Thursday, August 25, 2016

Rupauls Drag Race All Stars 2 Precap

Thank god its All Stars 2 FINALLY. So the game is set up with the A game predators versus the people nobody cares about. I mean factually the most hated RPDR contestants are Flee-Flea, Ginga-vitus, and "Chubby Liar Girl" who thinks collecting dollar bills is entertainment (Roxy Andrews, see my review of the RPDR Cruise to see my sweet review of her talents), Coco is kinda in there but she's more like the person at your summer job that you wish you never became friends with but now you're stuck with her. We don't really HATE her, its more like a "I wish she wasn't here but I feel bad." You'll be shocked to hear this but I don't even wanna get into the negativity spiral I'll fall into talking about Ginger Minge. (No picture posted out of kindness of author) I mean, just, ewww, southern, short, fat, bitchy, tacky, not intelligent, religious, a blob of yuck. Who ever her audience is I don't want to be near it. Phi-Phi… ugh.. You know why she's the worst??? Because she gets by on NERVE…. I HAAAAATE people who get by on NERVE. They don't have the talent, but they believe in themselves so they actually make work, hence the 365 days of drag she did. Like YES, I DO give her points for NERVE for that, I'll even give her a nod of respect for EFFORT, but NERVE IS REPULSIVE. Do you know how many great talents I know that DONT have nerve because they actually respect the arts and feel they're not good enough?! The fact that she thinks SHE can make work with her pool of references being as shallow as she is is ANGERING?!!! Like I love a "low" reference but that has to be balanced with a "deep" reference, to which she has none. She has 365 days of cheap, low rent, overly applied, irrelevant characters from Nickelodeon, shot from one angle! Hooray for you. Wheres the high reference? Theres one wild card with Tatiana, which Im actually interested in seeing. and then the TOP PREDATORS we all like.
Im gonna say this though. Im already over Katayas forced, over-compensating, false "excitement", false "self deprecation", please tone that fake laugh down because its making feel simultaneously preyed upon and sorry for you. Does anyone else see that? Its CREEPY?! Like I like her but thats, dare I say, a "RED" flag (that was a communist pun if you didn't catch it). Id hate her more for it but its usually a trait done by someone who just wants to make people happy at the cost of being not genuine to themselves so I'll keep her in the good pile but she's bottom tier good pile. I imagine the younger audience that is the primary RPDR audience doesn't catch this. Like the first two minutes of seeing Kataya I was like FORMER COKE HEAD, and I was right. Which is NOT a read mind you because lord knows we all have problems but Im just saying you can kinda clock peoples methods of behavior even through the editing of the tv show pretty quickly, if you pay attention to people. I happen to love observing/deconstructing people but thats of course just because I'm insecure and need to try and control my world around me so I have to break people down and reorganize them into my own limited perspective which is actually a defense mechanism I should probably move on from because it doesn't serve me but for TV SAKE ITS FUN OK SO STOP JUDGING ME?!?!;)
Detox is obviously my favorite and I hope she wins but I feel this entire game might be an Alaska set up. I really like Alaska but I also feel she's sorta like Willam in the way where they're sorta talents that are out of the loop of drag and more like personalities but not "Drag Queens" does that make sense? I feel Detox is more a professional drag queen and Alaska is like a person who uses drag as an element to their character but the drag isn't the hook? I dunno, its hard to explain but I feel if its a drag competition Detox should get the crown. I know the people behind the scenes like Alaska a lot soooo. Detox is very specific and not for beginners. Im attracted to stunning but also DANGEROUS at the same time. Its my aesthetic interest in everything and Detox embodies that. Like any strong sexual predator in female form she smells like an astray full of Angel, cigarettes, cash, and cum but SECRETLY you know thats all just a ROBOT SUIT because she's actually a sweet kid who had to build a coat of IMPENETRABLE SHINY PURPLE SPIKED ARMOUR to operate from inside and I relate to and respect that. Its sorta beautiful to see the design of the body they've made for themselves and to know theres still something sweet and tender operating from underneath. Its like going to an exotic car show, or the hall of armor at a museum, or the Orchid house.. I like to see what kind of dangerous beauty people have designed for themselves to operate from under and thats why I relate to Detox so well, we went to the same design school of artifice.. If the driver inside is gone however, too hidden, its tragic but with Detox I can see the driver. She's the Mugler woman and gets all the right references. I appreciate her severity, Im thankful for it even. I feel with Detox being there I have representation. Violette and Ms Fame were Mugler types but I require a HARDER TOUCH, delicate doesn't do anything for me unless the creature has venomous elements to it and to ring too "pretty" errs on being too compliant for me. Its too strong of a nod to a submissive nature. I want to be THREATENED, its the only way Im going to respect you. The sheepskin hat she wears that references Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction is just a big THANK YOU.
