Thursday, April 23, 2015

Rupauls Drag Race Season 7 Episode 8 The Make Over

Ok so this review is going to have less negative commentary because we've FINALLY gotten to a point where we don't have to spend time with people who suck because they're gone! Except for Kennedy, she still here, and she still sucks. She doesn't realize that me having to listen to her feels like caring for an invalid. Its a tedious chore. She doesn't realize as soon as words come out of her puss my brain turns into a BUS when it has to LOWER ITSELF FOR A WHEELCHAIR. I have to stop and think, OH CHRIST LET ME KNEEL THE BUS so she can be heard, waste my time with her inane witless chatter, then bring the bus back up, close the doors, and turn the bus back into a LAMBORGHINI COUNTACH. Having to dumb the world down just so she can have a place at the table is actually a negative for everyone involved. So please go read some books, libraries are fierce and free, and come back when you have something to offer. Otherwise just entertain at the Piggly Wiggly, you don't need to get up in my world, you're wasting my time.
See! Isn't this review SO NICE! Its like a fuckin BOUQUET OF DAFFODILS!!!?! Isn't that funny? I intend on having a nice happy review and one person can just fuckin POISON ME. Which is MY OWN DAMN FAULT. Its all my doing, its not Kennedy. She is not to blame, its all me. I just have poor tolerance skills and I of all people should have excellent tolerance skills considering what I DEMAND of others. So I don't take any of it back but I do own that Im being a TWATAHOLIC.
This episode was A LOT OF FUN. They brought back EVERYONE! My bf was SO HAPPY to see Tempest was back when she came out first. He jumped outta bed! You see unlike me, my bf is NICE. He had sympathy for Tempest, and I did too but C'MON. I am glad she was there but I am asking myself "Just what was it that you planned to offer us Tempest??" Im confused by her. It feels like she had no real plan once she got there. She's a nice lady just being herself. Just being is zen, zen isn't entertaining though is it.
HOW CUTE WERE Trixie and Pearl?! If Trixies personality was the character she choose to be for the challenge I would LOVE Trixie. She did a fantastic job and a DORK WHO TRIES is so charming. It borders on my favorite drag queen who was named Babara Patterson Lloyd who's entire schtick was HOW MUCH SHE SUCKED. She wanted you to BOO her and I love to BOOOO. She was AWESOME. She'd tell SUPER BAD JOKES and the crowd would go UGH and then she was just so bad you realized "OH WAIT, SHES DOING THIS ON PURPOSE?! She's a FUCKIN GENIUS?!" and its also ballsy as fuck to put yourself out there with a SOLE PURPOSE TO SUCK!
Everyone was fairly decent with their pairings and this is just as I said THE FIRST HALF OF THE SEASON ALWAYS SUCKS?! Why do people forget this?!?!?!?!?!? Remember it next time you're bitching about season 8!
This season is weird for me because Im not SUPER into anyone though Im impressed and entertained by 4 of them. I REALLY appreciate Violet and think she does everything correct but I don't know enough about HER yet to where I feel Im INTO her you know? I think she's HOT, I think she has the look, but she's a bit of a mystery. She hasn't had the background treatment yet like some of the other queens have. Its interesting how some queens get ZERO background treatment and some get a lot. Like why did we never hear Maxs' story? I IMAGINE its interesting. We know Ms Fames story, why not a back story per episode? Maybe thats just not a possibility. Maybe that could be a bit of a theme for Untucked. I like Untucked this season but like Katayas hole its TOO LOOSE. "Getting to know you" could be a good feature for Untucked. I feel like there are 4 people I like strongly for different reasons but not one Im like championing YET besides a mild crush on Violet. For example Alvaro and I are thinking of hiring some of the queens for our wedding party and the only one I can think of from this season to hire would be Violet and I don't wanna sound shady as I really like her but I don't have the emotional connection to her yet so theres really nobody from this season that Im saying WE NEED TO BOOK HER FOR THE PARTY.. AT THIS POINT.. We still have several episodes to go and Im open. Where as Detox, Alaska, and Juju Bee are the top three at the moment. Secretly we kinda like Jessica Wild too. She's SO NOT OUR STYLE but if you've ever met her she's super nice and actually QUITE WILD and fun and KOOKY, not to mention she SPEAKS SPANISH which is good for Alvaros friends. I liked Raven but she's non responsive which I feel is unprofessional and rude/angry WHICH IS WHY I LIKED HER LOL but cmon WE HAVE MONEY AND ARE FUN AND APPRECIATE YOU?! Why do you have so much anger that you DONT BOOK EASY HIGH PAYING JOBS from people who love your work?! Im gonna be shady because Im hurt by her lack of response... Have you seen Raven lately? She looks more like THE PENGUIN than RAVEN. Put the fork down chickadee?! The expression "Eats like a bird" does NOT apply to Raven?!

