this point so I had to make a SHITTY SCREEN GRAB. Violet has delivered AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN and I RELATE TO VIOLET. I was TOTALLY Violet in my youth. I sat there and quietly studied the people around me letting them blab and blab and blab and talk shit about me because Im not like them and as I silently judged them I was making my plan to destroy them, them being THE WORLD. I no longer operate under these goals but I do HOLD THEM TO MY HEART. The looks she gives the queens I have served over and over and over and I crack up every time she does them because I know the feeling so well when you CANT say anything because you're outnumbered but YOU KNOW someday while you ASCEND they will be sitting there like MONKEYS IN A CAGE. She's not going to be PHONY like Ginger Minj and be nice when she doesn't mean it, she will be nice to you IF YOU ACTUALLY DESERVE IT. I feel thats called HONESTY and I RESPECT IT. She's making all the right decisions, except being social, and minding her own business while the other kids can't take her strength and independence so they try and join forces but let me assure you THIS DOESNT WORK. Will she win? I don't think so. The public doesn't like a witch. I LOVE A WITCH, I am also not the public. Remember JINX MONSOON won the competition because of the public opinion when Alaska clearly should have. So will she win… I don't think so, but she doesn't have to either. She's sort of the Detox of this season, great styling, great paint, all the right references, but too angry for the public. I LOVE this anger, its actually appealing, and comforting, and sexy to me. The Mugler woman is looking out for REVENGE, not a CHECK, she can make her own money. Violet so reminds me of a thin Kabuki Starshine. They are both great talents clearly tapped into the same wavelength. Here are some pictures of Kabuki and Violet and the resemblance is close.
Ms. Fame: The fact that THIS came off a chicken farm and that her caretaker, her grandfather, was murdered and she's sober and has her shit together is FIERCE. Visually she certainly has the STING FACTOR we love. I feel like we've seen 6 seasons so were sorta jaded as to the quality of this seasons queens because if you line up Ms Fame, Violet, Max, and Pearl with the previous seasons there is a CLEAR ascendence of esthetics going on. The issue with Ms Fame is for whatever reason you can't get into her. I RESPECT her fully but do I wanna wrap my excitement and allegiance around her… not really. There is nothing wrong going on SHES REALLY QUITE MAJOR but the hook doesn't catch deep enough for me. I really appreciate her existence. Do I want her at my imaginary nightclub.. YES, do I wanna put my energies behind her… eh.. I feel bad but NO. She doesn't have the edge or sense of biting humor I need. I need a LITTLE rage, a SLICE of contempt, a DASH of sadism, a LICK of HARSH REALITY. She's cool, she's fierce, she's just a TEENSY bit nice for my allegiance but I do think she deserves top three as she's doing everything right and you can't fault her for being BALANCED.
Max: Max is refreshing. Its so nice to see someone NOT being SLUTTY. I really like her. She's a cool dude. She's the WHOOPING CRANE of RPDR. Beautiful, delicate, timid, wise, but maybe too FRAGILE. Drag queens are HARSH. I worry that she hasn't got the chops when it gets down to the FIGHT SCENE because she's a classy lady and she won't fight and that sorta sucks because I can respect that but the fight scene is your opportunity to delivered a HIGH END READ which I just don't feel she would do because SHE CARES FOR PEOPLE. Max has been SMART. Did you see the gifs she did of the wide angle shots of her?!? This took PLANNING and was WELL EXECUTED. She gets top three for her runway and this alone. Max is the wizard and Im into him. Every single drag queen from below the Mason Dixon Line, PUERTO RICO INCLUDED, could learn something from Max.
Pearl: Now Pearl has grown on me. I mean of course they've given her the camera time to let her grown on you but originally she came off as INTERN FROM BROOKLYN WHO IS TO BE IGNORED #345,987 and I didn't have time for her. I was wrong. She has something interesting going on. She straddles this line of beautiful and fucked up and weird and then visually compelling. I think she's smart. Go ahead and make the Shakespere comment but I have two degrees and I graduated from what is arguably the best art school on Earth with honors and I DONT KNOW SHAKESPERE because it never spoken to me. So I don't know how this thing that I find exclusive and maybe a bit obvious is so important. Shakespere always seemed like THE BIBLE to me. I understand its fundamental but all of the concepts in there you would already know if you have your wits about you. I don't think you're really ENLIGHTENED by Shakespere its more just THE RULES WE ALL FOLLOW. Important yes, but you can find those lessons anywhere if you're enlightened, its not the only source so I don't feel knowing it is crucial so long as you know "it" abstractly. This is important because this is what I feel Pearls entire angle is, its IT but IT abstractly and that seems fresh to me. She also does INTERESTING CLEAVAGE?! I feel Pearl will go on to be something big out of drag. Some photographer or designer will snatch her up and 20 years down the road she'll be RICH AND WHITE.
Kennedy Davenport: Speaking of rich and white!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHA I was supposed to start typing right now but I CANT?!?!? I CRACK MYSELF UP TOO MUCH…. AHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH?!?! Kennedy is just that person I don't like. She's not my thing. So I feel like why be a dick as she's something Im sure to SOMEONE and she gives something somewhere FEVER but what I wanna say is something that BORDERS on harsh like "Kennedy Davenport is why we should be able to SHOOT THE POOR." but I won't. She's someones hero and I shouldn't be insulting just because she's not for me. I just have a hard time being nice because she comes off like that kind of person who tries to deliver "advice" but really its a JEALOUS DIG and you have to decide when you're hearing it to read her to filth and then know all the poor people are gonna hate you or just shut up and deal because you know she's just jealous and dumb enough to think she's smart and capable of holding a conversation with you when all you do when she's talking to you is think of the baby dinosaur from A LAND BEFORE TIME.
Katya: Ok, she's cool. I get her. I appreciate her. she's not SLAYING ME but she's cool. Id hang with her. In the beginning I thought she seemed a little COKEY and I feel she's a teensy bit turning it up too high for the confessional cams but its also good tv so I get it, I get it, you're cool. I appreciate the Russian element.
Ginger Minj: I think she is going to be this seasons villain or SHOULD BE. She's that horrible southern cliche of being "nice" to people when you don't like them and the only reason why she doest like you is because she's envious. I don't like her, don't trust her, nope, keep her away from me. She's like an evil Ben de La Creme.
Peanut Butter Cup: I dont know her name but you know who I mean. Black Natalie. BLATALIE Its either her or Kandy Ho that dies next. Not much to say because EH, don't care. She's like a PLAIN DOUGHNUT. Like one of those doughnuts they always have at Dunkin Doughnuts and you wonder HAS ANYONE EVER BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE but they're ALWAYS THERE?!
Kandy-Ho: None of you even want me to say anything nice about her so I won't even try. Ill just be an honest dick. She has what we call where Im from GRUB FACE. Its this very specific genetic make up where no matter how you dress you always look like a SKANK. Juliette Lewis, Madonna, and Joaquin Phoenix also are stricken with GRUB FACE.
Is there anyone else? If I can't remember than they don't deserve a review I guess, but now that I said that I know Im gonna be like OH FUCK then theres LADY DRAMA FANTASTIC and she's MAJOR?! but I still haven't thought of anyone else so ok, see you next week!