Im bored of writing this so I assume you're bored of reading this as well. Alyssa, Detox, Alaska for top three. Sorry I didn't go on about Alyssa but we all love alyssa so whats there to say? I feel she wont win because there isn't a big enough change though but theres not a big change because none of us want her to change.
Oh I forgot about Hot Topic Girl.. what was her name?? Oh hmm well heres something...

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Rupauls Drag Race Season 8 episode 8 Book Looks and Autobiographical stroll down the runway.

I haven't watched Untucked yet because I watch it with Alvaro and that means I have to wait but I also want to get this review out for you guys so Im going to write it without the Untucked. Were going to write the review backwards today because I feel like a BIG THING just sorta slid under the radar and its something Ive been asking Ru since season 2 which is WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE SONGS SUNG BY MEN?!?!? Finally it happened, aptly with Sylvester… BIG SHOES TO FILL….. This is a BIG THING because basically now were saying FISHY ISNT THAT IMPORTANT because were now segueing into FIERCE IS FIERCE AND WE DONT CARE ABOUT THE GENITALS SO MUCH. I mean YES, it will of course remain DRAG but I feel this really opens a lot of creative doors while simultaneously letting basic fishy queens know that their concepts might be dated and and in need of some remodeling. I mean could you imagine that first queen who got chopped pulling off Sylvester???… NO WAY… and you know shed complain and say it isn't even a woman or some tired third world oppressive bullshit that backs up her tired third world oppressive drag. The final two were Derrick Barry and Bob THE PERSON THAT IF HE DIDNT SAY DRAG QUEEN IN HIS NAME YOUD NEVER THINK HE ACTUALLY WAS ONE. Bob did an OK job, you know I'm SOUR on her so Id be hard pressed to say anything nice despite the fact she honestly is talented. Her performance was acceptable to a sourpuss so that means it was probably pretty good, not up to Sylvester standards in my book though, and there was A LOT of Dida Ritz going on there. but it was certainly a better performance than that poor cracker Derrick Barry. Im sure Derrick knew she was going home this episode so Im assuming thats why she TRIED IT with Naomi. She couldn't do it to Kimchi because that would be picking on a chunky robot with a lisp. (Kimchi on the Runway) She couldn't try it with Bob because shed just get shut down, and she couldn't try it who Chi-Chi because its unadvisable as a perfectly privileged white guy to pick on a poor black person who is much much smarter than you despite not having your opportunities and is much more talented... so she went for Naomi.. the other white girl. What Naomi said was completely true about how she, Kimchi, Chi-chi, Bob all have created something and offer that as something to behold yet derrick IMMITATES a PRE EXISTING PERSON and therefore offers... NOT MUCH. It was so interesting that Derrick JUST DIDNT GET IT. Derrick thinks he really is being somebody by BEING SOMEONE ELSE?!?!? I mean we are all amalgams of people and experiences we have observed but Derrick is a SINGULAR SPECIFIC REPETITION, not a kaleidescope of concepts! ISNT THAT FASCINATING?! Its like BETA-ism in its PURIST FORM. Thank god for these people they keep us all rich! If you go further into it the person he chooses to be, when he thinks he's being something, has no personality themselves?!?! He compared himself to Chad Michaels but CHER is A VERY different personality than Britney Spears?! Cher is a COMPLEX PERSON, Britney is a Cocker Spaniel just STARRING and waiting for you to tell it what to do?! It was all very fascinating to me. I imagine Derrick Barry has never been alone, or if he was it was "with Britney". He HAS to be the kind of person who just is ALWAYS dating someone because why wouldn't he be? How could he possibly be alone, without someone else to put himself into he is nonexistent. Is Derrick Barry a GHOST?! and ALIEN SYMBIOTE?!?!? Were on to something SINISTER!
