Thursday, August 25, 2016

Rupauls Drag Race All Stars 2 Precap

Thank god its All Stars 2 FINALLY. So the game is set up with the A game predators versus the people nobody cares about. I mean factually the most hated RPDR contestants are Flee-Flea, Ginga-vitus, and "Chubby Liar Girl" who thinks collecting dollar bills is entertainment (Roxy Andrews, see my review of the RPDR Cruise to see my sweet review of her talents), Coco is kinda in there but she's more like the person at your summer job that you wish you never became friends with but now you're stuck with her. We don't really HATE her, its more like a "I wish she wasn't here but I feel bad." You'll be shocked to hear this but I don't even wanna get into the negativity spiral I'll fall into talking about Ginger Minge. (No picture posted out of kindness of author) I mean, just, ewww, southern, short, fat, bitchy, tacky, not intelligent, religious, a blob of yuck. Who ever her audience is I don't want to be near it. Phi-Phi… ugh.. You know why she's the worst??? Because she gets by on NERVE…. I HAAAAATE people who get by on NERVE. They don't have the talent, but they believe in themselves so they actually make work, hence the 365 days of drag she did. Like YES, I DO give her points for NERVE for that, I'll even give her a nod of respect for EFFORT, but NERVE IS REPULSIVE. Do you know how many great talents I know that DONT have nerve because they actually respect the arts and feel they're not good enough?! The fact that she thinks SHE can make work with her pool of references being as shallow as she is is ANGERING?!!! Like I love a "low" reference but that has to be balanced with a "deep" reference, to which she has none. She has 365 days of cheap, low rent, overly applied, irrelevant characters from Nickelodeon, shot from one angle! Hooray for you. Wheres the high reference? Theres one wild card with Tatiana, which Im actually interested in seeing. and then the TOP PREDATORS we all like.
Im gonna say this though. Im already over Katayas forced, over-compensating, false "excitement", false "self deprecation", please tone that fake laugh down because its making feel simultaneously preyed upon and sorry for you. Does anyone else see that? Its CREEPY?! Like I like her but thats, dare I say, a "RED" flag (that was a communist pun if you didn't catch it). Id hate her more for it but its usually a trait done by someone who just wants to make people happy at the cost of being not genuine to themselves so I'll keep her in the good pile but she's bottom tier good pile. I imagine the younger audience that is the primary RPDR audience doesn't catch this. Like the first two minutes of seeing Kataya I was like FORMER COKE HEAD, and I was right. Which is NOT a read mind you because lord knows we all have problems but Im just saying you can kinda clock peoples methods of behavior even through the editing of the tv show pretty quickly, if you pay attention to people. I happen to love observing/deconstructing people but thats of course just because I'm insecure and need to try and control my world around me so I have to break people down and reorganize them into my own limited perspective which is actually a defense mechanism I should probably move on from because it doesn't serve me but for TV SAKE ITS FUN OK SO STOP JUDGING ME?!?!;)
Detox is obviously my favorite and I hope she wins but I feel this entire game might be an Alaska set up. I really like Alaska but I also feel she's sorta like Willam in the way where they're sorta talents that are out of the loop of drag and more like personalities but not "Drag Queens" does that make sense? I feel Detox is more a professional drag queen and Alaska is like a person who uses drag as an element to their character but the drag isn't the hook? I dunno, its hard to explain but I feel if its a drag competition Detox should get the crown. I know the people behind the scenes like Alaska a lot soooo. Detox is very specific and not for beginners. Im attracted to stunning but also DANGEROUS at the same time. Its my aesthetic interest in everything and Detox embodies that. Like any strong sexual predator in female form she smells like an astray full of Angel, cigarettes, cash, and cum but SECRETLY you know thats all just a ROBOT SUIT because she's actually a sweet kid who had to build a coat of IMPENETRABLE SHINY PURPLE SPIKED ARMOUR to operate from inside and I relate to and respect that. Its sorta beautiful to see the design of the body they've made for themselves and to know theres still something sweet and tender operating from underneath. Its like going to an exotic car show, or the hall of armor at a museum, or the Orchid house.. I like to see what kind of dangerous beauty people have designed for themselves to operate from under and thats why I relate to Detox so well, we went to the same design school of artifice.. If the driver inside is gone however, too hidden, its tragic but with Detox I can see the driver. She's the Mugler woman and gets all the right references. I appreciate her severity, Im thankful for it even. I feel with Detox being there I have representation. Violette and Ms Fame were Mugler types but I require a HARDER TOUCH, delicate doesn't do anything for me unless the creature has venomous elements to it and to ring too "pretty" errs on being too compliant for me. Its too strong of a nod to a submissive nature. I want to be THREATENED, its the only way Im going to respect you. The sheepskin hat she wears that references Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction is just a big THANK YOU.
Im bored of writing this so I assume you're bored of reading this as well. Alyssa, Detox, Alaska for top three. Sorry I didn't go on about Alyssa but we all love alyssa so whats there to say? I feel she wont win because there isn't a big enough change though but theres not a big change because none of us want her to change.
Oh I forgot about Hot Topic Girl.. what was her name?? Oh hmm well heres something...


Unknown said...

Spot on. :-) I am still hoping Ru eliminates everyone except Alyssa, Detox, Alaska and maybe RoXXXy or some other girl we don't know. Why RoXXXy? Because I would love nothing more than an episode where they don't feed the girls for a week and then just put RoXXXy in a cage that slowly lowers down into a jungle, where they rip her double wig to shreds. Is that mean? So, yeah... my version of All Stars would apparently be two episodes and then the finale.

Zachariah said...

Thank you for pointing out the flaws in Phi Phi's 365 Days. Everyone was cumming in their panties over it and I felt that the execution came off as 365 days of Cosplay and an ode to 90's cartoons. Compositionally, its marvelous but substantively it lacks that soul of what DRAG is/was/ what will be. For an enormous set of looks, it feels almost small and repetitive. I am being a bit of an artfaggy cunt but come on! The pool of references is actually an ocean, and she needs scuba lessons.

P.S. She could have dressed up as a soda machine that eats your dollar and won't give it back as an homage to Roxxxy. There's still time though...

Im off to fetch some swedish fish and watch this shit go down. Yay AS2!

Unknown said...

The Disney-fication is going strong. Based on Adore, Pearl, KimChi,...'s followings, it looks like RPDR is a show watched mainly by young girls? But Alaska, Tatiana, Katya and Detox still have a bit of CUNT in them, they are easily my favorites (Alyssa is in a different game playing with different rules).
All Stars 1 was created for Chad Michaels like AS2 is for Alaska? But last night, the "same parts" bit was real fun.

Martha Stewart said...

Dear David,

I remember when I had NERVE.

I think it was after I had laid the brick pathway to the entrance to Turkey Hill but before I painted the exterior the color of drab ware, I went around peddling my pies. Now THAT takes nerve. Can you believe it...a former model and stock broker propping up a card table to hock baked goods to those condescending Westport housewives all because that sissified under-earning man I married couldn't bring home the bacon.

Well, at least I'm not bitter.

One gains perspective with age and a prison sentence.

Martha Stewart