Daily dudes

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Saturday, April 18, 2015

Rupauls Drag Race Season 7 Episode 7 Snatch Game Max

Its Saturday and its beautiful outside and I just can't seem to remember much about the episode. Whats her name black lady that we all hate didn't look so bad on the runway I remember, and Max got sent home and the other black her nobody can remember got to stay AGAIN. We all liked Max, but I have to say this, she deserved to go home for that WEIRD HORRIBLE PERFORMANCE!
Let me ELABORATE on the reasoning behind that statement. You see I really liked Max. I liked Max because she was very much HER. Very unique, very specific, and very well put together, all the right references. I was shocked to see her in the bottom two. The lip synch certainly favored Jaidynn Diore Fierce, who's last name is FIERCE only because she couldn't spell MEDIOCRE, but that should not have stopped Max. Max made the ultimate TERRIBLE decision, instead of taking and song that didn't favor her and bending it, and twisting it, and breaking it, and manipulating it into a performance that favored HER. She tried to be like that song which completely was beneath her. She should have thrown the song to the wayside and performed a completely different storyline that favored her. Do the song but re-imagine it as a crazy old lady trapped inside the CONFINES OF HER MIND?! Take us on a journey! Go WEIRD with it! Just do WHAT YOU LOOK GOOD DOING and the song will bend to your needs. GET NUTS the people will watch YOU! If you try and be something you're not were gonna pick up on it so fast and not like you for it. The LAST thing we wanna see is Max being "HOOD" EWWWWWW NOO NO NO NO NO NO NO! Stop doing these Mary J Blige hand gestures?!?! I really like Max but her being all R&B was just WRONG. She looked like she had dropped her dentures and was trying to find them SOMEWHERE ON THE STAGE with those HURKY JERKY STIFF AS FUCK WRIGGLES?! These gestures DO NOT FAVOR YOU, DO NOT TRY THEM! Max is a PRAYING MANTIS she has LIMBS, and BONES, and ANGLES, AND MIGHT BE MADE OF WOOD and thats FIERCE! She comes from a very ascended place of privilege and wisdom which makes her unique because most aren't able to access that pool of references but I feel she let that fall by the wayside, fell victim to her insecurities, didn't use her abilities, and tried to be something she's not and FAILED because of it. She DESERVED to go home for that. Its unfortunate because I think THEY BOTH SUCKED and if BOTH SUCK then it should go down to the LOOK and clearly Maxs' look was better, but whatever…
Oh THE SNATCH GAME… It wasn't so bad. The Snatch Game is interesting because its usually a TRAIN WRECK but everyone always gets so excited by it. This time it was LESS OF A TRAINWRECK. The Donatella thing was interesting but I wish they handled it a different way. I think they TOTALLY SHOULD HAVE HAD BATTLING DONATELLAS?!?! It would have been SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING to see what I see as two of the three strongest queens go head to head as the same lady. I'm pretty sure Violet would have won. It really would have been a VIOLET POWER MOVE but they sorta took that away from her. I feel like that was a LITTLE bending the script to Ms Fames favor. From what I know from these queens theres a bit of that, like ANY show, where the powers that be kind of try and steer the girls into certain situations to favor certain girls and I feel like that sorta happened here. I feel it was actually an opportunity for Violet to dominate Ms Fame and they just didn't want the villain to make the nice girl look EXTRA DUMB IN A BAD WAY. I COULD BE WRONG but I for sure would have rather seen the two of them battle as Donatella then Violet do a decent Alyssa Edwards and Ms Fame do a sorta shitty, sorta RUSSIAN, Donatella.
Violet still has not made a mistake. Go ahead and hate her, she's still correct every time. Its HARD to be correct EVERY TIME. Its one thing to reach the goal but then to HOLD ON TO IT is the hardest part and I feel she's done that. Pearl actually grows on me every episode. I like her she's not like WINNER material for me but she's definitely cool in my eyes now. I must say they are VERY talented queens. They are YOUNG. Now granted these queens have a little tool called THE INTERNET in their favor and make-up tutorials very genuinely help but if you saw pics of me when I was 22… ooooh I had the attitude and sometimes the look but there was NO make up skills. I mean I also wasn't a drag queen but I was a "club kid" and I wasn't as polished as them and coming up with looks is HARD AND EXPENSIVE. Id get paid 75$ to work at Cherry and I had to hand the money over to my CHIROPRACTOR every week for dancing all night FUCKS YOU UP. Lemme find that pic.. oh here it is... I thought that orange rubber shirt from Syren was EVERYTHING. The pants were actually semi iridescent bright blue PLASTIC but they look like JEANS in this photo for some reason. That ICEBERG BELT… WHITE?!?!?!?! ACK…… i bought it on RODEO DRIVE!!! CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC?!!!!! NOT. but totally, but NOT. but TOTALLY.
I feel its Trixie Mattel coming back only because they showed a clip before the season started of her calling Ginger Minj a "beanbag chair" and that never aired so Im assuming its from when she comes back???? Though Id rather see Max come back and isn't the one who comes back always the one who just left??? I assume thats because they haven't flown home yet, so maybe it WILL be Max…