They did the puppet thing… kinda over the puppet thing to be honest.. comes off as a teensy bit forced and they shouldn't do it again I think because if they do it again it will go from KINDA over it to TOTALLY OVER IT and then because I love the show and I fear its dying I will not show my honest emotion which is sadness and fear of being abandoned I will instead start foaming at the mouth and attack everything else that hasn't changed like the WORK ROOM and that fucking GRIM REAPER MUSIC at the beginning of Untucked!!! I was listening to Eckart Tolle while doing back today at the gym so Im making a stronger effort to be present. I CANNOT recommend his teachings and meditations series enough by the way. Ru is actually the one who gave it to me. Its GOLD…
The runway was the most interesting of the season and I really liked the 1.5 hour format. I thought the challenges were creative and I was impressed with all of their abilities except Bob and Derrick, no surprises there Im over the SLOP SHOWS between them both. Its funny that Derrick calls Bob ratchet because Derrick is just as ratchet to me. They should actually be friends. Chi-chi just impresses me so much. Im so charmed by somewhoe who can makes something out of nothing. Its TRUE WIZARDRY!!! It really is TRUE SORCERY like you basically have the ability to summon something of your creation to this plane of consciousness from nothing!! Its FIERCE! I also thought Naomi did an excellent job. Im so impressed with both of them that its hard for me to say who should win. If either win I will be happy but if either win I will also be sad. Chi-chi is golden and like your grandma, she's not CUNT, she COULD BE CUNT, and HAS BEEN CUNT, so you respect her but you also know she holds the deep wisdom to know to not waste time in anger (wish I had that ability) so she's the power of love and creation. Naomi however speaks to me personally because she upholds all that I cherish and DOES have the RAGE to SLAY and DOMINATE and TEACH. Naomi is a COBRA and Chi-chi is a cow, how am I supposed to pick?!?! They are both so important for separate but equal reasons. I can relate to both fully and respect them equally. This season is really good I think for fresh reasons. I don't know of another season where Ive been into two of the finalists equally yet for different reasons.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Rupauls Drag Race Season 8 Episode 6 (not really) and 7

So Im totally kicking myself for not writing last week because what I was thinking was was sorta proven this week. What I was thinking was this season compared to last season we have only ONE visually stunning girl where as last season it was battle of the super models. This season were all about PEOPLE which is WEIRD because it feels nice but is also kinda HARD to judge because why should we be judging PERSONALITIES. When its just visuals or performances its fair but when it actually is Rupauls Best Friend Race its like WAIT why is this a competition? I can't say Thorgy is better than Chi chi when visually there both not exactly VIOLET CHACHKI but personality wise Id love to have dinner with them. Last week I was in a bar watching the show, where I WON THE RAFFLE and got 47 Bianca del Rio pieces of merchandise made BY AND FOR Hondurans because I couldn't fit into any of it and 40 dollars in gift cards for the bar THAT I COULDNT USE THAT NIGHT. Anyways I was sitting there thinking "Ok so I like Thorgy a lot in a club and IM NOT TRYING TO BE SHADEY as I like him, he's talented, he's smart, he's funny this is not a read BUT as far as RPDR is concerned what has he shown us STRICTLY SPEAKING THE SHOW that merits final three?" He's cool, I like him a lot as a person but like this is kind of a CONTEST and Im not really getting any big surprises. Im getting more surprises than that GOD DAMN BOB who has delivered THE WORST MAKE UP AND LOOKS OVER AND OVER AND OVER and nobody says a FUCKING THING?! This is BULLSHIT btw, if you are strictly going by the runway and performances which is what they claim to only be going by CARPET BAGGER BOB should have been RUN OUT OF TOWN ON A RAIL eons ago. If you like him I ask you this question. What has he given us as far as the world of drag is concerned that is STRONG or FRESH or CAPTIVATING??? He does good padding and actually has a better body than you'd think BUT Yes, he's been funny, and he's a talented actor but this is a DRAG COMPETITION, where is the DRAG???? What he does has nothing to do with drag. I keep saying it over and over the man is a DRAG SHAM and is just an ACTOR IN DISGUISE and I will NOT BE HAD!!!! Im the person in the crowd pointing and screaming THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES... THAT IS NOT A DRAG QUEEEN!!! Now of course Im sensitive to this as my father was LOUSY GOD DAMN LIAR so the subject of a FRAUD and REALNESS is VERY close to my heart so I realize other people may not care about this much but for me its PERSONAL!:) I realize this is insane of course but I think its important to realize why we all have particular sensibilities that we are STICKLERS ABOUT and where they come from and what we should do about them. What I should do its CHILL OUT BITCH because WERE ALL FRAUDS on some level but whatever, realness is so important. This brings us to the POWER OF CHI CHI…. HOLY SHIT Chi-Chi is real as fuck. Chi-chi works at Walmart… thats REAL. I think god likes it when were honest to ourselves and during the Thorgy vs Chi Chi lip-synch GOD MADE IT RAIN DIAMONDS ON CHI CHI… It was not deliberate, we looked back to see if it was a stunt! Her heel actually caught the beading and it snapped… Are you fucking kidding me?! You could not have made that up omg if you don't like Chi Chi you basically don't like Dolly Parton and if you don't like Dolly Parton you don't like America and if you don't like America you should probably root for Derrick Barry because she's the opposite of the freedom of choice. Britney is the POWER OF SAMENESS which is also known as COMMUNISM. The power of sameness is pretty much only good for sex in my book. Like that is where appearing "the same" or "correct" works because whatever you're attracted to is really just someone or some IMAGE appealing to your ideals of what "correct" is but it should NOT be used for reality as its HORRIBLY OPPRESSIVE. Its super important to enjoy the fantasy but know its a fantasy and that nothing is real. Most straight people will never know this and its why their lives stop at 24, by that time they've done what they're supposed to so now its time to STOP BEING A PERSON and focus on the SPAWN.
