Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Rupaul Drag race season 8 Episode 2 The first non horrible talent show.

(Again WHY would you read this if you haven't seen the episode?!)
So this episode was pretty good right? For me it was the the first time the "talent show" episode wasn't a cringey clunky scenario where you kinda have to pretend it wasn't that awful and say something like "I promise in the club she's funnier." Chi-Chi was a well deserved winner despite that curiously unkempt wig??? Was that wig a comment on the her personal involvement in the Katrina disaster??!? Kimchi looking like a polar bear in Dolly Parton Drag is actually kinda cute but I don't really need to see anymore of her I think. I DONT dislike her however! I like her but not on the runway. I think shed make a good host in a club, like you could very easily talk to her and share and have a good time but one time as a child I tried to stop my neighbor from living and I PUSHED A REFRIGERATOR OFF MY ROOF and it landed more gracefully than her. Im all about Naomi. Yeah she looks a little cheap but she's also like 21 and as we all know when your 21 its hard not to look like you shop at Forever 21 BECAUSE YOU ARE AND ACTUALLY DO (and I am NOT talking shit because I think I actually bought a shirt there like 2 years ago and I am NOT 21 or 31 Im actually TERMINALLY 41 in a couple weeks!) Her overpainted lip to me is a little weird as her lips are already full but that "WHY ARE YOUR DOING THAT" moment adds mystery when I already really like her. It kinda reminds me of this thing Grace Jones would do where she would paint the "apex" (is that what its called??) of her lips a different color and I just would stare at it for longer than a white male child needs to thinking BUT WHY???!!?? I really appreciate tall and slim, for me it just means you're closer to god. I feel like Im a protector of the Redwoods or something with my love of tall skinny queens. If you don't read as tall maybe suicide isn't so bad of an option?? I just feel like there are SO MANY, maybe even TOO MANY not tall people and therefor its ok to talk about them like they're not humans. Thats ok right? I mean… THREE WORDS… LITTLE. KENYA. MICHAELS… Im STILL having nightmares...that THING, was better left chasing Karen Black and stuffed in an oven. You know what, Im not feeling this BOB person to be honest. there was a lot of hype but honestly WHY? If you were to be judging her on what we've seen so far she should be sent home. I don't know if you saw her "meet the queens" but to me it was SUSPECT, because she was charming in it but ALSO kind of BETRAYED HERSELF when she said she saw Rupauls Drag Race and thought "I COULD DO THAT?!" That do me says your interest in being a queen is not genuine, or maybe its TECHNICALLY GENUINE but NOT from the HEART... To me that reads as "What do I do to get attention?" not "Im sooo into being this fantastic person." So Im turned off, I feel like Im being lied to.
I was actually kinda disappointed to see both Dax and Laila (is that her name) go though it was totally deserved as what a fuckin boring lip synch. I wanted to see more looks from Dax. Laila seemed like a cool kid but Im on to her.. You know she's actually Kelly Osborne in boy drag right?.. Its true.. and Dax out of Drag is Pink in carmelface.
Alright so lets get to Acid Betty. Acid Betty is that friend you had in high school if you were "artistic" like me and they were your best friend but as the years and maybe even decades passed you slowly began to realize that she's TOXIC and EVERYONE IS EVADING HER ON PURPOSE. Sitting there watching her my friend and I were just like "OMG Acid Betty is sooo much like XXXXXXXX" She's that person who is talented on some level but has confused CRITIQUE with ABILITY and makes VERY LITTLE WORK (because nobody wants to deal with her) but tries to read everyone for what they're doing wrong and how if THEY were doing the job they would never blah blah blah… You've backed away at this point because now they're talking about how people are conspiring against them and how people think they're Jake Gyllenhall but really they look like MR BURNS from the Simpsons… (This actually happened in my life) imagine a person who looks very similar to Acid Betty telling you that the STRIPPERS IN THE BAR ARE JEALOUS OF THEM and how they look like Jake Gyllenhall and then a week later they say "I was wrong! Its not Jake Gyllenhall…People think Im Ed Norton!" …. whaaaaaaaaat???? I had to consult with my go to slightly older elder who told me a VERY WISE PIECE OF ADVICE which was "The insane people in your life will NOT get less insane but only MORE AND MORE BIZARRE so its best to cut your ties now… which I did… I haven't spoken to Glenn Close since… Anyhow back to Betty… I'll just say this… EDITING A LOOK is just as important as BUILDING A LOOK.. and Um… I DEEPLY appreciate someone knowing Philip Treacys name but umm didn't Detox already do that dress??
Ok so my three pound bag of Sour Patch Children is empty and all Im left with is a bag of ACID SAND…. How poetic?!!! So Im going to go to bed. I can't think of much else to say besides I liked Rus make up this episode a lot and my husband exclaimed HER DRESS LOOKS LIKE OUR CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE?!… which a couple of friends brought over for game night and it sits on top of the shelf because Im tacky and think its fancy because its in this metal mailbox thing so I never open it because it just seems too decadent and I don't want to not have it so it sits there alone and pointless… maybe its actually more like Magnolia Crawford???


zachaugustine said...

As always a fantastic "read" and on point but let me personally highlight the hilarity of the unopened limited edition Veuve on display...from the corner store.

Unknown said...

You are such a fool. I love you.

Anonymous said...

More importantly WHO is RuPaul talking to on the phone!!??