7 comments:

Phillyguy said...

I think Pearl will turn out to be a better stylist than Detox. We'll see. Oh, Pearl. Maybe there is hope after all. I think Max is amazing. He's like Jinx but I think even better. He hasn't wilted under the pressure either. Kandy Ho will probably be next to go. There's not a lot there. I think Fierce will turn out be like Jiggly. Don't count her out just yet.

DavidSask said...

Splendid review!

ASLogan said...

I stopped reading when you praised Violet.

Zachariah said...

There's a special place in my heart for Fame now. I used to raise exotic chickens as a kid. I didn't live on a farm, but I had around 20 of them in a coop in my back yard. I raised eclectic breeds. I had polish frizzles which are basically Big Bird but more glamorous and weird. I also raised a few silkies which are furry instead of feathery and so soft. A few Araucanas which are bearded and lay green eggs. My favorite bird was my Onagadori which is a Japanese rooster with an enormous tail. Mine was 12 feet and gorgeous. He had a special high perch so his tail would stay clean. Chickens are fucking amazing. Screw peacocks, chickens are the drag queens of the bird world!

Marvin Butterscotch said...

You are bang on the money re Shakespeare. I'm British and it's well known that he wrote purely for cash and not out of any artistic desire. Anyone who sees him as the zenith of high culture and sophistication is a nincompoop and a snob. Love your RPGR updates. I'd like to know have u ever watched Army of Lovers videos? I kind of get the impression you might like their aesthetic and music. They were batshit crazy and very smart

David Mason said...

Marvin of course I know Army of Lovers. I have a couple Gifs of theirs on my telephone for very specific references. When they emerged I was so happy it was like DOA vs Dee-Lite set in 1542!

Marvin Butterscotch said...

I'm so pleased to hear that! Their later music and videos like La Plage De Saint Tropez, Give my Life, Israelism and King Midas that not very many people bought other than in places like Hungary and Belarus are a hoot and a half too. I must have spent the best part of my teenage years enraptured in morbid fascination with them haha. Happy birthday and best wishes and joy for the coming year!