Naomi… so now I feel the final three will be Naomi, Chi-Chi and Bob with Chi Chi winning. Chi-chi would totally win if someone loaned her 3 grand, with three grand someone who sucks the meat from a turkeys neck could do A LOT. Naomi however is LOOKING REALLY GOOD. The Wizard of Oz challenge was SO GOOD?! That look was EXCELLENT, it truly was as she said Westwood meets Vidal Sassoon. In the black and white challenge she did look the best and I love that she did RAVEN, my favorite. The only issue was that the legs didn't match the rest of the body but if you don't have grey tights you can't wear fishnets on top of grey paint so… who knows. I was willing to let it slip because her black lips were like some glossy flower of death and I was the fly LURED INTO IMPENDING DOOM!
I need to take a nap, this spring weather is FUCKING WITH ME. Im like tired all the time and WEIRDER THAN NORMAL.

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Rupauls Drag Race Season 8 episode 5 Snatch Game

Snatch Game is basically the most anticipated episode/train wreck of each season. I mean I love it but its also equally full of OH GOD NO moments that make you just feel awful because I don't know if we've ever seen someone going down the path of disaster and then manage to pull in the reigns and win us over. Its basically OMG THIS IS AWKWARD MAKE IT STOP at word ONE. I wonder if were so interested and more sensitive to this because as gays were SUPER sensitive to behavior patterns and reading people so therefore "behaving wrong" basically means you could get beat up, told to behave differently, shamed, so therefore impersonation is a SURVIVAL SKILL???? I think so, but who cares, thats just an interesting point though as it also falls into the world of drag itself and then of course you reflect on your own life and realize that old Ru saying "You're born naked, the rest is drag" is true. So now you're kind of enlightened that your entire concept of self is partially A SHAM, but this is also a release because once you know none of it is real you can be the architect of your own being. There is no "real". Thank me later.
so Thorgy didn't do Madame as I said she should. The Edith Piaf quote of "use your faults" was lost on her I guess. I mean nobody has that MADAME CHIN…(actually Madame Chin is a great drag name for Thorgy should she do an asian inspired look?!). EXCEPT THORGY… I mean you put the little sticks on your wrists and its SEALED.. Whatever.. Michael Jackson was fine, well done, but who cares??? Michael Jackson isn't cool. Sorry Im mad he didn't do Madame. Eartha Kitt I actually think was kinda cute, chi-chi continues to charm me... BUT why did he pull the hair THROUGH the turban????! That was so distracting for me. "New York" ugh…millenials… just NO. Whats worse than Millenials??? GenX-ers who make SUPER SHITTY VINTAGE REFERENCES that nobody cares about and just come off like Miss Kasha Davis as the principle in Grease. She's didn't look ANYTHING like Diana Vreeland?! Fucking MADAME looks more like Diana Vreeland?! Where were the huge statement jewelry pieces, the huge nose, the grand statements that are so sorta lofty they're basically out of touch?! Seattle queens suck dude. Ok and now BOB. Sorry… not into him. I get a SNEAKY vibe on Bob. I don't trust him, he's not dishonest but he's a player and acts like he's "real" this is what you call an ACTOR. An ACTOR is different then a personality, and with a drag queen its the PERSONALITY you're attracted to, or the package, but if you get a vibe your being played I at least step back…nope… don't wanna be sold the Bob show.. can I get a REAL person over here please???. Crazy Eyes is a character on a show first off, not a person but WHATEVER, and its NOT hard to act like a retard, I do it often and Im not even trying! Im sorry, if Rosey O'donnell could pull it off, so could I. His switch to Carol Channing was a wise move. They giggled over the idea of a black Carol but neglected to realize TECHNICALLY Carol is black. She revealed it in her autobiography. Her dad was a "passable" light skinned black guy! The SHOCKER is that wasn't even the biggest reveal of the book?! Her something like 65 year DRY SPELL with her husband who after 900 years of marriage said he was GAY was WORSE?! Imagine… that poor lady waited 775 years for a dick that was NEVER GONNA SHOW UP?! Anyhow Bobs impersonation was OK, but is it hard to do Carol???.. I can do Carol.. here let me show you.. This is me, not even out of bed yet, and its better than Bobs soooo… wheres my fucking 7,000 dollar gift certificate for purses made from bicycle seats?!?!