Daily dudes

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Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Rupauls Drag Race Season 7 Episode 6 The importance of fulfilling fantasies

This is gonna be the shortest review ever and Ill tell you why, Im TWATTY.
I just got back from an amazingly insane 40th birthday trip to Berlin where 10 of my friends and I went to the Snaxx Party where I was basically a MEAT CHANDELIER as I swung in a sling on top of a bar while my boyfriend and friend acted as GUARDIANS OF THE HOLE and directed traffic as TURKS LINED UP TO SUCK MY CLYDESDALE PUSSY! YES YOU ACTUALLY JUST READ THAT. So am I interested in talking about how much Kennedy Daveport sucks??? NOT REALLY?! Im sorta still in a HAZE where Im wondering DID THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN?! and YES you read it right IT DID HAPPEN. TOP THAT ON YOUR 40th BIRTHDAY I DARE YOU! My favorite part was when a fight in sued between some random man with a bottle of RHUBARB SODA (GOD I LOVE THE GERMANS FOR HAVING RHUBARB FLAVORED EVERYTHING) who tried to stick it in my hole and my BF and friend were like ABSOLUTLEY NOT?!?!!! and knocked his RHUBARB SODA to the ground as I LAUGHED AND GIGGLED like a baby in a swing. I felt so protected and special, like some kind of PRINCE. I am honestly so thankful for my bf, he really went out of his comfort zone for me and let me be as bonkers as I wanted and supported me and it felt wonderful to be supported and loved like that even though I know when he walked into the club, Berghain, he was MORTIFIED FOR GOOD REASON being that there is nowhere on Earth that a SLEAZE PIT like that exists. Its so insane I CANT EVEN TALK ABOUT RUPAULS DRAG RACE?!?! ITS THAT MUCH OF A MINDSCRAMBLE. Thousands of guys in fetish gear doing ANYTHING. You just walk up to whoever you want then DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. THERE WAS A LARGE POND MADE OF LUBE?! We didn't go in, as personally a POND OF LUBE hasn't yet made it to my fetishche fantasy MOOD BOARD. My bf was dressed as a Spanish Legionnaire (On the mood board for YEARS and he choose it on his own free will?!) and I was hit PET GOAT. Its tradition in Spain for these guys to have goats. Everyone from Spain was like WHERES THE GOAT?! and then he'd hand them my leash and fetish kookery would ensue. It was very cute how happy everyone was actually.
I also wanna give a big thanks to my friend Tai who set everything up and got me the best cake ever! Without him none of this could have happened.
As sleazy as it sounds there was a lot of positive energy in the party for me at least. It really felt like it was a shame free space where fulfilling peoples whacked out fatansies was a charitable act that everyone benefitted from so everyone just got in on it. I wasn't into half the stuff I did but it was fun doing it because you knew you were making someone happy and it was hot to do that and that felt good! It really was an enlightening experience. I feel people could learn so much from this. Its not always about YOUR SCENE, not that I ever thought it was, but It ACTUALLY IS FUN AND FEELS GOOD to make someone else happy by doing some thing you know they can't get anywhere else so why not have fun and go for it, its all good karma. FETISH KOOKERY…. BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER!
Ok That said can I kill Kennedy Davenport? She shortens the word WAS to WA. A lot of good people fought for their right to a solid education and her RUDE RUBE (I give definition because RUBE seems to be a term we only have in GODS GREAT YANKEE KINGDOM) existence spits in their faces. Can she even spell her own name???? NO, REALLY, can she???? She SHORTENS WAS to WA?!?!?!?!? This is a problem that is NOT OK! The runway look she did was hands down the worst look to ever go down the runway next to Serena Cha Cha?!?! Her backstage musings in Untucked solidified her as HUMAN TURD. She had the nerve to talk about Maxs make up and BRAGGED, actually BRAGGED, how she put on that COMBAT CONTOUR in two hours SPARKLES AND ALL?!?!?!? Oh god, my stomach is getting upset thinking about her. She's so stupid she doesn't know that her existence in my life qualifies as a QUALITY OF LIFE VIOLATION.
I haven't got anything else to say. I was so happy Merle said she's over Vampires. Im SO over Vampires too. We all knew Kandy Ho had to go… bye girl, you weren't fulfilling anyones dreams and thats what this weeks lesson was about.

