Ok I apologize I couldn't write this sooner but I was shooting in LA and then came back and had a ton of work to do before I had the opportunity to write something.
Remember how last season everyone was BITCHING about how they hated the show? It was this never ending chatter about how there were no talents, which was inaccurate, and how they didn't like anyone which I think people confused with the queens abilities. The casting did a REALLY smart thing this year and dropped annoying people who only give good sound bytes and instead actually cast likable people you'd actually want to hang out with. It could just be smart casting but it almost gives you hope that younger people aren't all tedious vapid twits and they MIGHT be listening.
Well Britney/ Derek is actually a twit. I don't know how you could talk to him more than thirty seconds. What could that robot possibly have to say when its clearly never questioned anything? He's clearly never questioned anything because he doesn't have a soul, so there is nothing to question because he's never encountered a situation that would motivate introspection because how could he without a personality? Its only until you have a sense of self that you start asking questions because only then do things become contrary to your thoughts. He's like a BLENDER just sitting on your shelf waiting to be used. Isn't it interesting that the soulless person puts all his effort into simulating a famously soulless person?! This whole "being a correct little girl" fetish is just LAME. Its not even a powerful woman?! I can't fathom why you would want to look like a COCKER SPANIEL, turned into a GIRL IN BEIGE PANTS FROM OLD NAVY, who works at the SPRINT KIOSK at the mall?? His interest in her being she has zero personality is almost kinda cute, but its not because its a CHARACTER FLAW. Its like ROBOT ON ROBOT LOVE?! So sad, robots can't make a baby and they don't know it:(
I have to say we all owe an apology to Chi-Chi. In her "Meet the Queens" interview I was like EWWW and also TIRED. She came off like a cliche of the girl that is only cast because she represents "THAT SCENE" which is a large scene in the drag world, but "THAT SCENE" is never going to win because they're non creative and not smart. Kinda like the token fat girl who they also didn't cast this season. Yes Kimchi is BIG but she's not fat. That Ginger Minj thing was so rotten. Who invited her anyways?! She had all the charm of a Walmart greeters "How y'all doin?" and not the charming old man or retarded person that they use to make you feel sorry so you shop more to feel better. Chi-Chi is a fantastic example of how you either HAVE IT or YOU DONT. Chi-chi has nothing, but she has IT. She is fantastic in my mind. She was COMPLETELY CORRECT in her take on the New Wave challenge and Im sure she has MAYBE MOST LIKELY NEVER heard a or seen a New Wave song?! Costumes in the form of abstract shapes would have been transgressive, and funny, totally on par with the genre, and a great reveal and Britney and Puerto Rican lady are just too concerned with being the "pretty" girl their mom never had that they couldn't take the risk of being interesting. Chi-chi painted on Grace Jones face which is total New Wave so she knows whats what. I didn't think her costume was bad either. I mean it is exactly what you want, neon pink and black zebra, thigh high boots, with a riding crop and Gestapo hat. Was it cheap looking? YES, were the eighties cheap???… ALSO YES! Can we talk about how according to TODAY the eighties were ONLY NEON. In case you weren't there this is NOT TRUE. The eighties were GREY, nothing was NOT GREY. HOPE was GREY! Watch Baby Boom, or Working Girl and when you see it now you think its a JOKE. There is NO NEON TO BE SEEN. You think the sets are some kind of humorous art direction but it was REALITY. Neon was SORTA invented in the eighties and its why neon seems so much part of it because against they grey world we lived in that SMALL DASH of neon splatter paint effect was SHOCKING. However there is WAAAAY more neon around today than then. In fact in the New Wave Era neon was pretty much non existent. When I think New Wave I think glossy black, matte grey (in many applications) and gloss red. Flock of Seagulls, Devo, Gary Numan, Kraftwerk all of them are red and black. Like Thorgys costume was like New Wave in RETROSPECT but in reality was just like eighties everything which is weird when you can actually remember the eighties and be like BUT UMM WELLL OK YEAH. Puerto