Night of a thousand Madonnas.. or JUST ONE remixed remade remodeled… Naomis was the best but didn't all of them have like WIGGITY HAIR?? I wonder why THEY ALL privately choose geisha Madonna???! I never would. I think Id do Breathless Mahoney in the black sequin turtleneck dress. Its weird that choose that one, but I would. Although maybe not because you know who did it BETTER than Madonna was actually Phillip Blonde but maybe I still could because I just tried googling it 17 different ways and there is no proof so that means it never happened but I SWEAR IM NOT CRAZY and it WAS good!
I just had a very strong coffee and Im vibrating and pukey and need to not be sitting here. I can't think of anything else to say and its 900 degrees in my apartment… BYE!!!!!

Friday, April 1, 2016

Rupauls Drag Race season episode 4 New Wave Challenge

Ok I apologize I couldn't write this sooner but I was shooting in LA and then came back and had a ton of work to do before I had the opportunity to write something.
Remember how last season everyone was BITCHING about how they hated the show? It was this never ending chatter about how there were no talents, which was inaccurate, and how they didn't like anyone which I think people confused with the queens abilities. The casting did a REALLY smart thing this year and dropped annoying people who only give good sound bytes and instead actually cast likable people you'd actually want to hang out with. It could just be smart casting but it almost gives you hope that younger people aren't all tedious vapid twits and they MIGHT be listening.
Well Britney/ Derek is actually a twit. I don't know how you could talk to him more than thirty seconds. What could that robot possibly have to say when its clearly never questioned anything? He's clearly never questioned anything because he doesn't have a soul, so there is nothing to question because he's never encountered a situation that would motivate introspection because how could he without a personality? Its only until you have a sense of self that you start asking questions because only then do things become contrary to your thoughts. He's like a BLENDER just sitting on your shelf waiting to be used. Isn't it interesting that the soulless person puts all his effort into simulating a famously soulless person?! This whole "being a correct little girl" fetish is just LAME. Its not even a powerful woman?! I can't fathom why you would want to look like a COCKER SPANIEL, turned into a GIRL IN BEIGE PANTS FROM OLD NAVY, who works at the SPRINT KIOSK at the mall?? His interest in her being she has zero personality is almost kinda cute, but its not because its a CHARACTER FLAW. Its like ROBOT ON ROBOT LOVE?! So sad, robots can't make a baby and they don't know it:(
I have to say we all owe an apology to Chi-Chi. In her "Meet the Queens" interview I was like EWWW and also TIRED. She came off like a cliche of the girl that is only cast because she represents "THAT SCENE" which is a large scene in the drag world, but "THAT SCENE" is never going to win because they're non creative and not smart. Kinda like the token fat girl who they also didn't cast this season. Yes Kimchi is BIG but she's not fat. That Ginger Minj thing was so rotten. Who invited her anyways?! She had all the charm of a Walmart greeters "How y'all doin?" and not the charming old man or retarded person that they use to make you feel sorry so you shop more to feel better. Chi-Chi is a fantastic example of how you either HAVE IT or YOU DONT. Chi-chi has nothing, but she has IT. She is fantastic in my mind. She was COMPLETELY CORRECT in her take on the New Wave challenge and Im sure she has MAYBE MOST LIKELY NEVER heard a or seen a New Wave song?! Costumes in the form of abstract shapes would have been transgressive, and funny, totally on par with the genre, and a great reveal and Britney and Puerto Rican lady are just too concerned with being the "pretty" girl their mom never had that they couldn't take the risk of being interesting. Chi-chi painted on Grace Jones face which is total New Wave so she knows whats what. I didn't think her costume was bad either. I mean it is exactly what you want, neon pink and black zebra, thigh high boots, with a riding crop and Gestapo hat. Was it cheap looking? YES, were the eighties cheap???… ALSO YES! Can we talk about how according to TODAY the eighties were ONLY NEON. In case you weren't there this is NOT TRUE. The eighties were GREY, nothing was NOT GREY. HOPE was GREY! Watch Baby Boom, or Working Girl and when you see it now you think its a JOKE. There is NO NEON TO BE SEEN. You think the sets are some kind of humorous art direction but it was REALITY. Neon was SORTA invented in the eighties and its why neon seems so much part of it because against they grey world we lived in that SMALL DASH of neon splatter paint effect was SHOCKING. However there is WAAAAY more neon around today than then. In fact in the New Wave Era neon was pretty much non existent. When I think New Wave I think glossy black, matte grey (in many applications) and gloss red. Flock of Seagulls, Devo, Gary Numan, Kraftwerk all of them are red and black. Like