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Daily dudes

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Rupauls Drag Race Season 7 episode 5... LETS TALK ABOUT THE QUEENS THAT MATTER

Ok so I feel were all in agreement that this episode was pretty entertaining and I feel this is simply because MOST of the queens that DONT MATTER ARE GONE and we've finally just started to see the personalities coming through and now is the SPRINGTIME OF OUR DRAG QUEENS. Like crocuses they BLOOM whilst the bulbs that were unfit just REMAIN IN THE DIRT. Im really just going to do a DOSSIER on the remaining queens and LAY DOWN THE CARDS so we can all get on the same page.
Violet Chachki: Im starting with her because she's the best so far. You CANNOT ARGUE that that gown she wore to the "Despys" was not only the best garment on the episode it was THE BEST GOWN TO EVER BE ON RUPAULS DRAG RACE and this INCLUDES Rus gowns as well. The dress was made by her drag mom Genre and designed by Violet and Violet did the embellishment herself?!?!? IMPRESSIVE and IMPORTANT. That dress was like WATERCOLOR painted on her body. It was fitted FLAWLESSLY and the stone work was impeccable. I of course cannot find a picture of her in the gown anywhere online at this point so I had to make a SHITTY SCREEN GRAB. Violet has delivered AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN and I RELATE TO VIOLET. I was TOTALLY Violet in my youth. I sat there and quietly studied the people around me letting them blab and blab and blab and talk shit about me because Im not like them and as I silently judged them I was making my plan to destroy them, them being THE WORLD. I no longer operate under these goals but I do HOLD THEM TO MY HEART. The looks she gives the queens I have served over and over and over and I crack up every time she does them because I know the feeling so well when you CANT say anything because you're outnumbered but YOU KNOW someday while you ASCEND they will be sitting there like MONKEYS IN A CAGE. She's not going to be PHONY like Ginger Minj and be nice when she doesn't mean it, she will be nice to you IF YOU ACTUALLY DESERVE IT. I feel thats called HONESTY and I RESPECT IT. She's making all the right decisions, except being social, and minding her own business while the other kids can't take her strength and independence so they try and join forces but let me assure you THIS DOESNT WORK. Will she win? I don't think so. The public doesn't like a witch. I LOVE A WITCH, I am also not the public. Remember JINX MONSOON won the competition because of the public opinion when Alaska clearly should have. So will she win… I don't think so, but she doesn't have to either. She's sort of the Detox of this season, great styling, great paint, all the right references, but too angry for the public. I LOVE this anger, its actually appealing, and comforting, and sexy to me. The Mugler woman is looking out for REVENGE, not a CHECK, she can make her own money. Violet so reminds me of a thin Kabuki Starshine. They are both great talents clearly tapped into the same wavelength. Here are some pictures of Kabuki and Violet and the resemblance is close.
Ms. Fame: The fact that THIS came off a chicken farm and that her caretaker, her grandfather, was murdered and she's sober and has her shit together is FIERCE. Visually she certainly has the STING FACTOR we love. I feel like we've seen 6 seasons so were sorta jaded as to the quality of this seasons queens because if you line up Ms Fame, Violet, Max, and Pearl with the previous seasons there is a CLEAR ascendence of esthetics going on. The issue with Ms Fame is for whatever reason you can't get into her. I RESPECT her fully but do I wanna wrap my excitement and allegiance around her… not really. There is nothing wrong going on SHES REALLY QUITE MAJOR but the hook doesn't catch deep enough for me. I really appreciate her existence. Do I want her at my imaginary nightclub.. YES, do I wanna put my energies behind her… eh.. I feel bad but NO. She doesn't have the edge or sense of biting humor I need. I need a LITTLE rage, a SLICE of contempt, a DASH of sadism, a LICK of HARSH REALITY. She's cool, she's fierce, she's just a TEENSY bit nice for my allegiance but I do think she deserves top three as she's doing everything right and you can't fault her for being BALANCED.