Rican lady needed to die for that New Wave look. Its so interesting that she's so vested in being what I imagine is the pretty girl that he imagined his mom or dad couldn't ignore that he couldn't get edgy. I mean am I wrong in that? Well maybe, I just look at myself and think of all the INSANE CHICANERY I pull to get the attention I didn't get and are to afraid/ashamed to ask for now so I imagine he's no different but I DUNNO. Maybe his dad gave attention to girls and therefore he thinks if he becomes one he will then achieve that acknowledgment.. Who knows?!.. sorry, to each his own, and Im being a judgey twat but ALSO… I'm sorry the creature I designed does not COWTOW TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE OR INVEST IN THEIR CONCEPTS OF THE WAY THINGS SHOULD BE/LOOK?!!! I designed a creature made to PUNISH STRAIGHT PEOPLE?!… Nice Puerto Rican ladys GOAL is to be accepted and to me thats sad as hell. My goal is to give hope to baby gays while simultaneously giving shame to straight people so they can feel like what it is to be a baby gay as an adult while simultaneously being and object of desire to men because my dad was completely uninterested in me?! I might clock a bitch but at least I can clock MYSELF AS WELL… I know whats what?!. Ive since REROUTED those goals as I realize its not my job to punish or teach and Im actually a person capable and deserving of love so I don't need to spend my life being Maleficent because that only continues to play into their scheme as it denies me kindness BUT I still respect the idea and I'm certainly going to do my best to RETAIN THE VISUALS as they are near and dear to my heart. Speaking of punishing I neglected to mention how Chi-Chi SLAUGHTERED "Neon Gozer". I actually liked Puerto Rican Lady's costume but AGAIN with what I said about her being so concerned with being "pretty" she couldn't even put on make up that matched the costume. The "hair" was repulsive, actually angering. Like if I made you that costume and you came out with that DOLLY GOO GOO FACE and that thing you found in the drain at the PUPPY SPA on your head Id figure out a way to GET THE COSTUME BACK!!! How can you possibly think its a good idea to take your heels off when Ru CLEARLY HAS SAID, "DO NOT TAKE YOUR HEELS OFF?!" I actually felt a little sorry for her when she tried a cart wheel and she looked like your chubby 6 year old niece who sucks and you still have to clap and tell her she's great, and then Chi-chi somehow MOVED BACKWARD WHILE GOING FORWARD letting you know she might be a hick but she's a hick that somehow is capable of manipulating the space time continuum.
For my final three its definitely Naomi, Chi-Chi, and Thorgy. To be honest Thorgy is cool and I like her but I dunno if I have to give her a trophy. She's COOL, I like her a lot but also like WHY SHOULD I GIVE HER A TROPHY? I have plenty of fierce friends that do drag but they don't deserve a trophy, they're cool people and thats enough. They don't really NEED a trophy. Trophies are kinda for young queens, SHINY NEW OBJECTS. Thorgy, like Alaska, kinda seems maybe not BEYOND THAT but like NOT NEEDING THAT. Like it sorta doesn't go with her values. Detox should get the All Stars 2 trophy because a shiny trophy goes with a Mugler suit ya know what I mean???. I think for a trophy you need to be stunning. Naomi honestly could take it for me just based on the fact that she looks like she's made out of BASEBALL BATS. Chi-Chi has star quality and is an excellent performer. What about Bob?! Why is he getting the JINX MONSOON "SWEETHEART EDIT"???! He looks like my TOE in drag… MY STUBBED TOE?! He's not unfunny but Im not gagging. Is that nose ring even real? I think him getting a trophy would be a big mistake. Sure Naomi would anger people but not me and I MATTER MORE!!!!;) I think Chi-Chi is gonna take it actually.
OH I forgot, did you see Untucked? Before I say more CHANGE THE DREARY MUSIC it ruins the entire mood of the show?! Beyond that was anyone else CREEPED OUT by Kimchi? Her behavior with Debbie Harry was INAPPROPRIATE?! Don't treat a 60 something ICON like some TART. Don't belittle her by saying you like her BOOBIES and say how she can sit on your face?!? Are you INSANE?! It makes sense I guess if she's a virgin though and she is around someone famous because like any insecure person she thinks in order to be cool you have to be someone you ARENT (BIG MISTAKE) and therefor acts "sexual" because thats "cool." I was TURNED OFF, this cabbage has gone SOUR.