Thorgys costume was like New Wave in RETROSPECT but in reality was just like eighties everything which is weird when you can actually remember the eighties and be like BUT UMM WELLL OK YEAH. Puerto Rican lady needed to die for that New Wave look. Its so interesting that she's so vested in being what I imagine is the pretty girl that he imagined his mom or dad couldn't ignore that he couldn't get edgy. I mean am I wrong in that? Well maybe, I just look at myself and think of all the INSANE CHICANERY I pull to get the attention I didn't get and are to afraid/ashamed to ask for now so I imagine he's no different but I DUNNO. Maybe his dad gave attention to girls and therefore he thinks if he becomes one he will then achieve that acknowledgment.. Who knows?!.. sorry, to each his own, and Im being a judgey twat but ALSO… I'm sorry the creature I designed does not COWTOW TO STRAIGHT PEOPLE OR INVEST IN THEIR CONCEPTS OF THE WAY THINGS SHOULD BE/LOOK?!!! I designed a creature made to PUNISH STRAIGHT PEOPLE?!… Nice Puerto Rican ladys GOAL is to be accepted and to me thats sad as hell. My goal is to give hope to baby gays while simultaneously giving shame to straight people so they can feel like what it is to be a baby gay as an adult while simultaneously being and object of desire to men because my dad was completely uninterested in me?! I might clock a bitch but at least I can clock MYSELF AS WELL… I know whats what?!. Ive since REROUTED those goals as I realize its not my job to punish or teach and Im actually a person capable and deserving of love so I don't need to spend my life being Maleficent because that only continues to play into their scheme as it denies me kindness BUT I still respect the idea and I'm certainly going to do my best to RETAIN THE VISUALS as they are near and dear to my heart. Speaking of punishing I neglected to mention how Chi-Chi SLAUGHTERED "Neon Gozer". I actually liked Puerto Rican Lady's costume but AGAIN with what I said about her being so concerned with being "pretty" she couldn't even put on make up that matched the costume. The "hair" was repulsive, actually angering. Like if I made you that costume and you came out with that DOLLY GOO GOO FACE and that thing you found in the drain at the PUPPY SPA on your head Id figure out a way to GET THE COSTUME BACK!!! How can you possibly think its a good idea to take your heels off when Ru CLEARLY HAS SAID, "DO NOT TAKE YOUR HEELS OFF?!" I actually felt a little sorry for her when she tried a cart wheel and she looked like your chubby 6 year old niece who sucks and you still have to clap and tell her she's great, and then Chi-chi somehow MOVED BACKWARD WHILE GOING FORWARD letting you know she might be a hick but she's a hick that somehow is capable of manipulating the space time continuum.
For my final three its definitely Naomi, Chi-Chi, and Thorgy. To be honest Thorgy is cool and I like her but I dunno if I have to give her a trophy. She's COOL, I like her a lot but also like WHY SHOULD I GIVE HER A TROPHY? I have plenty of fierce friends that do drag but they don't deserve a trophy, they're cool people and thats enough. They don't really NEED a trophy. Trophies are kinda for young queens, SHINY NEW OBJECTS. Thorgy, like Alaska, kinda seems maybe not BEYOND THAT but like NOT NEEDING THAT. Like it sorta doesn't go with her values. Detox should get the All Stars 2 trophy because a shiny trophy goes with a Mugler suit ya know what I mean???. I think for a trophy you need to be stunning. Naomi honestly could take it for me just based on the fact that she looks like she's made out of BASEBALL BATS. Chi-Chi has star quality and is an excellent performer. What about Bob?! Why is he getting the JINX MONSOON "SWEETHEART EDIT"???! He looks like my TOE in drag… MY STUBBED TOE?! He's not unfunny but Im not gagging. Is that nose ring even real? I think him getting a trophy would be a big mistake. Sure Naomi would anger people but not me and I MATTER MORE!!!!;) I think Chi-Chi is gonna take it actually.
OH I forgot, did you see Untucked? Before I say more CHANGE THE DREARY MUSIC it ruins the entire mood of the show?! Beyond that was anyone else CREEPED OUT by Kimchi? Her behavior with Debbie Harry was INAPPROPRIATE?! Don't treat a 60 something ICON like some TART. Don't belittle her by saying you like her BOOBIES and say how she can sit on your face?!? Are you INSANE?! It makes sense I guess if she's a virgin though and she is around someone famous because like any insecure person she thinks in order to be cool you have to be someone you ARENT (BIG MISTAKE) and therefor acts "sexual" because thats "cool." I was TURNED OFF, this cabbage has gone SOUR.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Rupauls Drag Race Season 8 episode 3

Ok so last weeks episode was so good and this one sorta kinda sucked, or did it? Like we didn't ever get a gag from PRAYING MANTIS of the runway Naomi even?! Who I think maybe should just win for being stunning. I really like that she's just LEGS and LIPS- NO TITS OR HIPS!?!! Ive actually never said that about another queen but she's gorgeous AND is likable and thats just so rare it deserves an award!