Max: Max is refreshing. Its so nice to see someone NOT being SLUTTY. I really like her. She's a cool dude. She's the WHOOPING CRANE of RPDR. Beautiful, delicate, timid, wise, but maybe too FRAGILE. Drag queens are HARSH. I worry that she hasn't got the chops when it gets down to the FIGHT SCENE because she's a classy lady and she won't fight and that sorta sucks because I can respect that but the fight scene is your opportunity to delivered a HIGH END READ which I just don't feel she would do because SHE CARES FOR PEOPLE. Max has been SMART. Did you see the gifs she did of the wide angle shots of her?!? This took PLANNING and was WELL EXECUTED. She gets top three for her runway and this alone. Max is the wizard and Im into him. Every single drag queen from below the Mason Dixon Line, PUERTO RICO INCLUDED, could learn something from Max.
Pearl: Now Pearl has grown on me. I mean of course they've given her the camera time to let her grown on you but originally she came off as INTERN FROM BROOKLYN WHO IS TO BE IGNORED #345,987 and I didn't have time for her. I was wrong. She has something interesting going on. She straddles this line of beautiful and fucked up and weird and then visually compelling. I think she's smart. Go ahead and make the Shakespere comment but I have two degrees and I graduated from what is arguably the best art school on Earth with honors and I DONT KNOW SHAKESPERE because it never spoken to me. So I don't know how this thing that I find exclusive and maybe a bit obvious is so important. Shakespere always seemed like THE BIBLE to me. I understand its fundamental but all of the concepts in there you would already know if you have your wits about you. I don't think you're really ENLIGHTENED by Shakespere its more just THE RULES WE ALL FOLLOW. Important yes, but you can find those lessons anywhere if you're enlightened, its not the only source so I don't feel knowing it is crucial so long as you know "it" abstractly. This is important because this is what I feel Pearls entire angle is, its IT but IT abstractly and that seems fresh to me. She also does INTERESTING CLEAVAGE?! I feel Pearl will go on to be something big out of drag. Some photographer or designer will snatch her up and 20 years down the road she'll be RICH AND WHITE.
Kennedy Davenport: Speaking of rich and white!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAH HAHAHA I was supposed to start typing right now but I CANT?!?!? I CRACK MYSELF UP TOO MUCH…. AHAHAHAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH?!?! Kennedy is just that person I don't like. She's not my thing. So I feel like why be a dick as she's something Im sure to SOMEONE and she gives something somewhere FEVER but what I wanna say is something that BORDERS on harsh like "Kennedy Davenport is why we should be able to SHOOT THE POOR." but I won't. She's someones hero and I shouldn't be insulting just because she's not for me. I just have a hard time being nice because she comes off like that kind of person who tries to deliver "advice" but really its a JEALOUS DIG and you have to decide when you're hearing it to read her to filth and then know all the poor people are gonna hate you or just shut up and deal because you know she's just jealous and dumb enough to think she's smart and capable of holding a conversation with you when all you do when she's talking to you is think of the baby dinosaur from A LAND BEFORE TIME.
Katya: Ok, she's cool. I get her. I appreciate her. she's not SLAYING ME but she's cool. Id hang with her. In the beginning I thought she seemed a little COKEY and I feel she's a teensy bit turning it up too high for the confessional cams but its also good tv so I get it, I get it, you're cool. I appreciate the Russian element.
Ginger Minj: I think she is going to be this seasons villain or SHOULD BE. She's that horrible southern cliche of being "nice" to people when you don't like them and the only reason why she doest like you is because she's envious. I don't like her, don't trust her, nope, keep her away from me. She's like an evil Ben de La Creme.
Peanut Butter Cup: I dont know her name but you know who I mean. Black Natalie. BLATALIE Its either her or Kandy Ho that dies next. Not much to say because EH, don't care. She's like a PLAIN DOUGHNUT. Like one of those doughnuts they always have at Dunkin Doughnuts and you wonder HAS ANYONE EVER BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE but they're ALWAYS THERE?!
Kandy-Ho: None of you even want me to say anything nice about her so I won't even try. Ill just be an honest dick. She has what we call where Im from GRUB FACE. Its this very specific genetic make up where no matter how you dress you always look like a SKANK. Juliette Lewis, Madonna, and Joaquin Phoenix also are stricken with GRUB FACE.
Is there anyone else? If I can't remember than they don't deserve a review I guess, but now that I said that I know Im gonna be like OH FUCK then theres LADY DRAMA FANTASTIC and she's MAJOR?! but I still haven't thought of anyone else so ok, see you next week!