Ok so last weeks episode was so good and this one sorta kinda sucked, or did it? Like we didn't ever get a gag from PRAYING MANTIS of the runway Naomi even?! Who I think maybe should just win for being stunning. I really like that she's just LEGS and LIPS- NO TITS OR HIPS!?!! Ive actually never said that about another queen but she's gorgeous AND is likable and thats just so rare it deserves an award!
Well I thought originally that the episode sucked but then looking back we were also granted three solid WORST OFS in this episode which is always good for deepening references. I mean I appreciated the roller skating element and when Ru rolled out we GAGGED. That was so nice to see. I actually yelled WAIT, was that REALLY HER?! Were you surprised how SHORT everyones legs looked in the skates? I assumed everyone would look longer but they all looked shorter and thicker to me. This episode was historic for three solid WORST EVERs. Now Michelle looks fantastic of course, especially as of late, so I don't have issue saying THAT WAS THE WORST LIP COLOR IVE EVER SEEN EVER EVER EVER. I mean it looked like it was MADE FROM and APPLIED BY a FRENCH'S MUSTARD Bottle! It totally put the TURD in MUSTARD! It was totally MUSTARDED Not even something CLASSY like Grey Poupon but FRENCH's a CHEMICAL SALVE made to cover up the TASTE (level) of cheap "meat"! Now you know I STRIVE to be the perceived as the CHEAPEST MEAT POSSIBLE but MUSTARD SHOWS are not exactly HOT…dog! The only condiment that even remotely looks sexy on your face is marshmallow sauce which I don't recommend using because that just tastes too good to leave on so you just end up getting a sticky face covered in hair that FORMERLY belonged to the grease ball you're letting turn you into a human sundae.
So Cynthia was murdered by Robbie Turner and while Cynthias intestines were strewn about in a fashion that could only be described as SWIRLING CELEBRATIONAL GESTURES I think we all thought it was fair that Robbie wins, but will maybe kinda sorta miss Cynthia as she was headed in an Alyssa Edwards person who has no "reflective self" territory which is so appealing. The second "worst of" was Cynthias red roller skating outfit. By far the cheapest most uninteresting looking thing to ever go down a runway PAVED in ticky tackery. I mean the, I don't even want to say satin, blouse she had was made of that material they hot glue on the outside of heart shaped boxes of chocolates witnessed on the shelves AFTER Valentines day because even STRAIGHT DUDES didnt buy those boxes because they looked TOO CHEAP . It was the worst because it wasn't as ugly as Serena Cha-chas disco lederhosen which is an UNSHAKEABLE NUMBER ONE OF ULGIEST DRESSES in Rupauls Drag Race History, but because Serenas look was "theatrical" and this was supposed to be "cute". That cowboy hat was VULGAR, like I don't need to be CONSTANTLY REMINDED that everything we buy is made by SLAVES IN CHINA?!
Before I forget because I keep forgetting with each review can we talk about the STADIUM LIGHTING graphic they do before every runway? Does anyone know where I'm headed with this? YES! Why are there MOTHES flying around the lights?! We of course know that is because the graphic is supposed to be used for sporting events and they just put a magenta hue on it and call it a runway but I always giggle as it makes me imagine this is all taking place on a baseball diamond in like upstate New York by a mini golf course. I just added that Vivacious gif to make you laugh. She's totally giving you Burgess Meredith as the Peguins tranny girlfriend story lines!….and boy is that story line TRANSGRESSIVE?! My god imagine all the issues involving such DIVISIVE SUBJECTS as class, race, gender, LET ALONE EVIL FUNNY WALKS?!
oh the third worst of was WORST LET DOWN EVER with Nayasha coming back. Like waaat? She was the only one kicked off before, thats not a surprise?! I have yet to see Untucked. BOY I feel like I should offer Slick It Up to do the "Interior Illusions" lounge now because the 78 bucks I invest would be better than that couch they "reclaimed" from the La River that they're currently using.
Thorgys cancer story was something I could relate to fully though I have to say the situation sucks either way so there is no "win" but I watched my mom waste away and die over a year, but dealing with it previously for 5, and to be honest if I didn't know and then came home to see her and the same day she died I might pick that option because his dad was kind in sheltering him from that. Its funny that he said he's angry, because Im also angered by the "unfairness" but he's angry he didnt get to say bye and Im angry I had to see her die/ say goodbye at all. Its funny, you realize its nothing to do with your personal process but the actual loss itself that is too hard to bear so you get "angry" over what ever bullshit happened. The "moral" of the story is losing your mom sucks so quit bitching, don't be bitter, be thankful for what you had. Eww so sappy but its true. I think I deserve a massage, Im a nice lady.