Well I thought originally that the episode sucked but then looking back we were also granted three solid WORST OFS in this episode which is always good for deepening references. I mean I appreciated the roller skating element and when Ru rolled out we GAGGED. That was so nice to see. I actually yelled WAIT, was that REALLY HER?! Were you surprised how SHORT everyones legs looked in the skates? I assumed everyone would look longer but they all looked shorter and thicker to me. This episode was historic for three solid WORST EVERs. Now Michelle looks fantastic of course, especially as of late, so I don't have issue saying THAT WAS THE WORST LIP COLOR IVE EVER SEEN EVER EVER EVER. I mean it looked like it was MADE FROM and APPLIED BY a FRENCH'S MUSTARD Bottle! It totally put the TURD in MUSTARD! It was totally MUSTARDED Not even something CLASSY like Grey Poupon but FRENCH's a CHEMICAL SALVE made to cover up the TASTE (level) of cheap "meat"! Now you know I STRIVE to be the perceived as the CHEAPEST MEAT POSSIBLE but MUSTARD SHOWS are not exactly HOT…dog! The only condiment that even remotely looks sexy on your face is marshmallow sauce which I don't recommend using because that just tastes too good to leave on so you just end up getting a sticky face covered in hair that FORMERLY belonged to the grease ball you're letting turn you into a human sundae.
So Cynthia was murdered by Robbie Turner and while Cynthias intestines were strewn about in a fashion that could only be described as SWIRLING CELEBRATIONAL GESTURES I think we all thought it was fair that Robbie wins, but will maybe kinda sorta miss Cynthia as she was headed in an Alyssa Edwards person who has no "reflective self" territory which is so appealing. The second "worst of" was Cynthias red roller skating outfit. By far the cheapest most uninteresting looking thing to ever go down a runway PAVED in ticky tackery. I mean the, I don't even want to say satin, blouse she had was made of that material they hot glue on the outside of heart shaped boxes of chocolates witnessed on the shelves AFTER Valentines day because even STRAIGHT DUDES didnt buy those boxes because they looked TOO CHEAP . It was the worst because it wasn't as ugly as Serena Cha-chas disco lederhosen which is an UNSHAKEABLE NUMBER ONE OF ULGIEST DRESSES in Rupauls Drag Race History, but because Serenas look was "theatrical" and this was supposed to be "cute". That cowboy hat was VULGAR, like I don't need to be CONSTANTLY REMINDED that everything we buy is made by SLAVES IN CHINA?!
Before I forget because I keep forgetting with each review can we talk about the STADIUM LIGHTING graphic they do before every runway? Does anyone know where I'm headed with this? YES! Why are there MOTHES flying around the lights?! We of course know that is because the graphic is supposed to be used for sporting events and they just put a magenta hue on it and call it a runway but I always giggle as it makes me imagine this is all taking place on a baseball diamond in like upstate New York by a mini golf course. I just added that Vivacious gif to make you laugh. She's totally giving you Burgess Meredith as the Peguins tranny girlfriend story lines!….and boy is that story line TRANSGRESSIVE?! My god imagine all the issues involving such DIVISIVE SUBJECTS as class, race, gender, LET ALONE EVIL FUNNY WALKS?!
oh the third worst of was WORST LET DOWN EVER with Nayasha coming back. Like waaat? She was the only one kicked off before, thats not a surprise?! I have yet to see Untucked. BOY I feel like I should offer Slick It Up to do the "Interior Illusions" lounge now because the 78 bucks I invest would be better than that couch they "reclaimed" from the La River that they're currently using.
Thorgys cancer story was something I could relate to fully though I have to say the situation sucks either way so there is no "win" but I watched my mom waste away and die over a year, but dealing with it previously for 5, and to be honest if I didn't know and then came home to see her and the same day she died I might pick that option because his dad was kind in sheltering him from that. Its funny that he said he's angry, because Im also angered by the "unfairness" but he's angry he didnt get to say bye and Im angry I had to see her die/ say goodbye at all. Its funny, you realize its nothing to do with your personal process but the actual loss itself that is too hard to bear so you get "angry" over what ever bullshit happened. The "moral" of the story is losing your mom sucks so quit bitching, don't be bitter, be thankful for what you had. Eww so sappy but its true. I think I deserve a massage, Im a nice lady.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Rupaul Drag race season 8 Episode 2 The first non horrible talent show.

(Again WHY would you read this if you haven't seen the episode?!)
So this episode was pretty good right? For me it was the the first time the "talent show" episode wasn't a cringey clunky scenario where you kinda have to pretend it wasn't that awful and say something like "I promise in the club she's funnier." Chi-Chi was a well deserved winner despite that curiously unkempt wig??? Was that wig a comment on the her personal involvement in the Katrina disaster??!? Kimchi looking like a polar bear in Dolly Parton Drag is actually kinda cute but I don't really need to see anymore of her I think. I DONT dislike her however! I like her but not on the runway. I think shed make a good host in a club, like you could very easily talk to her and share and have a good time but one time as a child I tried to stop my neighbor from living and I PUSHED A REFRIGERATOR OFF MY ROOF and it landed more gracefully than her. Im all about Naomi. Yeah she looks a little cheap but she's also like 21 and as we all know when your 21 its hard not to look like you shop at Forever 21 BECAUSE YOU ARE AND ACTUALLY DO (and I am NOT talking shit because I think I actually bought a shirt there like 2 years ago and I am NOT 21 or 31 Im actually TERMINALLY 41 in a couple weeks!) Her overpainted lip to me is a little weird as her lips are already full but that "WHY ARE YOUR DOING THAT" moment adds mystery when I already really like her. It kinda reminds me of this thing Grace Jones would do where she would paint the "apex" (is that what its called??) of her lips a different color and I just would stare at it for longer than a white male child needs to thinking BUT WHY???!!?? I really appreciate tall and slim, for me it just means you're closer to god. I feel like Im a protector of the Redwoods or something with my love of tall skinny queens. If you don't read as tall maybe suicide isn't so bad of an option?? I just feel like there are SO MANY, maybe even TOO MANY not tall people and therefor its ok to talk about them like they're not humans. Thats ok right? I mean… THREE WORDS… LITTLE. KENYA. MICHAELS… Im STILL having nightmares...that THING, was better left chasing Karen Black and stuffed in an oven. You know what, Im not feeling this BOB person to be honest. there was a lot of hype but honestly WHY? If you were to be judging her on what we've seen so far she should be sent home. I don't know if you saw her "meet the queens" but to me it was SUSPECT, because she was charming in it but ALSO kind of BETRAYED HERSELF when she said she saw Rupauls Drag Race and thought "I COULD DO THAT?!" That do me says your interest in being a queen is not genuine, or maybe its TECHNICALLY GENUINE but NOT from the HEART... To me that reads as "What do I do to get attention?" not "Im sooo into being this fantastic person." So Im turned off, I feel like Im being lied to.
I was actually kinda disappointed to see both Dax and Laila (is that her name) go though it was totally deserved as what a fuckin boring lip synch. I wanted to see more looks from Dax. Laila seemed like a cool kid but Im on to her.. You know she's actually Kelly Osborne in boy drag right?.. Its true.. and Dax out of Drag is Pink in carmelface.
Alright so lets get to Acid Betty. Acid Betty is that friend you had in high school if you were "artistic" like me and they were your best friend but as the years and maybe even decades passed you slowly began to realize that she's TOXIC and EVERYONE IS EVADING HER ON PURPOSE. Sitting there watching her my friend and I were just like "OMG Acid Betty is sooo much like XXXXXXXX" She's that person who is talented on some level but has confused CRITIQUE with ABILITY and makes VERY LITTLE WORK (because nobody wants to deal with her) but tries to read everyone for what they're doing wrong and how if THEY were doing the job they would never blah blah blah… You've backed away at this point because now they're talking about how people are conspiring against them and how people think they're Jake Gyllenhall but really they look like MR BURNS from the Simpsons… (This actually happened in my life) imagine a person who looks very similar to Acid Betty telling you that the STRIPPERS IN THE BAR ARE JEALOUS OF THEM and how they look like Jake Gyllenhall and then a week later they say "I was wrong! Its not Jake Gyllenhall…People think Im Ed Norton!" …. whaaaaaaaaat???? I had to consult with my go to slightly older elder who told me a VERY WISE PIECE OF ADVICE which was "The insane people in your life will NOT get less insane but only MORE AND MORE BIZARRE so its best to cut your ties now… which I did… I haven't spoken to Glenn Close since… Anyhow back to Betty… I'll just say this… EDITING A LOOK is just as important as BUILDING A LOOK.. and Um… I DEEPLY appreciate someone knowing Philip Treacys name but umm didn't Detox already do that dress??
Ok so my three pound bag of Sour Patch Children is empty and all Im left with is a bag of ACID SAND…. How poetic?!!! So Im going to go to bed. I can't think of much else to say besides I liked Rus make up this episode a lot and my husband exclaimed HER DRESS LOOKS LIKE OUR CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE?!… which a couple of friends brought over for game night and it sits on top of the shelf because Im tacky and think its fancy because its in this metal mailbox thing so I never open it because it just seems too decadent and I don't want to not have it so it sits there alone and pointless… maybe its actually more like Magnolia Crawford???